recluse
Well-known member
Firstly i have come to realise that i'm not anxious around every person, i can feel fairly relaxed with some people who are nice and have friendly faces. I used to think i was afraid of every person, ok i feel shy with people but not fearful.
The people who give me fear are loud, obnoxius, hostile people who seem to be ready to fight any minute. If these people did not exist and were nice like other people i would have no problem going anywhere. I live in fear that i will encounter one of these people because i expect them to start a fight just because i look at them in the wrong way or something. People tell me that loud mouthed people are in fact scared and lack confidence but i still feel intimidated by them. What makes it worse is that i work as a security guard and i encounter these people almost daily who seem to take an objection to the fact i am in an uniform and am merely doing my job. The fear i have is that they will beat me up and i will be unable to defend myself hence being humuliated.
Other people who intimidate me are groups of youths, especially young men who hang around on street corners. Although most of them probably mean no harm i suddenly think of the reports on the news about some person who has been attacked by gangs of youths and my anxiety levels shoot up until i feel i am loosing control.
Finally another thing which is bothering me is the fact that my life is so boring in comparison to other people's. Everyday at work they talk about going to parties, concerts, cinema, theatre, bars, clubs, holidays.....Me?....What can i talk about? I'm afraid that they will find out that i am a loner and a recluse and i can imagine them judging me as being boring/weird. One lady yesterday at work in the tea break room was asking people where they go out on Saturday nights and then she asked me and i felt like a rabbit in the headlights so i lied and made something up. Surely they will come to realise when i say ''no'' everytime they ask me if i am going out in the evening that i am a recluse?! I hate being so lame!
FIN:
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The people who give me fear are loud, obnoxius, hostile people who seem to be ready to fight any minute. If these people did not exist and were nice like other people i would have no problem going anywhere. I live in fear that i will encounter one of these people because i expect them to start a fight just because i look at them in the wrong way or something. People tell me that loud mouthed people are in fact scared and lack confidence but i still feel intimidated by them. What makes it worse is that i work as a security guard and i encounter these people almost daily who seem to take an objection to the fact i am in an uniform and am merely doing my job. The fear i have is that they will beat me up and i will be unable to defend myself hence being humuliated.
Other people who intimidate me are groups of youths, especially young men who hang around on street corners. Although most of them probably mean no harm i suddenly think of the reports on the news about some person who has been attacked by gangs of youths and my anxiety levels shoot up until i feel i am loosing control.
Finally another thing which is bothering me is the fact that my life is so boring in comparison to other people's. Everyday at work they talk about going to parties, concerts, cinema, theatre, bars, clubs, holidays.....Me?....What can i talk about? I'm afraid that they will find out that i am a loner and a recluse and i can imagine them judging me as being boring/weird. One lady yesterday at work in the tea break room was asking people where they go out on Saturday nights and then she asked me and i felt like a rabbit in the headlights so i lied and made something up. Surely they will come to realise when i say ''no'' everytime they ask me if i am going out in the evening that i am a recluse?! I hate being so lame!
FIN:
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