a hard time.. having ''anxiety tics''':(

[Falkor]

im a bit dissapointed and sad, because it was really hard going to the theatre
(i wanted to go to the theatre with a friend).
Everyone was sitting close together and I started to have tics
I felt so ashamed, I was sad and angry at the same time..
I was losing the grip on my body and face, and i started to act like a robot
I was twitching my arms,neck,hands,feet.. and i was moving my head like 200 times on one minute to look if people saw me.. i felt like i could die
i also couldnt control my facional expression anymore, so i started to laugh outta nowhere or started to look mad, and i couldnt drink my tea
my friend and i went outside for a walk
but my friend told me ''this dark times will get lightened up for me''
I started to cry and he told me i could just show my emotions, he told me he went through a hard time and he know exactly how i feel, i asked him. isnt this weird for you too see? he said, you know what friends are for right?
but still i feel so ashamed of my anxiety tics.. asked me if i was ok.. i said no and i ran away

i had a moment that i thought '' what kind of living do i have..'' my friend told me it must be really hard for me because he said, how can you celebrate your bday? if you feel this way around people, i told him, thats what makes me feel so sad everyday, just because i want to give a real party,
i pray everyday so i cannot have anxiety tics, because this makes me feel so anxious.. my psych told me i have Obsessive–compulsive disorder with everything, like i cannot control what i do, thats so hard

and its all because of anxiety

 

[Feathers]

Hey Saskia! Well, you are VERY brave to have gone to the theatre! couldn't have been easy..

Have you thought, maybe you've been trying to do too much all in one week? I mean, counselling, support group, school, now this... maybe it's good to just give yourself credit for things you HAVE accomplished!!
YAY for being brave and going to the theatre! And for other things!!

OCD can be bad, there can be good days too, I have had some OCD too, I think.. Don't let the labels get to you!! They are just labels, it matters what is inside you: a wonderful human being!!
OCD can even help make you more successful if you focus on something good and worthwhile!! For example, if you really focus on a good song, you can make it better than someone without OCD! Or if you focus on getting better etc..

It's great you have friends that you can be yourself with!

Sorry to hear about the twitching, are you maybe lacking magnesium or something like that?

Maybe you could start with eg a smaller cafe where there are not so many people and they are sitting wider apart etc? Or at a time when there are less people there?

You have been making progress and you will again!!
It's just a small temporary setback! These things happen.. You may feel like you're right where you started, but actually you're further ahead!! Even the fact that you WENT was BRAVE!!

Hang on Saskia, fingers crossed for you!! ((hugs))