wayfarerfree
Member
To get to the point immiediately:
I cannot do it.
I'd resigned myself to the idea that Im not going to find love, or able to love again. I thought to myself, maybe I can just have the sex, without the rest of it, and escape getting hurt, or making myself vulnerable. I placed a profile on a free popular dating site, and got emailed by a girl. We chatted for a week online before exchanging email and phone numbers, we both stated we wanted just sex...
I spent 2 days with her at her house. We were able to talk very easily, despite her english not being excellent. I discovered I enjoyed her company quite a lot, we explored each other physically, but we also got on very well...
I opened up a big can of worms in my heart, though, and rediscovered how to cry. We both said that we suddenly realised that sex without love was not what we were looking for, and that we were both going to stop looking for it anymore. It felt like we had helped each other heal, in some way.We cuddled as we watched "Once" on the first night. She said she missed her ex-boyfriend, but was confused because she never felt that way when she was with him, which was why they split up.
On the 2nd day though, she remarked she wanted me to take naked photos of herself to send to a guy she was teaching French to, a guy with a girlfriend who had been sending her photos of himself. My heart sank. I had begun to enjoy her company. Our time together had begun to feel like a date until then. I told her I wanted to leave and go to the station. She looked really sad. I know she didnt understand why I was hurt, but she wanted to remain in contact with me. I said I dont think that would be fair to me. I tried to explain that I saw myself wanting more.
I couldnt leave her looking so upset. We eventually walked through the city together for hours, talking. But I should have left her at the house, and protected my newly opened heart. When we got to the train station, there was suddenly no time left to say all the things I wanted to say.
I got totally hammered, drunk on the train, and again when I got home. I sent a couple of text messages trying to repair the situation, but to no avail.
I was 2 hours late for work the next day, and went home after only being there for 2 hours, too upset to be any use.
Somebody very sweet had shown me again what it was like to be wanted, and then taken it away the next day. I came home from work to find an an email. "I dont know what I want, but its not you."
I deleted my profile on the dating website. Im in pieces now. Theres no chance of taking what seemed to be a learning, intimate experience and building upon it, because she says that after a year apart, shes returning to her ex-boyfriend in France.
It was nice to feel like a human though, just for a while.
Placebo - I Know - YouTube
I cannot do it.
I'd resigned myself to the idea that Im not going to find love, or able to love again. I thought to myself, maybe I can just have the sex, without the rest of it, and escape getting hurt, or making myself vulnerable. I placed a profile on a free popular dating site, and got emailed by a girl. We chatted for a week online before exchanging email and phone numbers, we both stated we wanted just sex...
I spent 2 days with her at her house. We were able to talk very easily, despite her english not being excellent. I discovered I enjoyed her company quite a lot, we explored each other physically, but we also got on very well...
I opened up a big can of worms in my heart, though, and rediscovered how to cry. We both said that we suddenly realised that sex without love was not what we were looking for, and that we were both going to stop looking for it anymore. It felt like we had helped each other heal, in some way.We cuddled as we watched "Once" on the first night. She said she missed her ex-boyfriend, but was confused because she never felt that way when she was with him, which was why they split up.
On the 2nd day though, she remarked she wanted me to take naked photos of herself to send to a guy she was teaching French to, a guy with a girlfriend who had been sending her photos of himself. My heart sank. I had begun to enjoy her company. Our time together had begun to feel like a date until then. I told her I wanted to leave and go to the station. She looked really sad. I know she didnt understand why I was hurt, but she wanted to remain in contact with me. I said I dont think that would be fair to me. I tried to explain that I saw myself wanting more.
I couldnt leave her looking so upset. We eventually walked through the city together for hours, talking. But I should have left her at the house, and protected my newly opened heart. When we got to the train station, there was suddenly no time left to say all the things I wanted to say.
I got totally hammered, drunk on the train, and again when I got home. I sent a couple of text messages trying to repair the situation, but to no avail.
I was 2 hours late for work the next day, and went home after only being there for 2 hours, too upset to be any use.
Somebody very sweet had shown me again what it was like to be wanted, and then taken it away the next day. I came home from work to find an an email. "I dont know what I want, but its not you."
I deleted my profile on the dating website. Im in pieces now. Theres no chance of taking what seemed to be a learning, intimate experience and building upon it, because she says that after a year apart, shes returning to her ex-boyfriend in France.
It was nice to feel like a human though, just for a while.
Placebo - I Know - YouTube
Last edited:
