Aaaarggh!! I hate this life

[SilentStranger]

Sorry all! This kinda of vent post folk. Not the best to do returning to this place after such a loong absence (not entirely my choice). Not that it matters, most of the regular names I remember seem to have left the site or are dormant.


Arrrgg I hate this SP. I fear I am about to fall into another abyss again. Too much things happening. Too busy trying to do things 'normal' people do. All the while suffering and being ashed of my lot. Hope it all don't fall in a heap.

I think I really need a break from work and all. Where can I go? Back to parents place where I am reminded of the darker times during uni and school? I donno. I prolly talked about this stuff before... Its all the same not much change, I am a just a bit older.


-SS

 

[Danedo]

I feel you on the parents place.

I have so much emotional baggage with my parents, more specifically the house we lived in.

Sometimes I feel like, I'll just say it, Jenny from Forrest Gump, wishing the house would just blow up (my parents moved, so no harm done haha).

I haven't changed all that much either. I've gotten better, but I still feel a huge gap between myself and others.

 

[SilentStranger]

Yeah that house although I only lived at that last house 5 or so years (we moved houses few times including o/s) but its where I spent my most darkest times in that is my late teen years. That place has so many bad memories and sometimes especially when I am idling there it all comes back.

But I don't have anywhere else to go. I hate going on holidays by myself and I don't have anybody else to go with or visit. So apart from hiding in this very small apartment, its my only choice.

As for improving, yeah I am the same here. I have improved, but the gap between myself and others are so massive. I hope (still) that I can close that gap to an extent that my life resembles something close to normal. I can only hope, I don't really know how to achieve it.

 

[Ignace]

I hate my life too. I'm not going to say anything more, it's too exhausting to all put it here..

 

[Gideon.Waller]

SilentStranger - even if you don't know how to achieve it, at least you still know it cna be achieved. That's a great first step...

 

[SilentStranger]

Gideon, thanks for those kind words. Its hard sometimes as I grow older to keep that hope. Sometimes I feel that hope is all I have got. Thinking about the alternative is a surefire way to fall down that abyss... so I guess that hope is good.

Ignace, Yeah I know what you mean, sometimes thinking about all that is not right is too difficult.

 

[Gideon.Waller]

once you have hope, the next trick is to start small - small successes that you can set yourself up for. that way you can get in the mindset!

 

[Fighter86]

I hate my life too. I'm not going to say anything more, it's too exhausting to all put it here..

I would say I'm more exasperated with my life, but well, its kind of the same as you mentioned *lets out a scream at this highly unsatisfactory life*.