Self-centred yet sociable people

This issue has been bugging me for many years, but i think i'm close to getting to the bottom of it. My neighbors on the outside seem to be normal, happy, sociable, liked & respected people. But at the same time, they have some anti-social tendencies. This complicates matters, as the question then is: are they sociable or anti-social???. Perhaps it's not a black-or-white thing?

"Whilst the self absorbed person can have moments of generosity and charm - for the most part they will be unaware of your needs and uninterested in meeting them even if they are aware"

These people are in their 50s/60s, so aren't the "facebook generation", yet they seem to be equally self-centered, from what i can tell.

So HOW is it that they have a lot of "friends" & a "social life", in spite of not giving a toss about others???. Do they HIDE that aspect of themselves from most people? Or are their "friends" more like "acquaintances" (ie not good/close friends). I don't know, as i never socialize with them (but i do that even he has referred to himself as being a feisty little b@stard, or sth like that). So perhaps they simply are thick-skinned & never allow themselves to "get close" to anybody. They "socialize" but in an aloof, never-talk-personal way?

I don't believe anyone is either completely social or antisocial. In the context of socialibilty I don't see the world as black and white, but painted in shades of grey. Although there are occassional exceptions to the rule. Did you know Emily Dickinson (famous American poet) stayed in her home for the last 20 years of her life and only talked to people sometimes through the door of her home? J.D. Salinger (author of catcher in the rye) was reclusive too.

To answer your question about why certain people have friends and social lives despite not giving a crap about others... I've wondered that for years and I subscribe to a few theories of my own: a) You don't know them well enough to draw an accurate enough conclusion. b) Their friends don't know enough about them to avoid them or they do know and are just taking the bad with the good. c) Their friends see personality traits in them that they themselves wish they had.

Hey :/ I could be wrong and people are just attracted to a-holes in general. Maybe Bowling for Soup was right when they said "High school never ends"

Credit: https://www.google.com/amp/s/m.mic....nd-5-authors-as-reclusive-as-they-were-famous

I think the natural state of all human beings is to be self-centred. Humans are a pragmatic species.

iv noticed a lot of people are like this.....spending too much time around people like that ruins my peace of mind. I could never live in a city because I wouldnt be able to ever get away from people like that ...I need to get out in nature at least once or twice a weak where I can't hear the "sounds of the rat race" ,as I like to call it...meaing sounds of traffic, construction crews, people chatting about materialist stuff, even the smell of fast food places...listening to the wind blowing in the woods or water flowing over rocks in the river is extremely relaxing ...and then at night around hear you can hear the owls calling to each other...its really cool. thats something thats hard to come by in the city.


If I spend too much time around people I just get pissed off in general. I kind of wish I wasnt like that though.