Am I being too hard on myself?

[Ryguy2598]

Today I was at Wendy's eating my meal when I looked up and noticed a cute girl looking me directly in the eye and smiling. She was in a van outside the window w/ the door open. Yeah, sounds sort of creepy....but wasn't much if you were there in the situation. She was simply smiling at me trying to get my attention and probably hoping I would smile back. This is where I feel I'm too hard on myself..... cuz of my SA and lack of confidence I just couldn't muster a smile back......I panicked and looked away a little then looked back at her, thought about smiling but was too nervous so I awkwardly looked away. This really got to me. It's not the first time a girl showed interest in me but I was too socially anxious to do anything about it. I feel like this was the final straw & that I'll do w/e it takes to overcome SA because I don't want to blow away or avoid anymore opportunities to meet new people. And I know this seems like a small deal and something I shouldn't stress over....but when things like this happen over and over it becomes more of a big deal.....But what do you think, am I being too hard on myself and caring too much about this?

 

[Josette]

I totally understand. Everyone on this site does. We all torture ourselves with seemingly "small" incidents like this that feel like huge failures. But they're not--honest.

Yes, you are being too hard on yourself. We're always are harder on ourselves for 'mental health' issues, I think (as opposed to physical ailments). Think of it like having a broken leg and you're blaming yourself and being hard on yourself because you can't walk on the leg you just broke. That's silly, right? You weren't ready yet.

Say to yourself 'That was awesome. Next time a cute girl smiles at me, I'm going to be ready to smile back.' If you think about it, you have absolutely nothing to gain from beating yourself up over this. Just focus on the positive--some girl thought you were cute! And next time, you'll do better.

 

[EnigmatiConduit]

I understand that feeling too, completely. I think the times we are hardest on ourselves are the times where we have certain expectations about how we should have acted and more importantly how we hoped we would act.
Like Josette said, there is no gain in beating yourself up, even though that is way easier said than done. Just try to let it go ... and try again next time, and the next if need be... and so on. Try not to get down about it, you aren't alone in it. If you have the drive to overcome your social anxiety, then i believe you definitely have the strength to do it...

 

[Error]

I do that all the time. Whenever a girl looks at me, I reflexively look away, and try to look uninterested and cool. It's awful, I know!

I try to change, and said to myself, next time I will not look away. But all I can do is look for about half a second at the most... T_T

 

[Aden]

yes, I tell you if your being hard on yourself you wont make any progress. Instead of thinking of it as a "lost opportunity" think of it as a stepping stone. I am speaking from experience.

 

[caringsoul]

heres what i would do, when you see someone approaching in your mind, place a tiny pup or monkey on their shoulder. it should make u smile or laugh =)

or something that you like and put it there. and u can start of with a chuffed look.

 

[Mickery]

Being smiled at is starting you off on the right foot. They wouldn't be doing it if they didn't want you to see. So you don't have to go putting yourself out there afraid that they're going to take it the wrong way.

What really helped me in similar situations is to remember that the old adage about it being what you think that counts is not always true. When somebody seems to like you, it's about what they think. So even if you feel like you might be making a bit of a fool of yourself, saying the wrong thing and what-have-you, it's their feelings about you that count. I genuinely helped me relax a bit and consider that well, maybe I don't like myself so much, but they do.

 

[Error]

heres what i would do, when you see someone approaching in your mind, place a tiny pup or monkey on their shoulder. it should make u smile =)

or something that you like and put it there. and u can start of with a chuffed look.

Ahahaha! That was really funny. I just imagined a chimpanzee on someone's shoulder. ROFL

It's a nice, but I better not go so far with this technique or I may make a fool of myself laughing my lungs out.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

The last time this happened to me I was at the mall. A coffeeshop inside, and through the window across the pathways was a clothing store - and through that window a girl was smiling and staring at me. I got so nervous I kept looking up and she kept looking. So I got out and was going to just go - but decided to head over to the store - at least enter the store and see what happened. If she worked there or what, would look at me again, that'd be something.

I got closer to the window where she was looking out and she was still standing there! Still staring and smiling. But looking out the window. She was a mannequin.

That's such my life! So... look at the bright side - you had it real. Don't take such things so harshly. Some people don't get looks or don't see looks as being anything they conclude can't be interest, prob I look silly or so awkward. It's a stepping stone is right, observation. Feel better not worse, next time, smile back, that's all. Progress. =)

 

[caringsoul]

Ahahaha! That was really funny. I just imagined a chimpanzee on someone's shoulder. ROFL

It's a nice, but I better not go so far with this technique or I may make a fool of myself laughing my lungs out.

Lol i know it does work.. but sometime forget this technique.