A question for women with SA

[bluemoonrising]

I'm 19 and I live with three males and no other females but the thought of talking to guys, even just having normal conversations terrifies me. I can't approach anyone because of this. Its slightly easier for me with girls as there is no heavy expectation hanging over me as there is with guys.
I've never had a boyfriend or even kissed anyone (and havn't admitted that before).
I know its stupid because I'm young etc etc, but sometimes I feel like I'm going to die alone.
Its not my looks or anything, its more....no idea what to say.
If there are any others like this out there, how do you deal with this? Have you overcome it?

Merci

 

[jaixo]

Have you experimented with talking just one-on-one with a guy? Sometimes, I find it's easier to focus on what they're saying and the vibe of how they are and what they're expecting rather than trying to impress a whole group at once. I guess for some it'd seem scarier being alone but you could find that it's the most comfortable way for you to at least start out.

 

[Feathers]

Bluemoon, how come you are living with them - are they relatives or roommates?
Can you talk to them at all, or just can't talk to other people outside the flat/house?
A roommate literally pushed me into a chair to talk to a new flatmate at the dorm once... (Unfortunately I fell in love with him and had to move to a different dorm.. where I met lots of really great people and some best friends too! Soo.. what's the worst that can happen?) Are they too attractive or too cross-looking or walking around indecently clothed or...? Maybe you can talk with people in class more easily too? (I did, sort of.)

Yes, 1:1 can be easier.. Or with any other girls around... Can you invite any girl friends over? Or move? I can talk to unattractive guys or people who talk to me first easily... Have you tried just smiling and letting them talk to you first?

I never had a boyfriend or a real kiss before I was 19, he he - and at 19, things magically started happening!! Soo... maybe things will start happening for you too?
And when you have a boyfriend, it will be muuch easier to talk to other guys too!!

 

[bluemoonrising]

No I live with relatives. I just meant talking to guys in general really, specifically whenI've gone out to a bar for example.

 

[something.scarlet]

I'm 19 going on 20 and I've never had a boyfriend. I've only been intimate with a guy twice a couple years ago, Both times I was pretty drunk. I didn't like the guy at all and pretty much just wanted to get the whole losing my virginity thing over with. I've had plenty of chances to have relationships but I couldn't even look the guys I was attracted to in the eyes (I have no problem talking to guys I'm not attracted to though). I'm too embarassed to admit that I've never had a boyfriend so not even my best friend of 5 years knows. I'm constantly made fun of by my friends for never having relationships and I'm pretty sure my family thinks I'm a lesbian. So yeah, You're not alone sweety!

 

[bluemoonrising]

Yeah about the lesbian thing. I'm pretty sure my family think that too. It's hard to have hope and think that someone's gonna come along who I won't feel uncomfortable with, but I'll have to keep looking I suppose

 

[overcome.]

I'm actually in a similiar boat to tell the truth. I kind of fear that I'll be alone forever. I'm 19 too, and I've had a bit of trouble speaking to some kinds of people in the past. The fear isn't quite knowing what to say, it's generalised anxiety and symptoms that I get. I do understand, because like I said, I can't help but slightly worry about being alone for a long time.

If you'd ever like to talk, that'd always be nice. It'd be quite good to speak to somebody about similiar perceptions of fear and problems that are going on.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

I am a guy but use to have that problem with females. I worked at the supermarket and that helped a little but the biggest help was making friends with fellow members on sites like these. It really works fast.

 

[staticreflex]

If you don't know what to talk about, you can just ask guys questions and get them talking about themselves, this has worked on me before

 

[Fighter86]

Hmm, I'm not sure if your being intimate with a guy or having a boyfriend would help ease things for you. I mean you could be comfortable around your boyfriend but still be shy around other guys? I was somewhat intimate with a male on several occasions but I still have anxiety around other guys, I just act or say strange things around them so I would say having a boyfriend or intimacy with a male won't quite solve SA male related issues i guess. As for how to approach your male room mates, I'm not sure either as I'm not too good with males myself, but the suggestions above do sound fine to me.

 

[bluemoonrising]

Probably self imposed I'd have to say. All my problems only exist in my head so when I can think differently then I'll be fine I'm sure.