23 yr old female - never been in a relationship

[TheWall]

I saw this post a while ago on another forum and just thought to post it here.

I agree, [the mentality that women have it so much better than men] is something that I constantly see perpetuated on this forum, and it is incredibly tiresome. No matter how many women have come forth and have explained the serious, debilitating problems they have due to SA, they're completely dismissed, which can be depressing and discouraging. I overlooked it for a really long time, but it's getting beyond obnoxious now. If a woman musters the courage to challenge their flawed assertions, she's usually met with a flat-out refusal to even entertain her point of view, and is, in response, sometimes belittled with even more unfounded, ridiculous nonsense (e.g., "yep, all you've gotta do is be a woman. How lucky for you"). Many women here have serious issues for which they seek support, and, yes, we're lucky enough to be completely dismissed, and we're even so lucky (in some cases) as to have our social hindrances solely attributed to the notion that we just must not be "pretty enough." Ah yes, how lucky we are. Like you, I'm also sick of the lack of personal responsibility that I find here, because I've actually read posts in which some men have openly blamed women for their problems. Absolutely ridiculous.

I agree.

 

[LonelyLoser]

hoth wake up to yourself!!! we have plenty of pretenders here who doesnt even have SA. we have members who boasts about how many friends they have, their good looks, their hot gf/bf, their amazing social life. Good for them and thats why they dont belong here.

in blackholes case she claims to be an agoraphobic once, she thinks she has S.A but shes just one party animal.

theres like a member in a lonely forum who whinges how lonely she is but she has alot of close contacts and she fucks 7 guys in 7 days and parties like no tommorow. ppl like that pisses me off about how they lie about their problems.

So maybe thats their biggest problem its not S.A, or loneliness its jst that they having trouble telling us the truth. When do the lies end????? :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:

 

[Riiya]

[Monthly post deletion.]

 

[Walk]

Although there are girls who have SA and suffer from it, let's be honest. Girls do have it easier when it comes to attracting guys in their life.

I knew a really shy girl who got hit on a regular basis.

Women don't usually hit on guys as often as guys hit on girls. Doesn't mean they won't continue to suffer from SA once they're in a relationship, but it just shows that when it comes to getting hit on, girls are in a much better position than guys.

 

[Hoth]

Let's suppose it is statistically more common for shy girls to be "hit on". What's the point of telling that to a woman who hasn't been hit on, or is only hit on by creeps? Seems like you're just trying to make such a woman feel worse and tell her it's hard to imagine someone so incredibly revolting as her. Statistical trends don't make it any easier on the individual, so perhaps sympathy would be more appropriate than dismissing people as whiners who should get over themselves and realize how good they have it (which is what a lot of non-SA people would say to all of us, so if you don't like being on the receiving end don't be on the giving end).

Maybe all the men who keep whining about being virgins should be dismissed because it's easier and more socially acceptable for a man to hire a prostitute than for a woman to do so.

Also, I've discovered that people whose usernames begin with the letter W are 30% more likely to live blissfully happy flawless lives. You have no right to complain about your life, because you have a W and I don't.

hoth wake up to yourself!!! we have plenty of pretenders here who doesnt even have SA. we have members who boasts about how many friends they have, their good looks, their hot gf/bf, their amazing social life.

Hint: it's called social anxiety. The more social life you have, the more opportunities for anxiety in it. If this were the avoidant personality disorder forum then you might have a point -- those people aren't avoidant -- but you have absolutely no basis for claiming that they aren't anxious in their social situations, and the fact that they come here suggests it is extremely hard for them. For the most part they're braver people than us who keep trying no matter how much it hurts.

 

[Havocan]

What annoys me the most here is that it's always the males who have to intiate contact and do the hunt on females. For what? Rejection which leads to fear of humiliation and thus prevents one from trying again and it escalates into a vicious circle.
Why can't also females hunt for males and initiate a little bit themselves? They've got lots and lots of chances out there^^.

 

[jiujitsu]

My friend has a new girlfriend. They're all lovey dovey and stuff. It kills me, but I can't help asking him about it. I got drunk once and answered his phone and made a complete ass out of myself to her. Drunkness makes SA go away... also judgment and maturity and whatever the opposite of obnoxious is. I can't really remember what I said, but it couldn't have been good. I just remember I was way too lively and enthusiastic for the few seconds I talked to her.

 

[Havocan]

Yeah, we SP peeps should constantly be drunk, at least then would we be able to make some progress without die trying^^.

 

[Ventrilotwo]

Men hunt and women nest, that's the way it is evolutionary and that's the way it should be. I know many of you guys are frustrated about this because you want a relationship but can't initiate one and girls don't start but that's life. No one ever said life would be fun.

In response to what random_guy said I'm 20 and obviously in the same boat you were. People call me the next 40 year old virgin which i wouldn't mind except i know it will be true in 20 years. I don't say this in a self pitying way, I know in my heart i will, but maybe that's not the worst thing. Isaac newton died at the age of 84 as a virgin and he was one of the most brilliant, influential and interesting men who ever lived. Course he was bat shit crazy too...

 

[Ventrilotwo]

"Its not rational, but it is a code that we humans seem to follow. "

It's evolutionary so i'd say it's rational.

 

[Walk]

Let's suppose it is statistically more common for shy girls to be "hit on". What's the point of telling that to a woman who hasn't been hit on, or is only hit on by creeps? Seems like you're just trying to make such a woman feel worse and tell her it's hard to imagine someone so incredibly revolting as her. Statistical trends don't make it any easier on the individual, so perhaps sympathy would be more appropriate than dismissing people as whiners who should get over themselves and realize how good they have it (which is what a lot of non-SA people would say to all of us, so if you don't like being on the receiving end don't be on the giving end).

Maybe all the men who keep whining about being virgins should be dismissed because it's easier and more socially acceptable for a man to hire a prostitute than for a woman to do so.

Also, I've discovered that people whose usernames begin with the letter W are 30% more likely to live blissfully happy flawless lives. You have no right to complain about your life, because you have a W and I don't.

hoth wake up to yourself!!! we have plenty of pretenders here who doesnt even have SA. we have members who boasts about how many friends they have, their good looks, their hot gf/bf, their amazing social life.

Hint: it's called social anxiety. The more social life you have, the more opportunities for anxiety in it. If this were the avoidant personality disorder forum then you might have a point -- those people aren't avoidant -- but you have absolutely no basis for claiming that they aren't anxious in their social situations, and the fact that they come here suggests it is extremely hard for them. For the most part they're braver people than us who keep trying no matter how much it hurts.

Sorry if I made you feel that way.

I probably got a little ahead of myself and said that ALL women are hit on. There's no way I can tell if that's true.

My point is that it is generally easier to be approached if you're a girl. But if you never go out, I guess a girl is in the same boat as a guy with SA. Trust me, most guys don't get hit on by "creepy girls" as casually as you said. I've been hit on but only a handful of times.

YOu're right, most of us here are not whiners, though I do notice that many are.

Maybe the conclusion is that we all have trouble being in human relationships in general, that's why we're posting in here, and we all need to practice being more talkative and open.

But I do hold as my personal opinion that it is generally more difficult for guys to have SA than girls when it comes to r/ships. We have to be the protector, we have to have most of the ideas for dates, we are preferred with a loud, resonating voice, we also are preferred to be somewhat of leaders in general.I don't mean this to offend, it's just my observation and study of what women generally want from guys.

PS Let me just repeat: I'm not saying girls have it very much easier than guys. It's still about equal when you see the overall picture.

 

[Ventrilotwo]

i do agree.

 

[Ubersonic]

Love-Shyness
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

In the link below, in the Other notable attributes section, the 1st attribute listed reads "often feel women are more privileged than men". I'd say that is true lol.
http://www.socialanxietyforums.com/articles/love-shyness.php

Notice the prevalence of Love-Shyness in men?

Hmm...

 

[Ventrilotwo]

I've read that wikipedia article before... I do fit every one of the criteria but I don't think i'm love-shy, i'm just riddled with anxiety. It's not women exclusively i'm anxious (although obviously as with most men it's extremely worse around them).

will effectively prevent about 1.7 million [U.S.] males ...from ever marrying and from ever experiencing any form of intimate sexual contact with women

Wow 1.7 million... Atleast we're not alone... Don't know if that makes me feel any better but it probably doesn't hurt

 

[Ubersonic]

I do fit every one of the criteria but I don't think i'm love-shy, i'm just riddled with anxiety.

"a heterosexual love-shy male will have trouble initiating conversations with women because of strong feelings of anxiety."

Now I'm no psychologist but...

 

[Ventrilotwo]

Well i interpreted it as you don't necessarily feel anxiety in other social situations but perhaps i'm wrong. Because i'd imagine that practically every guy with an anxiety disorder would also be "love-shy" although this is, as said in the wiki, not recognized... But maybe i'm wrong and i am also love-shy, sure why not... i don't care.

 

[Havocan]

That being said, apart from SA I don't try to initiate the contact. Why? Because then I feel like I'm being too pushy, I feel like I'm being too domineering, I feel like its an unattractive trait for a woman to possess. I feel like if I were to approach the guy, he would see me as being annoying and kind of pathetic. I feel like any compliance on his part would be more out of obligation or pity. I realize that its silly to think like this. But, so it goes.

Actually, I'd consider a female who started to show interest in me as original and sort of kind since I personally believe I don't have that much to contribute with. If she'd taken the first step and showed interest in me then I'd not have a problem proposing to her or any of those things. It's just that mile-high first obstacle that needs to be passed, though^^.

When they reject me that's when I feel I've done something very daft and withdraw from social events including females.

 

[blackhole]

Let's suppose it is statistically more common for shy girls to be "hit on". What's the point of telling that to a woman who hasn't been hit on, or is only hit on by creeps? Seems like you're just trying to make such a woman feel worse and tell her it's hard to imagine someone so incredibly revolting as her. Statistical trends don't make it any easier on the individual, so perhaps sympathy would be more appropriate than dismissing people as whiners who should get over themselves and realize how good they have it (which is what a lot of non-SA people would say to all of us, so if you don't like being on the receiving end don't be on the giving end).

Maybe all the men who keep whining about being virgins should be dismissed because it's easier and more socially acceptable for a man to hire a prostitute than for a woman to do so.

Also, I've discovered that people whose usernames begin with the letter W are 30% more likely to live blissfully happy flawless lives. You have no right to complain about your life, because you have a W and I don't.

hoth wake up to yourself!!! we have plenty of pretenders here who doesnt even have SA. we have members who boasts about how many friends they have, their good looks, their hot gf/bf, their amazing social life.

Hint: it's called social anxiety. The more social life you have, the more opportunities for anxiety in it. If this were the avoidant personality disorder forum then you might have a point -- those people aren't avoidant -- but you have absolutely no basis for claiming that they aren't anxious in their social situations, and the fact that they come here suggests it is extremely hard for them. For the most part they're braver people than us who keep trying no matter how much it hurts.

Thank you, i agree 100%.

 

[getbornagain]

It's not a good feeling as time flies by and you get lonelier and lonelier. My problem is not necessarily communication with girls but the intimacy part. I've had embarassing moments fooling around; permformance anxiety and now I'm just scared to go there. It's a tough mental block, but it has also prevented me from ever having a successful relationship.

 

[LonelyLoser]

random guy if its gonna make you feel any better what does it feel like to kiss a girl?

plus whats the point of a pictures thread. If I post a picture of me its just going to kill ppl, they will die because of my fucking ugliness.