Addicted to leaving people

[EscapeArtist]

Lying awake in bed last night, I realized something.I feel like I have a cycle of addiction, that goes like this:
Idealize about a stranger, if I meet the stranger (rare circumstances) I at first obsess, then they don't meet my expectations or I feel inferior and or exposed around them, then I mysteriously drop off the earth or push them away sometimes without even realizing i'm doing it (even if they're extremely close friends that i've had for years). I feel like it gives me superiority and some kind of illusion of freedom. I dream about making true friends that last, but I can't stop leaving people when I feel like they're beginning to know me! I've lost some good, long lasting friendships because of this, and many small ones that could have blossomed.This is probably a control thing, showing myself and them that I can't be "controlled". Finally making a friend and then leaving them, equally excited by both actions. Part of me likes the idea of being that "lone wolf" mysterious character, and another part of myself is lonely and regretful, the second dominates at the moment.
How. Do. I. Cut. This. OFF... !! There should be a avoidant personality/agoraphobic recovery center. -SIGH-.

 

[chrisjurban]

I am usually anxious-avoidant in my relationships. My girlfriend is securely attached. Usually when I do the avoidant thing it happens subconsciously and I don't know I'm not doing what I really want to do (i.e., connect with her). From observing her I'm starting to recognize when I do it and I'm beginning to change to a more secure attachment style, which is what I had when I was little.

 

[Iseesky]

This is exactly what I've been doing!
I went from having so many friends, to having only a few friends.
I don't like people getting close to me. Like you, I enjoy being on my own, but I dream of having a group of life-long friends like in Seinfeld or Friends or any other show like that. I need to start letting people get to know me. Even if I don't like it.

 

[Heekaru]

I keep doing this too.. because I never feel like anybody is going to like me once they get to know me and I dont want to get hurt when they realise they dont like me. ::

 

[constance]

I feel a lot like that at times when I'm with friends or people i've just met. it's hard for me to open up to people on a deep personal level so all I want to do after is just push them away the more they get to know me. i've lost touch with a few good friends because i'm that way.

 

[Richey]

yeh this always happens, especially with the people i went to university with and the people from work that i got on ok with ..i never really initiate meeting up outside of that realm ..i tend to let others do the chasing which is my biggest problem ..i mean its why i have no friends now. something i need to improve on. but the problem now is that there is nobody at work who i have gotten close to or been that friendly with so i need to get out more as well.

i feel that they won't like me or something

 

[yumesa]

I am the same!!! I want to seem like this mysterious, cool person but it seems like people think of me as boring or cute which makes me sad. I am ashamed of myself from my hobbies and things I like. Would really like to have a friend or two that I'd consider good or best friends. Its hard for me to open up or even talk about something without thinking that they would find me awkward, boring, or stupid so I grow distant when it comes to a point that we're getting too close or they find out too much.

 

[Squishington]

I tend to want to get rid of almost everyone I know (except for my girlfriend) simply because I find everyone else was never there for me or just says my anxiety and other illnesses aren't real problems. Knowing they feel that way about my medical conditions and to have them look down at me all because they're driving in their cars and working full time while I'm taking a while longer to get where they are, it just makes me want to cut contact off with everyone. Though I'm not far from it, the only person i really want around is my girlfriend as she gets my problems more than anyone, and understands I'm doing my best to go through uni and keep my job.

 

[Kinetik]

I know how you feel. I can't keep friendships because they only last a couple of weeks at most before I get weirded out and stop contacting them. I obsess that I come across as needy so as a result I am the most evasive person out there. Because of that, it becomes all one-way traffic (ie. they have to do all the legwork) and so it dies out. It's the same thing with girls - they have to initiate things on a consistent basis or I'm not interested - so my relationships tend to only last a matter of weeks as well. It's as if I can't maintain anything, and every interaction I have with someone has to be solely on my terms, which I realize isn't fair. I find it difficult to explain to people that I'm not trying to be selfish, but that it's just the way I am.

 

[Checkonit22]

*this is removed*

 

[guessed]

the only person i really want around is my girlfriend as she gets my problems more than anyone, and understands I'm doing my best to go through uni and keep my job.

How did your girlfriend manage to avoid getting pushed away like others? Could you tell she was more understanding from the start? Or were you more willing to open up with her?