Regular uncontrollable breakdowns...

Every 3 months or so I have a breakdown which is usually sparked (I think) of missing my 20mg Citalopram tablet by a few hours in the morning or because I've had a lie in and it's worn off before I take my next. However, I also get them just randomly when I feel I just can't take anymore crap to do with the general shittiness of life or when I get very depressed naturally as I'm very introverted, contemplative, anxious & negative.

I think I need to see a counsellor or psychotherapist (saw the former twice but terrible experience) or get some new meds although I actually don't wanna rely on medicine too much and would prefer to resort to natural homoeopathic remedies instead. I had a breakdown on Saturday and tried reaching out to others on my friends list (despite not having a real friend) on FB with mental health problems and who struggle to make friends and only 1 old friend responded and 1 family member (I've since deleted this out of shame).

Sometimes I just can't handle life and myself anymore and go all 'autistic' (sure I've got some in me as my younger bro had it bad as a child now is Aspergers). Do I belong in a mental home? How can I learn to cope? I was thinking of going to a MIND clinic and group just to be around people and get better in social situations especially when feeling this way where I become a bit evil (probably not but to me it feels like this compared to my normal nice self), tell people what I really feel and I also scream, hyperventilate, cry lots, repeat same words or sentences often increasing volume and repetition, rock, hit my head, have suicidal thoughts and go into a panic frenzy.

Anyone else have this? Any advice on how to control or maybe we should let it free? By the way, I am frustrated with my body, personality, current life, childhood, lack of social life, not having friends or ever really having a proper true friend, not having very supportive parents, general life and others in my surroundings etc.

Thanks in advance nic:kickingmyself:

I'm still suffering from SA and I'm sorry that I couldn't give you much advice.
But I do think it's a good idea to join the group sessions and talk to people. Talking to people really helps a lot. I never knew how to make friends or get along with people. Sometimes I feel like giving up and live my life in solitude. But I will tell myself to start learning now.

I've had anxiety issues since I was about 8-9 years old and have been seeing therapists on and off since then. I think your best bet is to see a therapist. I know that you had a bad experience, but therapists are like shoes- they don't always fit. Sometimes you need to shop around in order to find someone who you can really connect with. I love my current therapist and she's been helping me a lot. She gives me really useful print outs and books to read- not to mention just talking to someone has been really helpful. She told me that when you don't express your emotions, things get clogged up inside and will create a lot of anxiety for people. I feel like my emotional intelligence has increased because of her. I know what you're going through with the emotional breakdowns- I used to have them every 6 months. Mine were triggered by my job at the time (retail)- I felt like I couldn't handle life anymore. I would cry at work in the bathroom, I was constantly stressed out, I barely talked to anyone, I was contemplating suicide and I was terrified that I would be stuck in the rat race my entire life working a 9-5 doing something I ****ing hated. Thankfully for me I told my boss and she let me go on leave. I think meds are a good short term option. I was on Prozac on and off for years- it helped, but it made me emotionally numb and I didn't want to be on medication the rest of my life. I know that going through shit like this sucks and makes you feel alone, but just know that you're not. Hopefully something I said was helpful