EmilyOlive
Member
Because I certainly feel like one.
I've twice posted about my obsessive thoughts of pedophilia, how I know I'm not a pedophile but am always afraid it will happen, or is happening (even though I am by no means sexually drawn to prepubescent children). I think I am getting to be very good at willing the thoughts away when they start to crop up.
But even though I know the truth, that I am sexually balanced, I am so ashamed of having had these thoughts at all. I know it's not my fault. But the guilt is clawing me. I talk to a religious leader about the hurt (though not sexual hurt) my father has inflicted upon me, and he enjoys talking to me and being able to listen. But if he knew about these hideous ideas that have been roaring through my conscience for about three years now? How would he feel then? I am not going to tell him, ever, but I feel like I'm keeping a filthy secret.
I am fifteen and wondering whether I have lost my innocence. Do you think I've become a bad person?
~Emily
I've twice posted about my obsessive thoughts of pedophilia, how I know I'm not a pedophile but am always afraid it will happen, or is happening (even though I am by no means sexually drawn to prepubescent children). I think I am getting to be very good at willing the thoughts away when they start to crop up.
But even though I know the truth, that I am sexually balanced, I am so ashamed of having had these thoughts at all. I know it's not my fault. But the guilt is clawing me. I talk to a religious leader about the hurt (though not sexual hurt) my father has inflicted upon me, and he enjoys talking to me and being able to listen. But if he knew about these hideous ideas that have been roaring through my conscience for about three years now? How would he feel then? I am not going to tell him, ever, but I feel like I'm keeping a filthy secret.
I am fifteen and wondering whether I have lost my innocence. Do you think I've become a bad person?
~Emily