Am I redeemable?

[yesman]

When I was in grade 8 or 9, my mom's chronic pain got so bad. I didn't know she had chronic pain...with my mindset of tough love, I thought that she was simply being an attention *****. I treated her like she was an attention *****. Right now, I'm fully aware of what chronic pain is, and I now do helpful things for her, like helping her up and down the stairs, getting things for her, and whatnot. I love my mother, and my mother loves me back.

When I was in grade 3, my brother started calling me names like "idiot" and "stupid". I thought this was a sign that he didn't love me, and I began to assume that EVERYTHING my brother said was a personal attack. This soured up our relationship, and as a result, we weren't very close. Nowadays, we are close, and we both love each other so much.

When I was in grade 10, I thought my friends were leaving me. I remembered how I lost my friends all the way back in grade 3, and so I decided that I wanted to be the center of attention. I started bullying other people, thinking that that was the best thing to do. I did the same things my brother did to me, and called my friends names like stupid and idiot. Right now, I have repaired my damaged relationship with my victim/friend, and am kind of estranged from my other friend.

Nowadays, I wish I could die, every single day. I realize that I can't rewind time, and stop myself from doing all these things. But I have decided NOT to commit suicide. Why? Because I promised my mother that I will not do it, and I love my mother too much to kill myself. Nowadays, I would say that I am an honourable, modest person. I can't say the same for my past self.

I truly am sorry for the things I have done. It doesn't mean much, an apology, but I am sorry. And not just to the people I hurt personally...also, to the people out there dealing with verbal abuse, people who have also have parents who have chronic pain.

Am I really irredeemable?

 

[Steiner]

I think you are redeemable. Everyone makes mistakes and in life you have to learn to forgive. I was bullied throughout my entire life and I can say I forgive those who bullied me. Without forgiveness there cannot be peace. If you are truly sorry I am sure you can be forgiven, with time.

 

[yesman]

Thanks, everyone, for the support.

I've always wondered, what would someone like Steve Wilkos say about me? Because I didn't have the most sunshiney past, and yet here I am, a kind and gentle person in the present.

I've always thought that Mr Wilkos was kind of soft on children/teenagers. Why does he let them sit down while he makes adults stand up?

 

[jaim38]

I used to live in the ghetto where bullying was quite common. People in middle school already form gangs and start fighting each other. People form groups according to racial lines for the most part. I used to hang out with fake friends who stuck to me to get homework answers but some of them go behind my back. They actually didn't like me. I also had bad influences from home and school and started picking up bad habits, like lying a lot and malicious gossiping. I learned curse words from people at school, plus I've been cursed at by strangers and so-called friends. My friends are so hypocritical because they treat a prettier girl more nicely than they treat me, even though I've been hanging with them for so long. I took my anger out on that prettier girl because I was jealous that she got better treatment even though she's not even part of our group. I feel like the black sheep.

I remember my childhood friend was sad when her friend and her family moved away from the ghetto area because of the bad influences. She told me something like, "It doesn't matter where you live, you can still be yourself right?" Now thinking back, I want to tell her, "No you're wrong. Not everyone is strong like you. Some people can easily be corrupted by the negative influences so they need to move away." After all, I was one of the ghetto's victims.

The me today is very different from the me of yesteryear. I am a better person, morally speaking, and I know better to avoid hanging out with fake shallow people. I also want to apologize to the people I've hurt in the past.

I think you and are redeemable. We realized our wrongs and faults and tried to correct them.

 

[Steelsoul]

You don't have to say sorry. What you do now is your biggest apology to the one you hurted. Keep your relationship with them and they will forgive you.

 

[jc972]

Yeah, man. You're redeemable. It would appear to me that life is just a big learning experience.

 

[yesman]

Thanks, everyone, for the encouragement.

 

[k8steroonis]

Totally redeemable. You sound awesome. I was bullied in middle school and have a particular disdain for bullies/bullying, but I think bullies develop because they'd been bullied. You just take the pain you've been given and throw it on someone else. We're all victims of victims. But I think anyone who recognizes the wrong they've done, feel truly sorry, and vow to change are not only redeemable, they're crucial for this world.