Question: Lack of social skills:Let´s blame ourselves a bit

The whole quesions is: What things in your tempered, or lack of social skills, do you think have influenced in your past friendships or relationships?

I used to have a very bad character that burst when someone or something doesn´t fit in my mind. I mean a non-control of my tempered.
I didn´t share what people use to do when I was a teenegeryou can call it shy or physical complexes) I used to be bored of this things, so I was forse to drink to manage the situation.

Now, I feel really comfortable with little people. I used to reject others rather than they reject me. I´m not comfortable talking about trivial topics.

I have a lack of skills: I used to end people´s sentenses and don´t have the patience to let them finish their turn.

I have lots of fuctuations in my state of humor. (my work consist on talking during all day and I finish exhausted)

I don´t talk. I gives judment (perfectionism).

and I could continue during the eternity......
So I have many things to improve, appart of my English :wink:

Not exactly sure of what to respond to this post. The lack of social skills in my mind comes from my shyness which mainly prevents me of taking part in and initiating conversations with others, so that's got to be the one of my weaknesses. Also the fact that I just cannot harmonise with people who are very social and out-going and those who don't have some of the same main interests as me^^.

Havocan said:

Not exactly sure of what to respond to this post. The lack of social skills in my mind comes from my shyness which mainly prevents me of taking part in and initiating conversations with others, so that's got to be the one of my weaknesses. Also the fact that I just cannot harmonise with people who are very social and out-going and those who don't have some of the same main interests as me^^.

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But you know shyness is different from S.A. I mean I know many shyness find difficult to interact but they can do it in some or another way. :roll:

It's different yes, but SA people also may wish to communicate but don't possess the required skills to do so. They're still able to do it in some way - like here on the Internet.
To be honest I'm not quite sure if I have SA at all, it just fits very well with what I'm experiencing in social situations, and there are different types of SA, too^^.

I don't blame myself. I blame the fact that i've moved a million times in my life. I wish i could stop blaming it all on this, but ask any sociologist and they'll tell you that moving around too much disrupts ur social skills and traps you in some develomental stage. That's how i feel sometimes, trapped in the mind of a three year old for whom life is just too huge. I wish there was somewhere i could go to learn some social skills/find out how i should behave and stuff... I'm willing to learn but i feel that at my age people don't give you much of a chance.

pineapples

IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!! Well, in all seriousness, I do blame myself more than anything. I know that I can change somehow, I just don't know how to do it yet. Sure there are things that make it harder, like my disorders and such, but I just have to work around it all. I'm not going to go about blaming everything and everyone else, since I hate it when people do that.

I blame myself mostly for how i am also...i think one major thing that made me withdraw into myself and not let anybody in was a relationship i had with a friend, i did all the wrong things, and therefore felt ashamed when i realized just how stupid i had acted. then came the automatic "now nobody else will like me" thoughts, and so as a result of not letting anybody get to know me, my social skills did not progress at a normal rate, and i became even more shy/reclusive to the point of developing a phobia. i think i just find it very hard to forgive myself. :roll:

Havocan said:

It's different yes, but SA people also may wish to communicate but don't possess the required skills to do so. They're still able to do it in some way - like here on the Internet.
To be honest I'm not quite sure if I have SA at all, it just fits very well with what I'm experiencing in social situations, and there are different types of SA, too^^.

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Yes, I´m an avoidant because I couldn´t stand the feeling anxiety when I try or interact with another people. However, I want to interact with people from outside and communicate with them, actually, I´m improving and I feel really good.
I agree that each person is different and his/her social phobia begun in a different way. F.ex; I don´t remember to be a shy girl in my infance; but this is only my particular case, many other people are shy since ther were children. But shyness in infance is not necessarily to way to SA.

madmike said:

I don't blame myself. I blame the fact that i've moved a million times in my life. I wish i could stop blaming it all on this, but ask any sociologist and they'll tell you that moving around too much disrupts ur social skills and traps you in some develomental stage. That's how i feel sometimes, trapped in the mind of a three year old for whom life is just too huge. I wish there was somewhere i could go to learn some social skills/find out how i should behave and stuff... I'm willing to learn but i feel that at my age people don't give you much of a chance.

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I understand your problem. I have no idea how can affect move in and move in, once and again. I´ve been living all my life in the same place.
Anyway, my real intention to write this post was encourage you to reflex about what could you improve in yourselves in future social contacts. I put many examples of my way to act. For example, I hate to be disturb when I was with my pupils in the classroom, and I used to get angry, but then I felt really guilty to act in such a way. I know you are not blame. I was putting the stress on social skills. Anyway, I understand your fear because I sometimes feel the same.

i open up bit by bit over the years

just treat everybody the same is what i came to

and do not judge unless you want to be judged, since i know as much about the next person than they do about me