Angry and bitter

[incomprehensible]

Im thinking of doing something horrific to myself live on the internet and make sure all my family sees it as some kind of punishment. The longer im clean from drugs the more fucked in the head i realize i am and hopeless it is and how alienated i am from everyone and i half blame my family.

I want to make them feel despair and guilt probaly only coz im turning into a sociopath. Maybe even lighting myself on fire in the middle of a shopping mall excites me. Ive had enough and its time to do something horrific and desecrate myself and make all the self serving, inconsiderate, complacent, careless, ignorant, blazee fucks being friends and family see what theiv contributed too.

 

[incomprehensible]

it doesnt help seeing all the rest of my family happy, successful, intelligent and enjoying life except my drugfucked mother and my father recently dead from the same thing and me of course. im just been looking at pictures of my happy, smiling, totally sane cousins with all their masses of friends and its really depressing me, they dont know how luck they have it.

 

[fadedteal]

it doesnt help seeing all the rest of my family happy, successful, intelligent and enjoying life except my drugfucked mother and my father recently dead from the same thing and me of course. im just been looking at pictures of my happy, smiling, totally sane cousins with all their masses of friends and its really depressing me, they dont know how luck they have it.

i bet you know that comparing yourself to others is always a painful thing to do.
have you ever thought if your family/friends wouldn't even feel guilty just because they'll think that what contributed you to "do" such self-harming acts is just your mental disease and yourself?
losing ones life just to rebel within is the most worthless thing to do with ones life
blessings x

 

[jiujitsu]

I remember when GW Bush was elected the 2nd time there was a guy, who was married and a dad, that drove up from, I think, VA and went to ground zero in NYC and blew his head off with a shotgun in protest to GW's re-election. I read it in the news and the next day nobody cared.

People tend to lay the blame on the person committing suicide for their own stupidity. I guess most just said, "That guy was an idiot. He ditched his wife and kid to kill himself in an epic display of whining." Don't be a dumbass loser like that guy is what I'm saying.

When people kill themselves it doesn't change anything. They're just dead now. And often times it's good riddance.

I think about it a lot. Some days it's an all day thing where I can't stop thinking about it. I know I will never go that far, though. It goes hand and hand with my anxiety. "Just end it. This is pointless." I don't want to die, I just want to live a happy life.

 

[ventriloone]

"
I remember when GW Bush was elected the 2nd time there was a guy, who was married and a dad, that drove up from, I think, VA and went to ground zero in NYC and blew his head off with a shotgun in protest to GW's re-election"

I'd say good riddance but anyone who is this big of a baby is probably too pussy to through with it and it... He probably blew all his money on a casino the night before and claimed it was this too look less like a coward. But anyways there's a few things you should remember. First of all if you think you're becoming a sociopath you're probably not because sociopaths mostly do not consciously believe they have thought disturbances... Also I never blame anyone but me for my problems. Admittedly they could have been avoided with help from others but all my problems and yours can be solved by yourself so never blame anyone else.

 

[incomprehensible]

dont relate me to some political nut in the us, honestly i dont give a fuck what anyone thinks either way. yes im a just a no hoper loser with no oppurtunities whos personality and intellect and social skills have deteriorated to the point of no return.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Even though it might be hard, why don't you try to stop comparing yourself to others... especially your "normal" family members. That's something I used to do, but stopped it a while ago, because I realized that I'm so completely different from them & there's just no point. I'll never be like them &, although they have "normal" lives, I don't want to be like them, anyway.

Also, you could try to stop focusing on the negatives of everything. Doing that is only going to make your mental state worse. Try to better yourself & better your life. Instead of showing your family how screwed up they made you, try to show them how you succeeded, despite how much they tried to mess you up. Regardless of how bad your life has been up til this point it can change for the better. But you have to do the work. Try to find the proper help for yourself. Tell people in a position to help of your situation. Ask yourself some questions.... If your life hadn't been the way it has been..... What would you want to do with your life? What would your ideal future be like? & try to make it happen... hard as it will be. It's better than giving up & destroying yourself to get back at your family. Prove your family wrong & get back at them by becoming a person you can be proud of. That's what I'm trying to do.

I really hope you don't resort to suicide.. there are far better options. I should know. I was incredibly suicidal for years.. up til a little over a year ago, but I got help & now, though things in the social area are no better at all, my mental state is & I now have hope for the future. Try to think about what your life could be like, instead of focusing on what your death should be like.

 

[sabbath92003]

Living well is the best revenge.