Hi everybody! I'm new here so I wanted to start this thread to let people know some things about me and know why I'm here.
I had a normal childhood. I somehow avoided being bullied in elementary and middle school even though I was awkward, I kept to myself, and I was the smartest kid in my class. I was well-liked in high school (I was voted best personality of my senior class) but I didn't have a lot of close friends. I didn't even know that people hung out with each other after school or on the weekends until my senior year. I just always went home and stayed there. I thought that was what everyone did.
I majored in French and linguistics at college and that's where the SA started to become a problem. Speaking in French class was an absolute nightmare. I spoke French very well for a non-native speaker but since it wasn't perfect I told myself it wasn't good enough and I was very nervous to speak in class. When I got called on I very frequently forgot what I was going to say and just ended up saying 'I don't know'. I somehow finished my French classes and graduated with degrees in French and linguistics.
However, because of those majors, I knew that my job opportunities were very limited, so I decided to take the first job I could find. Finding a job was also a nightmare because I could barely ever get up the courage to go in to a business and ask for an application. Eventually though, a friend helped me get a job as a bouncer at a bar. I assume that any job with a lot of customer interaction would be horrible for someone with SA, and this job was no exception to that. This job caused me almost nonstop anxiety. That job was breaking me down but I didn't know it.
I finally realized it one day when my dad called me and told me that they had a job opportunity for me to consider. A family friend worked at a company that needed French speakers to handle complaints and questions from French-Canadian customers. Perfect. I could finally use my French skills. That's why I went to college right? However, the idea of just speaking French to fluent speakers caused so much anxiety for me that I started to completely break down on the phone with my parents. I knew at that moment that things were not right: My SA had just cost me a job. When was it going to cost me more than that? It's actually starting to do that now. I have so much less interest in social interaction than I used to and it's having a negative effect on my relationships.
One more thing before I forget: I write songs and I hope to one day turn that into a successful music career. However, I barely have the courage to share my songs with anyone even though I'm confident they are good and the few people that have heard them think they're good as well. I know that if I don't get better I'll never have the music career that I want.
I'm happy I found these boards. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
I had a normal childhood. I somehow avoided being bullied in elementary and middle school even though I was awkward, I kept to myself, and I was the smartest kid in my class. I was well-liked in high school (I was voted best personality of my senior class) but I didn't have a lot of close friends. I didn't even know that people hung out with each other after school or on the weekends until my senior year. I just always went home and stayed there. I thought that was what everyone did.
I majored in French and linguistics at college and that's where the SA started to become a problem. Speaking in French class was an absolute nightmare. I spoke French very well for a non-native speaker but since it wasn't perfect I told myself it wasn't good enough and I was very nervous to speak in class. When I got called on I very frequently forgot what I was going to say and just ended up saying 'I don't know'. I somehow finished my French classes and graduated with degrees in French and linguistics.
However, because of those majors, I knew that my job opportunities were very limited, so I decided to take the first job I could find. Finding a job was also a nightmare because I could barely ever get up the courage to go in to a business and ask for an application. Eventually though, a friend helped me get a job as a bouncer at a bar. I assume that any job with a lot of customer interaction would be horrible for someone with SA, and this job was no exception to that. This job caused me almost nonstop anxiety. That job was breaking me down but I didn't know it.
I finally realized it one day when my dad called me and told me that they had a job opportunity for me to consider. A family friend worked at a company that needed French speakers to handle complaints and questions from French-Canadian customers. Perfect. I could finally use my French skills. That's why I went to college right? However, the idea of just speaking French to fluent speakers caused so much anxiety for me that I started to completely break down on the phone with my parents. I knew at that moment that things were not right: My SA had just cost me a job. When was it going to cost me more than that? It's actually starting to do that now. I have so much less interest in social interaction than I used to and it's having a negative effect on my relationships.
One more thing before I forget: I write songs and I hope to one day turn that into a successful music career. However, I barely have the courage to share my songs with anyone even though I'm confident they are good and the few people that have heard them think they're good as well. I know that if I don't get better I'll never have the music career that I want.
I'm happy I found these boards. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
! Don't be embarrassed about your French speaking abilities, okay? As long as they can understand what you're saying, then they won't bring it up. Besides, native French speakers screw up when they're talking too, just like native English speakers do. They don't have the right to judge or make fun of you because of a few slip-ups because they more than likely have made the same screw-ups in the past. It's hard to learn a second language, so don't beat yourself up about mistakes