Am i going insane?

[Mike87]

About 2 years ago I got very lonely and started to have very little social contact(moves to a different country). Slowly i started to imagine myself talking to a friend(a real one that exists) about something. I would do it everyday, all of it in my head and not loud and my lips wouldn't even move when i was imagining these things(so no one noticed or said anything). Slowly i created different individuals with different personalities in my head... People that i thought that i will meet someday later in my life... such as a doctor, future classmates, teachers and many other people with different professions and backgrounds. I would 'think' about talking to them for like 2-3 hours everyday, sometimes more. I would create arguments about something and imagining them answering, then a counter-argument and so on.
I don't have anyone to talk to besides three great friends that I've known since i was a kid, but unfortunately all of them moved to different countries about 2-3 years ago. And i have a very hard time talking to people that i don't know.
I've been mostly at home for the last 2 years. I'm only 20 years old and I'll be going to college in about a year from now so i will have some social contacts then. But this year, I'm not doing anything and have no plans at all. lately I've been feeling this urge to harm myself in some ways... such as just hitting my hand somewhere... I have never cut myself but have started to think about it because I'm sure it will release some of my 'negative emotions and feelings'.
I also haven't cried even once for 5 years, and even though i really want to cry, I just can't do it.

I live on my own for now with no one around me. I see my sisters that are married about once or twice a month, and that's ALL my so called social life.
I've wanted to join a club but I just don't have the feeling to do it... I have low self-esteem. For an unknown reason i really don't wanna see a therapist, even though i always imagine talking to one (and she's always very annoying).
What should i do? any suggestions?

 

[Marie_knowsbest]

lol 'although she is very annoying' that bit made me laugh, well... with these people having conversations that ur imagining, do you talk back to them as you in your mind?

 

[Lexmark]

People who are insane dont know they are thats why there insane.
But i talk to myself all the time. Not conversations or anything tho.
I reckon you may be just living in your mind to much ?

 

[Mike87]

lol 'although she is very annoying' that bit made me laugh, well... with these people having conversations that ur imagining, do you talk back to them as you in your mind?

Kind of, they always have an answer... it's like, their mind is mine mind but i can't see their mind... Their answers have it's roots in my head and way of thinking + the arguments and things that I've heard so far.

It's hard to explain.

 

[Psychedelicious]

You're not insane, I do the same thing. Sometimes it's with people who already exist, sometimes it isn't. It's just fake conversation, practicing, preparing maybe, just incase these situations do come up at sometime. I have arguments too. And within all these conversations I always reply back with things that I actually want to say, but would normally not say. We're only crazy if we actually think the people really are there, if we think we can see them and touch them. Since we know they're not real, I think this sets the boundaries for what is not insane. This is considerably normal, but can get quite annoying at times.

 

[Mike87]

You're not insane, I do the same thing. Sometimes it's with people who already exist, sometimes it isn't. It's just fake conversation, practicing, preparing maybe, just incase these situations do come up at sometime. I have arguments too. And within all these conversations I always reply back with things that I actually want to say, but would normally not say. We're only crazy if we actually think the people really are there, if we think we can see them and touch them. Since we know they're not real, I think this sets the boundaries for what is not insane. This is considerably normal, but can get quite annoying at times.

omg, that's exactly what i mean. as you mentioned: practicing... reply back with things that I actually want to say . that's exactly the case. But most people don't do it(from what I've seen) and even if they do it, it's not for a couple of hours every day. I'm wasting too much time on it.... How can i stop it?? it's killing me (not exactly killing but...) anyone had the same problem before?

 

[Marie_knowsbest]

do you make a concscience effort to think of what they are going to say to eachother, or does it flow by itself? like you havent gotta think about what their gonna say? and when u say u cant see their mind, is it like there in your mind, but there almost like real people, u cant see their thoughts so u dont know what there gonna say?

 

[Mike87]

do you make a concscience effort to think of what they are going to say to eachother, or does it flow by itself? like you havent gotta think about what their gonna say? and when u say u cant see their mind, is it like there in your mind, but there almost like real people, u cant see their thoughts so u dont know what there gonna say?

Most of the time 95% of the argument has been repeated at least 10 times before. But it always advances a little bit into new territories(new issues to talk about).
I know precisely what they are going to say when they are going to give me an answer.

About them being in my head or no:
Imagine: You are going to meet your real friend later this day, you are going to talk to him about something, and you already know what he is going to tell you(their reaction and response)... and you imagine all the conversations before you go to see your friend.

Or a better example: Imagine that you are going for a job interview... You think about yourself talking to the guy that interviews you. You will already know what questions he is going to ask so you just answer them in your head.

 

[Helyna]

Well, I don't argue in my head, I write fantasy/sci-fi stories in it, but I'm really close to the characters, and sometimes they seem to take a life of their own. But I know they're not real and none of the magic stuff is real. I don't think you're crazy until you think it's real (of course, as someone mentioned, you won't realize you're crazy once you are). If it's really annoying you, you're hurting yourself (you don't have to be cutting to be self-destructive!), and it bothers you that you can't cry, you should see a therapist. I swear he/she won't be like the one in your head.

 

[Marie_knowsbest]

yeh i think it would be wise to see someone about this, because it could increase overtime, and u dont wana spend all ya time in ya head mate.

 

[VioletTears]

I don't think you're going crazy at all... at least not based upon what you have said.

I have conversations in my head all the time. I would guess that most people do every so often... I think some of us do it more excesively because we either lack real relationships or because we lack the social confidence to draw our inner worlds outward... If that makes sense. We do inside our heads what we don't have the capability/opportunity/confidence to do in real life.

Loosing most of your friends would take adjusting for most everyone. Try not to be too hard on yourself. However, if you feel like you're really struggling and you need someone to talk to, it certainly can't hurt to go to a therapist, just so someone can listen. It does sound like you might be suffering from depression...

 

[recluse]

You're not insane, I do the same thing. Sometimes it's with people who already exist, sometimes it isn't. It's just fake conversation, practicing, preparing maybe, just incase these situations do come up at sometime. I have arguments too. And within all these conversations I always reply back with things that I actually want to say, but would normally not say. We're only crazy if we actually think the people really are there, if we think we can see them and touch them. Since we know they're not real, I think this sets the boundaries for what is not insane. This is considerably normal, but can get quite annoying at times.

omg, that's exactly what i mean. as you mentioned: practicing... reply back with things that I actually want to say . that's exactly the case. But most people don't do it(from what I've seen) and even if they do it, it's not for a couple of hours every day. I'm wasting too much time on it.... How can i stop it?? it's killing me (not exactly killing but...) anyone had the same problem before?

So i am not the only one who does this! 8O

I really thought i was the only one who had this problem. I obsess about thinking what topic i am going to use if i see someone i know, like for example ''what music do you like?'' and then in my head i'll go through all the bands i like, and then i'll go through the albums the bands have, and then i'll go through the tracks on the albums obsessively, and when i actually some face to face with a person my mind is so exhausted i can't converse! So all the stuff i have thought obsessively about has all been a a waste of time but i can't stop doing it. I also obsess after talking to someone that i should have said something a different way.

 

[noblame4]

No, you're not crazy. Some people just have richer fantasy lives than others. I've been entertaining pretend friends inside my head for as long as I can remember, they all have their own names, backgrounds, personalities. I even have pretend enemies (haha) Sometimes I insert people I know from real life. Everyone has a microcosm, I think we use a large part of ours to succor our loneliness. Rich fantasy lives are normal and harmless, only if a person is really mentaly ill (say, in the case of schitzophrenia) and cant tell the difference between reality and their own minds is it a problem.

 

[krs2snow]

Hi Mike87. You are not crazy.
I think you're just creating an environment that's more manageable & controlled. Creating conversations in your mind where you are the one in charge. Ones in which you feel 100% comfortable, 100% confident- 100% of the time. The problem is- it isn't real.

Try to accept who you are and start by making a commitment to trying to express who you are in Real, Day to Day, Life. Even if all trying consists of, for the time being, is a grunt of disapproval. Or a smirk suggesting agreement. Small steps can add up to a lot of distance.