Am I a bad bad person?

[LonelyLeaf]

I feel so guilty! Here's the story (if you wanna listen that is..)

I used to have a friend or two, go to high school, and have a couple of past-time activities too...then I made some bad choices in life and the deal is I don't know exactly why! I gave up on everything (though I did manage to finish high school somehow and am now at University)..

I could tell you it was because of Social Anxiety, depression, hopelessness, personal issues and a milion other reasons, but fact is I made the choices...so here I am struggling through Uni and with nothing else...am I a bad person for what I did? Do I not deserve to try and build up a new life? I knew what I did was wrong but did it anyhow because I took easy way out instead of fighting problems..

it's like asking an alcoholic person who's lost his wife, job and home due to alcoholism 'why did you start drinking in the first place?' and he could probably give you many reasons like personal issues, mental illness etc. but more importantly you could ask him 'why do you continue to drink when you know it's destroying you? That's the real question...is it self-destructive behavior? A cry for help?

But anyways all this is beyond the point...right now I just feel so doubtful...I question everything I do whether it's right or wrong choices..I feel like I do not deserve to fight to get a life back....does this post make any sense to you? Please don't hate me!

 

[madmike]

There's absolutely no reason why this post would make me (or anyone i should think) hate you.

We all deserve a second chance!

You made it to university, there's one thing you have (and there's one thing you and i have in common)

If you live in halls, make the most of it. If you're in crisis, see it as an opportunity to make changes in your life. Take baby steps to overcome your problem (which i'm assuming is also social anxiety?)

I too gave up everything at college (high school) and am now having to fight hard to take an interest in the subjects i'm doing, in the people i meet everyday and in holding on to what i have (because if you don't you notice yourself losing more and more every day)

This is the way i think when i'm feeling optimistic.

(you don't want to see my posts on a pessimistic day )

Good luck

 

[Klaus]

You are not bad, you are social phobic. And like we all, we don't like to feel bad, so we avoid situations.

I think the great majority of us are nice people, we care for others, but we care too much, bad people don't feel any compassion for nobody. I don't know any bad person that is social phobic. Just good ones.

 

[Hoth]

What in particular makes you feel guilty? Just avoiding your (ex-)friends? Presumably it hurt you a lot more than it hurt them. If they had a lot of other friends, they probably shrugged and moved on. Even if they only had a very few, they'd miss you but they certainly wouldn't be mad about it.

Maybe there are some bad things you didn't mention.

bad people don't feel any compassion for nobody.

Most bad people feel compassion for someone. Even Hitler felt compassion for pure aryan national socialists, and Eva Braun.

 

[Klaus]

Hoth,

I think that the only "person" that Hitler used to care used to be his dog Blondie, and even so he gave a poison pill to her, he gave the idea to Evan Braun to kill herself and she tried suicide before (as others Hitler's girlfriends did too) due to his bad temper and at the end of the war, he blamed all the "aryan people" for "not fighting enough and having betrayed him" and that was the cause of losing the war.

This people may care for others, but it's in a totally different kind of way!