Am I a bully?

[yesman]

Starting from the fall of 2011, I became a lot more teasing and joking. I saw how my classmates would joke around by calling each other "stupid" or saying "you're such an idiot!" to each other. I also remember how I began thinking that it was "cool" to ACT like you don't care about your friends, when you actually make it more clear that you do value them. So, accordingly, my behaviour began changing, particularly when I interacted with two of my friends.

Now, from late November to, say, May, I was very depressed. I was feeling incredibly guilty about my friend's past suicidal thoughts and depression for a couple of months, and there were some problems with my grade 11 course scheduling that were, admittedly, my fault. I guess I took out my bad mood on those aforementioned two friends. I always had low self-esteem, and thought "oh, they have everything; good marks, good social skills, and they weren't bullied into being afraid of talking to others, so it wouldn't matter if I act meanly to them."

However, starting from May, I became much nicer, and accepted that what I did was wrong. I made amends with one of the people, and now she and I value each other very much as friends. I have a love/hate relationship with the other person. Nowadays, I try to be the best person I can be. I am also on anxiety meds, and do not feel any envy or jealousy enough to take out any frustration on others.

 

[jaim38]

When I was younger, I used to live in a bad neighborhood (there were gangs, fights, crimes). The school was filled with kids who curse and bully each other. Some of my friends were also mean to me. I picked up on some of that behavior and started treating my other friends badly. I felt so guilty afterwards and felt huge relief when my family moved to a better neighborhood. From then on, I decided I want to be a better person.

It's not too late for salvation. At least you and I realize that we were wrong in what we did and tried to make amends.

 

[OCDd]

no that doesn't really make you a bully, all friends have a few like 'inside' jokes that you can all make fun of each other in good humor. i just would lay off of them a little, dont be as harsh and just try to look out for each other but tease each other out of good humor

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

You are not even remotely a bully! Bullies pick on people to feel good about themselves. You, on the other hand, thought the verbal jabs were used as a term of endearment. The fact that you realized that it was wrong and that you changed your behavior shows that you are a caring person.

 

[yesman]

These are all great responses. Thanks!

 

[Xervello]

Yeah, I think you answered your own question there, yesman. I'm glad you're nicer now. I was a bully when I was younger. I used to pick on the weaker, stranger kids to make myself feel better. If I could meet them now I'd apologize. I even played it out in my head, ha ha. If they recognized me I'd go up to them and make chit chat for a bit. Then at some point I'd say, "hey, ya know back when we were in school? I was kind of d*ck. I've been thinking about that lately. I'm sorry if I was a jerk to ya." Something like that. But I think they'd probably just laugh it off. Either not remembering it or not wanting to make it appear as if it hurt them as much as it did. Or... they could say, "yeah, you were a pr*ck" and then walk away. And I'd be fine with that.