A newcomers problems

flutterby7

flutterby7

New member
I’ve been putting off writing here for a while now. I often wonder what is wrong with me, and I wish I did not have to ask myself that question every day. I really hate it.
I don’t do anything anymore or see friends; I just lie in bed all day. I’m angry at myself for doing this and feeling sorry for myself but I cannot get out of this rut I’m in. I’m positive I have social anxiety although it has never being diagnosed. I’ve been extremely shy for a long time but now it’s interfering with my life and how I feel. I know it’s all to do with expectations. Especially if there is a person I feel I have to impress – I cannot function and be the person I am. This happens with my boyfriend. I hardly talk to him, I can’t make decisions, I won’t go anywhere with him (the cinemas or out for dinner) I reject all the invites to parties and I won’t meet his family or friends. I’m worried of embarrassing myself and people judging me. What if I make the wrong decision? What if everyone thinks I’m stupid?
Therefore this leads to me feeling depressed because I can’t act like I want to. It’s as if there is a barrier stopping me from what I want to do and say.
Also I feel like I’m paranoid a lot of the time. I have to re read everything I write many times and make sure I have nothing visibly wrong with me. I try to be as perfect as I can so people can’t criticise me.
Even at my school prom I couldn’t dance and enjoy myself. I found myself being in the toilets alone. This has also happened on other occasions. I avoid everything that causes me to feel uncomfortable.
I feel overwhelmed by everything. I went to a doctor once but it resulted in me crying and I found it hard to explain everything. I don't know if I need to be on medication or see a psychologist.
I apologise for the length of this and going on about myself but I just want some help and comfort and would like to know how you cope with things.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Hi Flutterby & Welcome!

You're lucky to have a bf - that is more than many on this forum!

Maybe your parents or other people in your life have been critical of you? Or have had big expectations? Have you been under stress?

Well, there could be an underlying health problem (like eg thyroid) or food sensitivity or maybe CBT could help - it's good to check for any health problems and to learn better and more helpful ways of thinking too... I found the Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns helpful, it's a general introduction to CBT, not for SA specifically, it can help you look at things differently though and can help with depression or such. There are many other books on CBT or ACT too, info online etc.
If you're not that into reading, maybe you can find a psychologist or some other counselling and/or support group. I think it's better to leave meds as a 'last resort' and if really necessary...

Feel the Fear and Do It is a great book for anyone fearing decisions. Basically every decision is a learning opportunity - even if it doesn't go as expected you will have learnt something new!!

I'm pretty sure 'everyone' won't think you're 'stupid' - and even if they did think so - what would that say about them?
Some will maybe admit they didn't know the same thing as well...

I've had troubles with perfectionism too, it's not easy, you can take steps to counter it though!

Wishing you good luck!!
 
flutterby7

flutterby7

New member
Thank you for the welcome everyone! It's nice to feel part of something.

@ Feathers - I know I am very lucky to have a boyfriend & he accepts me for being like this. But sometimes I just wish I could not feel so anxious with him. My parents have never been critical of me. I think the big expectations and stress just comes from the SA and thoughts I give myself. I don't think there is an underlying health problem.
Yes I am into reading and "Feel the fear and Do it" sounds interesting, thank you for the suggestion I will be sure to look into it.
Thanks for the comment Feathers
 
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