Agoraphobic girlfriend

green_man

Member
I've been with my gf 18 months. She suffers from agoraphobia and is heavily dependent on her mum. She's unable to go into busy/open/enclosed places, nor travel a long way from home.

She's made a lot of progress which coincides with when we started going out, so it seems I'm making a good impact on her life and enabling her to be happier than she has been for years.

I love her more than anything and always want to be there for her. I don't try to force her to do things she's not comfortable with, and I'm prepared to be with her even if she doesn't overcome the agoraphobia. But I can find it hard to deal with her anxiety, to understand why she's unable to do things, and I'm ever hopeful she'll be able to overcome it.

She tried therapy a few years ago without success and hasn't tried it since, I've mentioned it to her a few times but I can't force her to do it. She feels bad and guilty about the agoraphobia, and she doesn't want to prevent me from doing the things I enjoy.

Anyone have any advice on how I can support her more and be more understanding? Be more accepting of her condition?
 

green_man

Member
Thanks for that. We met on a dating site, turned out we live very near each other which was fortunate. She didn't tell me about the agoraphobia initially but mentioned it on the second or third date.

I'm learning what I can, requires patience and being a good listener. I imagine it's not something everyone would want to do, but it can be very rewarding. I hope your agoraphobia isn't too debilitating and things work out for you.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
I am agorophobic, but I will leave the house but very rarely alone. I prefer to walk at night so people don't look at me. I just don't like interacting with people at all!
If you are wondering what she may feel like (if she is like me) I just never feel safe. Ever. I always feel like the sh$t is about to hit the fan. It's like that feeling that you did something bad and you are waiting for your parents to find out. It's just that the world is such a hostile, bad place, you can hardly bare to exist in it.
I have found I have less anxiety if I have a quiet outing during the day. Like the library, or the park. Something peaceful. I sleep better at night. But if I could recommend one thing it would Yoga. Not the kind that is strenuous, but the kind that is gentle and relaxing. It is a mind and body experience that soothes and releases muscle memory, it frees you from the emotional pain by healing the body and the effects stress has on it. If you ever have any other questions, feel free to ask me.
 

green_man

Member
Hi Lavinialuna, thanks so much for your reply. Your situation seems very similar to that of my girlfriend so it's helpful to get an insight into what it's like for you. It must be hard always feeling like something bad is going to happen. I hope I can make my girlfriend feel a bit safer when I'm around. I find she does do better when I distract her from the anxiety.
It's good to hear how you deal with it, I will bear your suggestions in mind. Have you tried cycling? My girlfriend finds a nice quiet cycle ride very relaxing. The library might be a good next step for her. The hardest time for her is when everyone is at work, she is at home on her own and it must be such a long day for her. I'll see what she thinks about trying some yoga, it sounds like it could really help.
 

mismeek

Well-known member
You sound like a great bf! As a girl who has overcame her agoraphobia, I would say that being supportive is good, but encouraging her to push herself a bit is a good idea also. You don't want her to get to a point where she doesn't want to get better. Take very small steps though. For instance I was completely agoraphobic, I never left my house. When i got to the point where i could i did small steps like go to a gas station and just pull into a the parking lot.. then weeks later i would go there and stand outside my car..then weeks later went in for 10 seconds etc. Getting outside your comfort zone is the only way you can improve.

Good luck kind sir!
 
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