A random thing I have to do...

[Dakiaris]

My sister threw this form at me and said to come read a few things.. Post if I feel the need to... Honestly I don't wanna post I would rather keep to myself.... I've been unable to be professionally diagnosed due to bad financial situations..... I keep being told I have multiple signs of social anxiety disorder and severe signs of being a fearful avoidant... Anyway I'll try to explain the best I can....

I have issues interacting with people in person... I can talk to people online or on the phone... But in person I can't do it I get really anxious to the point I have issues breathing and feel like I can't get away.. I have a very small number of friends and my family who I can actually speak to but when it comes to strangers I can't bring myself to do it... I hurt because how lonely I am but I keep pushing anyone I even start to have feelings for away sometimes without even realize I'm doing it.. I'm a 26 year old male who lives at home with his parents and am suffering a heart issue which could potentially kill me.. I'm just desperate at the moment because I don't know how I can deal with the doctors or anyone else.. I have to get it done but I can't bring myself to leave my room and go around the people I have to see to get treatment but maybe once a week... I can't handle the stress that simple situations cause me such as right now I'm trying to deal with getting financial help to get treatment but I just don't know how to deal with the people...

I'm scared and desperate.... I don't care if I die but the few people who are willing to put up with me I wanna get help for them I don't wanna let the only people that stay with me no matter how hard I push them away down the thought of it just hurts to much.......


I'm sorry if this seems random I just don't know what else I can do...

 

[bcsr]

Welcome. It does say a lot about how strongly out of whack our priorities are when dealing with social anxiety. Think about it, we're more afraid of being around people than we are dealing with a life-threatening situation. It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud, doesn't it?

When I was really struggling with anxiety, I used to make myself stop and consider the pros and cons of every decision. What's the worst that could happen if I put myself into a social setting? I get anxious and scared... I might leave and rush back to my room. Okay, well, I'm already anxious and scared and spend 90% of my time in my room. So I don't really have anything to lose, do I? The potential benefits, however, are huge. Especially in your situation.

 

[Dakiaris]

I keep thinking and I feel like I'm thinking to much about every situation I go into... I always end up back in my room after the situation and I feel at ease when I'm in my room... I talk to friends online on a regular basis and talk to them about how I'm feeling and I get advice from them... I can never seem to act on the advice given no matter how much I want to it's as if something is holding me back... I try to hang out with friends in person but I have issues doing it because no matter what I feel guilty or unwelcome no matter how hard they try to tell me that I'm fine... I know I shouldn't feel that way because if they really didn't wanna hang out with me they wouldn't have went out of the way to pick me up considering how far I live from them... I find myself sad about those situations and I don't know why I feel this way.... The last time I attempted a relationship with someone I ended up pushing her away without realizing it and not understanding why till years later.... When I realized I pushed her away I got very depressed and didn't know what to do.... Now though I'm starting to see what I'm doing and all it seems to do is hurt.... I'm going and attempting to get things in order to get my heart checked and see if I can get surgery but when I go I get really anxious and start to feel really sick.. I feel like I'm going to claw through the wall to get away from the doctors and it leaves me sitting on the bed unable to speak... My mom usually speaks to them for me so it's not like I'm not going to get help because I can't communicate because those around me are helping me...... It's just I feel so worthless like I'm just a burden to everyone around me.... The harder I try to change it the worse I feel because I realize I'm not making any headway... I wanna pay everyone back for helping me because I feel like it's just the right thing to do that's why I'm sticking with getting help....

I'm just to a point I wanna break down and cry in a dark hole and never come out... sorry if I'm being a dower.

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

Maybe try telling the doctors and nurses about your SA since they should know a little something about what you're going through. I feel a lot better about interacting when it is with someone whom I know understands SA. You'll still be nervous but I don't think it will be as bad. Good luck!

 

[Dakiaris]

Maybe try telling the doctors and nurses about your SA since they should know a little something about what you're going through. I feel a lot better about interacting when it is with someone whom I know understands SA. You'll still be nervous but I don't think it will be as bad. Good luck!

Because I don't have financial help at the moment and I've only been to the ER all that happened was the doctor opened up poorly got me so anxious I wanted to claw through the wall to get away and I wound up at home with my parents worried.

I have a heart issue that is going to require surgery and it will kill me if left undone... The thing is that it's not required till there are some sort of complications.. The doctor opened up the same way they always do but I still got really anxious... Saying "Have you had surgery yet" I shook my head no and he just responded "you realize you're going to die without it" and I lost it. The best way I can explain my heart problem is that if left untreated death isn't a if it's a when.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[bcsr]

I don't advocate psychiatric medicine except in extreme situations, but you might want to look for a free mental health clinic in your area. They do exist, I took a friend to one once, and she got some much needed medication and free counseling.

All of that, though, is really a secondary at the moment, you need to take care of your heart problem first. If you feel sick, you feel sick. If you are worried you wont be able to say something that you need to tell the doctors, write it down before you go in, and just let them read it.

 

[Dakiaris]

The main thing that triggered this post all of the sudden was the fact that today is my grandmothers birthday.... I'm actually anxious to leave the house and go see her even though I used to never feel like this... Just 6 years ago I worked at walmart I avoided talking to people when it came to personal things and was anxious the whole time I was around people but I was able to do it.... I had to quit that job and help my parents with somethings and I was never able to find work again.. I attempted to go to college around 3 years ago and I found myself making a few friends even though I was anxious around everyone... I had issues with financial aid and had to drop out... Since then I've just stayed home and looked online for work... I attempted multiple times to go out from shop to shop and put in applications but always got a little slip saying the website to go to.... The entire time I would go out I would be really anxious and unconfterble and usually just go and do what needed to be done as quickly as possible and retreat home.... I would get home and feel fine and go online and put in the applications and talk to my friends online... I have always had friends online I talk to and even if I get stressed with them sometimes I never felt anxious talking to them.... Then around 4 months ago I started having chest pains to a debilitating level and stopped looking for work and just tried to hide the pain I was having because I figured it wasn't that bad.... then 2 months ago I went to the ER because I was so weak and disoriented that I couldn't function correctly... While I was there I was anxious the whole time to the point my pulse would jump up to 150-160 and I would feel worse and my chest pains had me stressed.... The doctor in the er opened up the conversation with "have you had surgery on your heart yet" which I responded with a shake for no.. He went on to say "you know you're going to die without it"... I already know this because it's a matter of when not if with my heart and this just put me under much more stress and was made worse when he asked why I was so anxious... I denied I was anxious and he just looked at me in such a way it made me leave even though the doctor tried to get me to stay... I'm stuck with a 900 dollar bill now and I'm stressing over that...... I'm attempting to get financial help but having issues gaining the will to deal with the required people to do so... I have to figure out how I'm going to find a cardiologist who can help me... I'm relying on others to do what needs to be done because I keep finding myself stuck in place so anxious that I can't speak and after the situations are over I always feel really bad because I feel like I'm just being a burden....


My sister gave me a link to this forum and said to read maybe reading what others are having issues with will help me deal with them... I read the forum for a few days and decided to post something and see what others say.... Anyway I'll be home later I'm being forced out no matter how much I don't wanna go out.

 

[laure15]

^This is quite a dilemma you're in. If you don't get a job (or win the lottery), then you won't have money to pay for the heart surgery. But in order to get a job, you need to overcome the social anxiety.

I'm scared and desperate.... I don't care if I die but the few people who are willing to put up with me I wanna get help for them I don't wanna let the only people that stay with me no matter how hard I push them away down the thought of it just hurts to much.......

So the fear of letting down your loved ones is greater than your fear of dying. Keep that in mind when you see the doctor.

 

[Dakiaris]

So it's been a few days and I went to the ER to get referred to a cardiologist and had quiet the stressful situations popping up... It wasn't all that bad but I was so drained that when it came time for me to sign my name it was just a wavy line...

I'm about to go sign a release at the cardiologist for my medical records and make a appointment.... I'll worry about the bills later down the road...... Just posting this to let people know I am getting help.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Get the surgery done if you can, pay later! If you don't, you'll end up in ER and may not arrive in time. One way or another, the hospital is going to give you a bill! Just get the operation done.
I wish you luck. Sounds like you have it really rough!

 

[neohorizon]

at least you have support from your family, nice attitude from your sister

i think you should worry more about you, live each day as your last one... Wake up ready for fight and change your life, after u get this feeling of WAR against your problems and the feeling of getting better each day, problems like "What these people think about me?" will not hurt you anymore like before, you get eagerness with your life;

Say what YOU want to say, do want YOU want to do, stop running away, avoiding, hiding your feelings and your problems... you need help man! (as everybody here) at least try to not be self destructive (like denying your problem to the doctor) SA is a struggle, its hard enough without we running away, so face it! Every step forward is a joy

bye, sorry my english, just trying to help