I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the post (no disrespect intended) as well cos it sounds like we're in pretty similar places!
Definitely the believing is the key to success! My version would be "not-believing leads to failures", based on my experience anyway.
Well here's the long story... In 2010 I started a new school, and that's when I really noticed my SP. I went to class each day for six months, almost crying I was that upset about having no friends. I was simply too scared to talk to anybody, which lead to depression and forgetting who I am. Totally consumed by this monster.
Basically I persevered with this one group of nice girls after going from group to group. I broke the ice after months of just chilling with them, listening to their convos and eventually joining in bit by bit.
However, everyone else thought I was a mute... I felt retarded in their presence, and felt like there was a spotlight on me. I couldn't remember how to do anything; I was too fearful to even change my hairstyle from a pony tail to a side tail. Weird but true.
Then with some reflection I decided I would do just that. I picked a Friday cos I knew everyone would forget it. Surprisingly (at the time anyway) not one person said anything bad. No-one really noticed, except my friends who said nice things anyway. That's when it started; I realised nobody really cared. So it snowballed from there - little steps, til I felt proud of myself and this confidence spread to other components of my life. Little goals at a time, by the time school ended last year I was talking to half of the grade on a regular basis
Then I was thrust into 6 months of unemployment. All this success was taken from me, and rejection after rejection after rejection I felt shittier than ever. I lost contact with a lot of my 'friends' and felt that part of me died... I ran out of motivation, I had no where to practise.
Finally I landed a job in fast-food this May. I was happy but noticed that due to the massive break, I was a bit rusty. It's been 3 months and I can't say I have any friends there yet. I'm back to not knowing where I stand SP wise, but do have the advantage of basic knowledge and a few successful memories at my disposal if I need them. I still get scared and I still get depressed, but I also have happy days too, something I never used to when I was at the same stage progress wise at my old school.
Basically I think life's about lessons. They hurt like hell, but eventually you'll come out stronger.
Possible leads to get me out of this situation and back on track:
(1) I've watched others who I think are successful and worked the following; they talk without thinking. They speak of surroundings, make light of situation etc. I've begun to mimic these things. One thing I have to work on is how I explain to people things... e.g. often I stammer and can't think clearly, which is ironic because people who know the real me have described me as well-spoken and sophisticated lol which is the opposite to how I feel when conversing with my boss or co workers for instance...
(2) Don't compare myself to others. This is a big no-no and I'm always doing it! I feel inferior, and responsible for everyone else's stuff-ups :/
(3) I have to build-up enthusiasm somehow... sometimes I get on a role from serving customers and packing efficiently. This is the fuel for growth in my past experience!
(4) Definitely belief! ^^ This causes enthusiasm. Sometimes it is so hard... gotta take things back to basics, stop overcomplicating them by thinking. SP grows on disbelief and hopelessness, which are spin-offs of being unfamiliar in a new social situation, which is why it's such a bitch to beat ha but gotta put it in it's place somehow - it's not the only component to me!! Just a sorry-*** disease.
Whoa that's long winded. I'm very tired and sorry if this doesn't make much sense or sounds a bit crazy lol
Anyway what are some things that have helped you?
