Anonymous
Well-known member
I feel so alone in my suffering. For some reason over the past 10
years, my world has become very, very small. I have anxiety and
depression and agoraphobia. The agoraphobia really puts major limits on
my life. Does anyone else suffer from agoraphobia? Do you find it
impossible going down streets you don't know? Do you have nightmares
where you're lost and can't find your way to a safe spot?
Safe spot.....that would be my apartment and my job. Wherever I live is
my safe spot. I cannot travel anywhere. There is no cure for this
debilitating mental illness that I'm aware of.
I cannot even go to our local lake because you have to travel down a
long, long dirt road with lots of trees on either side of the road and I
fear getting stranded on that road somehow or stranded at the lake and
feeling trapped.
Feeling trapped. Claustrophobia. That is another one of my biggest
fears. I cannot go to my local mall comfortably because of all the
people and the feeling I might feel trapped and unable to escape, or
feeling scared if I walk too far away from my car even when I'm inside
the mall. I cannot even lock my bedroom door for fear the lock will jam
and I will be stuck in my bedroom with no way of escape. Yes, escape is
very important to me, especially on the road. If I start to panic going
down a road due to traffic or sometimes due to nothing but an uneasy
feeling, I like to always know I can turn around and escape.
I can't ride public transportation like buses or subways or airplanes or
trains or be a passenger in someone else's car unless I know them and
they tell me EXACTLY which roads they'll be taking and I have to be
familiar with those roads and I have to have their word that they will
stop if I panic. I have to be in control.
I'm constantly afraid of getting or feeling lost.
My doctor gives me Prozac for depression and ativan for my anxiety which
I take ONLY when I'm feeling panic coming on. I find the Prozac very
successful for the depression.
He can't treat the agoraphobia because I don't think there is a cure.
He suggests an anxiety management group for me, but I must say, I don't
feel comfortable around people. I've tried, I really have. I stay
alone all the time. I have no friends because I choose to have no
friends. I live with my ten year old son who is sad that I cannot do
things with him outside my safe zone.
I wonder if I will ever get my old life back? I used to have a life
relatively free from fear. I could travel anywhere and do or ride
anything. During the last 10 years I was married and had a baby. My
husband verbally abused me for the first seven years of our
marriage.....can that contribute to agoraphobia? I left him 3 years ago
(!) but my fears/phobias have only worsened.
I know my panic and depression have always been with me from childhood
and are inherited, but I just feel like I'm the only one in this world
with agoraphobia.
I have this enormous fear of people, too. I look around me all the time
at people, at work, shopping centers, grocery stores, and I'm afraid of
them. They all look so mean. I feel like I'm slime beneath their feet.
Sometimes while I drive I feel this way and get very anxious and afraid,
unsafe and panicky. But all my fears melt away once I'm home in my
"safe" zone.
Will I live like this the rest of my life? My parents live in Florida
and want very much for me to visit them. They are not my biological
parents but adopted me at 3 months of age. They cannot understand
depression, anxiety and most of all agoraphobia. They just think I've
made it all up. I'm so desperate to get better yet I see no hope.
I can't wait to die, because I only exist. I do not live. But in a
way, I am very content with my life as it is. I'll just stay in my safe
spot and chat in the internet and watch television, for it is my life.
I cannot confront my agoraphobia for I know I would go crazy.
Can anyone relate? Thank you for letting me get this off my chest!
marie
years, my world has become very, very small. I have anxiety and
depression and agoraphobia. The agoraphobia really puts major limits on
my life. Does anyone else suffer from agoraphobia? Do you find it
impossible going down streets you don't know? Do you have nightmares
where you're lost and can't find your way to a safe spot?
Safe spot.....that would be my apartment and my job. Wherever I live is
my safe spot. I cannot travel anywhere. There is no cure for this
debilitating mental illness that I'm aware of.
I cannot even go to our local lake because you have to travel down a
long, long dirt road with lots of trees on either side of the road and I
fear getting stranded on that road somehow or stranded at the lake and
feeling trapped.
Feeling trapped. Claustrophobia. That is another one of my biggest
fears. I cannot go to my local mall comfortably because of all the
people and the feeling I might feel trapped and unable to escape, or
feeling scared if I walk too far away from my car even when I'm inside
the mall. I cannot even lock my bedroom door for fear the lock will jam
and I will be stuck in my bedroom with no way of escape. Yes, escape is
very important to me, especially on the road. If I start to panic going
down a road due to traffic or sometimes due to nothing but an uneasy
feeling, I like to always know I can turn around and escape.
I can't ride public transportation like buses or subways or airplanes or
trains or be a passenger in someone else's car unless I know them and
they tell me EXACTLY which roads they'll be taking and I have to be
familiar with those roads and I have to have their word that they will
stop if I panic. I have to be in control.
I'm constantly afraid of getting or feeling lost.
My doctor gives me Prozac for depression and ativan for my anxiety which
I take ONLY when I'm feeling panic coming on. I find the Prozac very
successful for the depression.
He can't treat the agoraphobia because I don't think there is a cure.
He suggests an anxiety management group for me, but I must say, I don't
feel comfortable around people. I've tried, I really have. I stay
alone all the time. I have no friends because I choose to have no
friends. I live with my ten year old son who is sad that I cannot do
things with him outside my safe zone.
I wonder if I will ever get my old life back? I used to have a life
relatively free from fear. I could travel anywhere and do or ride
anything. During the last 10 years I was married and had a baby. My
husband verbally abused me for the first seven years of our
marriage.....can that contribute to agoraphobia? I left him 3 years ago
(!) but my fears/phobias have only worsened.
I know my panic and depression have always been with me from childhood
and are inherited, but I just feel like I'm the only one in this world
with agoraphobia.
I have this enormous fear of people, too. I look around me all the time
at people, at work, shopping centers, grocery stores, and I'm afraid of
them. They all look so mean. I feel like I'm slime beneath their feet.
Sometimes while I drive I feel this way and get very anxious and afraid,
unsafe and panicky. But all my fears melt away once I'm home in my
"safe" zone.
Will I live like this the rest of my life? My parents live in Florida
and want very much for me to visit them. They are not my biological
parents but adopted me at 3 months of age. They cannot understand
depression, anxiety and most of all agoraphobia. They just think I've
made it all up. I'm so desperate to get better yet I see no hope.
I can't wait to die, because I only exist. I do not live. But in a
way, I am very content with my life as it is. I'll just stay in my safe
spot and chat in the internet and watch television, for it is my life.
I cannot confront my agoraphobia for I know I would go crazy.
Can anyone relate? Thank you for letting me get this off my chest!
marie