aggressiveness and women...

[no1]

Why is it that I feel as if the only way men meet girls is by being aggressive with them, as if that is what they expect from a man? That a man has to simply go up to a girl they have never met before, and "hit on them" or "ask them out on a date". Even if they know each other a little bit I simply cannot get over the fact that it seems as if it is expected of the man to be aggressive with the woman to date her or, to bed her, whatever you want to call it.

I just can't be sexually aggressive with women and I don't want to be, but it seems that a woman won't consider you as a man if you aren't because that is what she has come to expect of them...

Why do I *have* to be aggressive? Why can't it just be more normal? Why do I have to risk sexual harassment on her or violating her space? Why do I have to risk being seen as a predator?

I've never been able to actually proactively, or aggressively seek romantic relationships, or even initiate them for fear of being seen as a predator, and risking being seen as a pervert. yet when a guy tells another guy or a woman tells a guy what he should do about a girl he wants to take out it is almost always telling him to be aggressive with her, or at least the way I see it. It always seems to me as out of context the way they suggest. "Oh just go up to her and ask her out". How can I, out of nowhere, just go up to a girl, and ask her out? Isn't this insane if you don't know her? If you do, don't you have to have the context or syntax of your expression correctly? and if it's just to "date"her obviously you are looking to get into her pants.

I dont get it. Why can't the girl ever be the one to say anything first or at least give CLEAR SIGNALS, and not just expect the guy to be a psychic or something, and then call him weak, or a pussy for not wanting to be AGGRESSIVE with her.

It is really taunting me. It haunts me.

Because people DO do this, but I think it's wrong to be aggressive, sexually or non sexually, yet people suggest to be so. Gangsters, thugs, "badboys", etc. do this. To good girls. Girls, who are loose and open, at the time, accept. But it is clear all the want is sex. Why can't it be done in a less aggressive way though? Everyone wants it too.

And it seems.. the only way to get a girl is to be aggressive with them? Why are they attracted to this? Why are they attracted to aggression? Everyone wants sex, so, isn't one who is aggressive actually kind of weaker? I've never had a girlfriend and I've never been aggressive, yet I feel like people women especially look down on me (and guys also) because I'm not aggressive.

WHY when it comes to sexuality does it always have to equal agression.

 

[Redzer]

well i sure as hell did'nt punch the girl i am seeing now straight in the face and say LETS GET BUSY! lol but i do know what yer saying mate and it does some to be somewhat a trend but its just shallow people lookiing for ever shollower people to jump into bed with "badboys" haha fuk that badboys are the likes of the Nightstalker, BTK, Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, the Zodiac Killer, Ed Gains, Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacey, & Fred West now those are badboys not these little wankers who think there hard cause they got mates who know people lmao

 

[klytus]

*slaps no1*

That a man has to simply go up to a girl they have never met before, <...> <and> "ask them out on a date".

How is this aggressive?

Why can't it just be more normal?

Assertiveness is normal and there's nothing wrong with it.

it seems that a woman won't consider you as a man if you aren't

For a very good reason. Assertiveness is more than just being aggressive in certain situations - it's the ability to survive and ensure survival, in all environments. There is no natural place on Earth where the weak and incapable could survive. It's only our society that supports them, as an act of humanity - which is perfectly fine, but I cannot blame women for wanting men that are capable of living, sustaining life, themselves, and their beloved ones.

Why do I have to risk sexual harassment on her or violating her space?

No one says you have to do this. The guys who 'violate her space' without her intervening are only very seldom seen as potential mates by her. They exist for the woman's personal entertainment, basically.

Why do I have to risk being seen as a predator?

You could just as well ask why you have to risk anything, couldn't you? Risk is a part of life. Every single action of yours bears some risks - some are less significant, others can be lethal, but over and about, you will never be able to rid yourself off the danger of risks. It's about minimizing them. But not risking anything amounts to suspended personal development.

How can I, out of nowhere, just go up to a girl, and ask her out?

The principle is simple. She is 'hot'. As you don't know her, that appears to be the only reason for wanting to ask her out. It's not the entire picture, though. The motivation is twofold. As she looks good, it would - hopefully - be great to know whether you are cognitively compatible. That is - or should be - a first date's sole allure. Another aspect is, of course, sex. You want it. Most people want it. She wants it, too. Perhaps she wants it with you.

If you aren't cognitively compatible - be it either because she is too dumb, or different, or you are too dumb for her and too boring, it doesn't matter - you know that there's one girl less to check out. I admit, it's a very small step towards the actual goal.

Why can't the girl ever be the one to say anything first or at least give CLEAR SIGNALS, and not just expect the guy to be a psychic or something, and then call him weak, or a pussy for not wanting to be AGGRESSIVE with her.

I cannot imagine mentally mature women to do that name-calling or humiliating. I perhaps know what you feel like. The women my age have always humiliated me publicly for their own perverted satisfaction, one way or another, for no clear reason. Teenagers can be cruel. But those days are over. People have grown up - or so you would think - and want more out of their lives. Would you want to be with a girl who you would have to motivate for every single thing you would want to do with her? I wouldn't.

People DO do this though, but I think it's wrong to be aggressive, sexually or non sexually.

Assertiveness is a healthy, useful personality trait. You mistake it for aggression. It really isn't aggression in the violent sense.

This might be a good analogy: Children - who are unaware of the concept of sexual intercourse, its meaning and its allure - will mostly see it as an act of aggression. When they happen to see a couple having sex, they may think - and do so relatively often - that the man hurts the woman. That thought seems ridiculous from our mature point of view, but for a child, an extremely unexperienced person, that is the most natural impression.

I hope you understand the meaning of this example, no1.

<...> and then call him weak, or a pussy for not wanting to be AGGRESSIVE with her <...>

Again, you misinterpret assertiveness for aggression. If you fail at conveying your strengths, don't be surprised that you are seen as weak. -- And there are many manifestations of strength. Men who feature only physical strength, and standard asshole behavior - which only causes pain to the women - are not attractive to those who you would want to deal with, anyway.

 

[no1]

I simply don't get why I have to ask a girl out on a date whom I've never talked to in my life before.

 

[no1]

Klytus you think it is assertiveness but it's not. Aggression and assertiveness are different.

 

[jordybb]

Do nt take women so light... i will advice you to stay wasy from these kinda women becaue no one can judge a women.....

 

[Anubis]

How is "asking a girl out" = aggressive?

And how is "asking a girl out" = "wanting to have sex with her"?

Assumptions. And aggressiveness has nothing to do with getting a girl. Any step requiring confidence in a relationship is really an indirect way of showing you have vitality in a relationship. It's nature's way of ensuring that a couple is viable enough to partake in the commitment-heavy steps of marriage - at least for a short duration of time. If you're not able to ask a girl out, then you're subconsciously (and contradictorily) telling yourself that you're not ready for a relationship. Your body doesn't want to do what you think it can't do.

My uncle went through the same thing. He didn't get married until he was 33. He was an extreme bachelor until that time but he was still interested in eventually getting married. However, if you looked at him, you'd wonder if he'd ever get married. But something happened when he turned 33 that psychologically made him ready for a relationship. When that happened, he instantly got a girl, and dated her for 3 months until he proposed.

 

[klytus]

I simply don't get why I have to ask a girl out on a date whom I've never talked to in my life before.

Klytus you think it is assertiveness but it's not. Aggression and assertiveness are different.

Did you even read my post, or do I have to simplify it?

 

[Redzer]

I simply don't get why I have to ask a girl out on a date whom I've never talked to in my life before.

How else would you ever met somebody?????

 

[no1]

*slaps no1*
The principle is simple. She is 'hot'. As you don't know her, that appears to be the only reason for wanting to ask her out. It's not the entire picture, though. The motivation is twofold. As she looks good, it would - hopefully - be great to know whether you are cognitively compatible. That is - or should be - a first date's sole allure. Another aspect is, of course, sex. You want it. Most people want it. She wants it, too. Perhaps she wants it with you.

If you aren't cognitively compatible - be it either because she is too dumb, or different, or you are too dumb for her and too boring, it doesn't matter - you know that there's one girl less to check out. I admit, it's a very small step towards the actual goal.

Actually that is very superficial. To only consider talking to her or going out on a date simply beacuse she is "hot".

 

[klytus]

Actually that is very superficial. To only consider talking to her or going out on a date simply beacuse she is "hot".

No, it's not. It's actually the opposite of being superficial. You go out with her to learn more about her, to see if there's more than her good looks.

 

[cristina87]

No, it's not. It's actually the opposite of being superficial. You go out with her to learn more about her, to see if there's more than her good looks.

Actually, it is because you may miss out on meeting someone really great

 

[no1]

Actually, it is because you may miss out on meeting someone really great

exactly. when you only choose to interact with the 'hot ones' you are also rejecting all those you perceive to be less than "hot."

 

[klytus]

exactly. when you only choose to interact with the 'hot ones' you are also rejecting all those you perceive to be less than "hot."

Eh, yes, but how would you want to have a romantic relationship without physical attraction?

Actually, it is because you may miss out on meeting someone really great

If you mean it the way no1 does, then, no, you can't. Not in the romantic sense. Unless you have insanely high demands on a potential mate's looks. You need to feel physically attracted to the person. At least I do. And 'great' for what purpose? No matter how nice or bright someone might be, if there's no sexual attraction, there is never going to be a healthy romantic relationship.

 

[cristina87]

Eh, yes, but how would you want to have a romantic relationship without physical attraction?


If you mean it the way no1 does, then, no, you can't. Not in the romantic sense. Unless you have insanely high demands on a potential mate's looks. You need to feel physically attracted to the person. At least I do. And 'great' for what purpose? No matter how nice or bright someone might be, if there's no sexual attraction, there is never going to be a healthy romantic relationship.

Well, there are some beautiful people you may overlook because of what the media tells you is beautiful. If someone has a great personality, sometimes their looks aren't nearly as important as one may have once thought. There have been times where I met someone and I wasn't necessarily physically attracted to them at first, but once I got to know them and see what a great personality they had, my whole viewpoint changed...just something to think about....I'm not saying we can all be attracted to everyone..but maybe sometimes the way someone looks isn't as important as we think.

 

[JCS008]

You're lazy no1. You want women to come up to you and initiate everything, while you can just sit back and wait for them to come running over to you. I don't know why its like that where the man should be the one pursuing the woman, but that's just the way the world works. Fine, you don't agree with it. That's cool since everyone is entitled to their own opinion and way of life. But the main throwback to that is, if you just sit there, you probably won't meet anyone. It's cool to stand by your beliefs, but don't expect people around you to change, if you aren't willing to budge from your beliefs either.

You need to make a choice. Wait for women to come to you, which could happen someday, or you can step up and change your beliefs and go after women. And no, you don't have to be overly aggressive, a jerk or overbearing. I and several other people I know have met many women just by being ourselves and being friendly, but at the same time respecting their space and identity. But the porblem with you is that you want a lot, but aren't willing to give a little.

 

[no1]

You're lazy no1. You want women to come up to you and initiate everything, while you can just sit back and wait for them to come running over to you. I don't know why its like that where the man should be the one pursuing the woman, but that's just the way the world works. Fine, you don't agree with it. That's cool since everyone is entitled to their own opinion and way of life. But the main throwback to that is, if you just sit there, you probably won't meet anyone. It's cool to stand by your beliefs, but don't expect people around you to change, if you aren't willing to budge from your beliefs either.

You need to make a choice. Wait for women to come to you, which could happen someday, or you can step up and change your beliefs and go after women. And no, you don't have to be overly aggressive, a jerk or overbearing. I and several other people I know have met many women just by being ourselves and being friendly, but at the same time respecting their space and identity. But the porblem with you is that you want a lot, but aren't willing to give a little.

I already have done enough approaching to learn that it is no good for me.

 

[JCS008]

I already have done enough approaching to learn that it is no good for me.

alright cool then sit back and relax and wait for the women to come swarming to you, and if that doesn't work don't complain.

 

[no1]

on the other hand, why do women expect that men will always have to swarm them? Why can't it be more equal?

it is ONLY a belief that the man should be the one doing all the initiating. why should we have to guess at everything. at least give us men a sign.

 

[cristina87]

sometimes there is no sign to be given