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So Thurday went just fine but my anxiety is now focused on work. Since I got assigned for leadership task, I’ve been having anxiety for a possibility of being assigned as leader again. I hate it. I’ve been so happy doing my own thing as a regular member of the team. I never wanted a leadership...

Obviously I am not ok. Yesterday I was like a robot at work doing things in a slow and calculating manner. My self esteem took a dip coz of yesterday’s happening. Today is not helping. It’s my off but hubby recently invited guests to our house. Now I am effin obliged to prepare food and...

So I end up crying. It started with one coworker asking if I’m ok. I was stupid to answer honestly and say ‘No’. So she comforted me. I felt like crying but I tried to be tough. Then that coworker told our manager. So the manager reassured me as well. I could not respond back because I am so...

I feel totally pressured at work these days. Our manager is assigning me leadership role which I really really hate. I do not want to lead because I still feel like I’m not competent enough for that role. Today is really bad because I’m working with 2 newbies, 1 student and 1 older staff but...

I stopped creating new friendship after I left my home country. The more mature I’ve become the lesser I connect with people. My group of friends still consists of my HS friends and I can’t even feel that they’re my close friends anymore because I migrated. My hubby can’t understand how I am...

So today is my mom’s death anniversary. I didn’t know until my sister reminded me. She posted a message commemorating our late mother. She died when I was still 9 so it’s been a long time. Everytime my mom’s name is mentioned, people remember her as a kind hearted person and well loved by our...

I dont want to be too specific in case someone I know reads this post. But that mistake is a common sense issue. It did not make any damage or anything but it caused water to pool on those stuff. It was an easy fix as spilling the water out but it was still an embarrassing mistake. I was in auto...

So yesterday at work, I actually did something embarrassingly stupid. I did say I dont mind if they think I’m dumb or inferior to them but to actually do something stupid hurts my ego. I pretended to laugh about it but deep inside I was so frustrated with myself. I’m just glad that the team...

Hi I’m back. Amazing how it’s been months since I last posted here. For update, I quit my first job and I’m now permanent in the second job. Obviously I’m not ok hence I’m here. It’s that time again when I feel generally down and anxious and unmotivated. The trigger has something to do with my...

Probably but I still refuse to seek any professional help mostly due to finances.

This constant stress these days is affecting my health. I’m having palpitations now.

Finally finished my 3 days shifts to that second job this week. Today is my shift at my first job— Just in time to recuperate from my stress to that 2nd job. I’m tired to give details on how miserable I feel in that 2nd job. Basically, I feel the same way everytime I meet the same colleagues I...

So yesterday while my hubby is driving me to work, I told him about how I feel left out and socially awkward in my 2nd job and how I feel more comfortable and normal in my 1st job. He said, if that’s the case then do something about it because people won’t always adjust on me...but don’t bring...

😔😔😔 I’m tired having this same emotion over and over again. You can tell how frequent I’m posting here these days. I don’t want the pressure of having to fit in with people. 😔

These days my anxiety is like a roller coaster with its high and lows. Yesterday, I was very awkward again at my 2nd job. A coworker actually acknowledged how quiet I am and so I started blabbering about me being naturally quiet and that I’m bad with small talk blah blah blah blah. That coworker...

I’m at my second job right now. It’s busy but this time I’m prepared. I made myself more in control and not get overwhelmed. I made myself focus on one thing before going to the next. I got a compliment from our supervisor. She said that she always watches me and I said I’m doing great. It’s...

So since the last post, I’ve been working at my first job and my anxiety have suddenly disappeared. I was at work and still remembering what happened at my 2nd job but the emotional pain was gone. It almost felt like that happened ages ago... like it was a only a distant memory. I was still the...

I slept. Like 4 hours maybe? Preparing for work to my first job. It’s funny how I miss working there again. I’m not planning to give up my second job but I’m glad I am working in 2 different environment. I never imagined I’ll say this but as much as the pacing in my second job is more relaxed...

It’s stupid how I couldn’t sleep over something that happened at work. Like now work is also invading my comfort at home. I quite accept that I couldnt have really done so much to control the things that happened. I could improve next time but I admit that my inexperience and stress have...

I have thought of that for a long time now. I even wondered if I have Asperger’s. I won’t be surprised if I have autism. I never had a professional diagnosis. Even my SA is only self diagnosed. My main hindrance for seeking professional help is finances and what my husband’s family will think of...