thought it would make me happy

one of the major goals i've had is to move out of my parent's house. they were over protective, strict, and i felt they were holding me back. because of their strict rules and being over protective, i was always afraid to go out and do things, meet people, have anyone over.

so i moved out into my best friend's house, who moved to the other side of the country a few months ago. i was excited, as i could finally reach one of my goals and gain some freedom... but it's weird being here without him... it's quiet, lonely. i work from home, so i just sit here in this cold, quiet house alone, surrounded by constant reminders of him. i know he'll visit and stuff when he's able, but it's just hard... though i do appreciate him letting me live here.

i do have a room mate, but she's hardly ever here. always away at work or school, and i'm not very close with her. she's also getting on my nerves. just something about her gets on my nerves. i mean she's nice and all, but she just irritates me. and she's a bit of a slob... i get stuck doing all the chores and cleaning up after my room mate because she let's her dishes pile up in the sink, leaves spills and open containers on the counter, leaves cupboard doors open. i spent hours and hours my first couple days here just trying to get some cleaning done. the toilet looked like it hadnt been cleaned in months, same with the sink, shower, and literally everything else in this house. went to organize the cupboards, only to find there were mouse droppings everywhere, some boxes of pasta had holes chewed into them... i've basically scrubbed half the house down with bleach and disinfecting wipes. but feel i've barely made a dent. i do remember my friend saying that he usually did all the cleaning, and she just did the dishes...

i do like being out on my own, but i dont think i like it here. i just feel super depressed, irritable, and very loneley. i dont want to offend my friend if i were to decide to move back home (also dont want to live with parents anymore). i dont want to give up so easily, especially after all the work i've put into things here. and i also cant afford rent that is much higher than it is here (which is the cheapest i've ever seen)

idk what to do. guess im just venting really

Have you ever confronted her about her sloppiness and asked if she could do her fair share of cleaning around there too? She lives there, and even though she's away a lot, she still contributes to the mess and so she should help clean.

If you can't get through to her, and you're feeling bad enough staying there, is moving into a place on your own an option? I understand you don't want to hurt your friend, but from the way it sounds, when he stayed with her it seemed like he did a lot of the work too so I would think he'd at least have some level of understanding for your sake.

I understand what you mean about feeling depressed where you are, thinking before it would make you happy. It's been over a year now that I've been out of my parents' place. I yearned to get out of my parents' house so bad for so long and was so excited to finally have the opportunity to move out, to a whole new city no less! While I still like the fact that I'm away from my parents most of the time and I no longer live with them, I can't help but feel depressed too where I'm at and I'm left wondering if maybe this isn't right for me.