Is this really a disorder?

Liberty

Banned
Is Avoidant Personality Disorder really a bad thing?

I've had it for quite some time in my own estimation and I don't necessarily think it's bad thing. I learned this behavior as a result of an extremely toxic relationship that almost drove me to suicide and had very negative consequences on my life. Avoiding people prevents this sort of scenario from happening again.

Doesn't that make it a good thing?
 

blue-roses

Well-known member
Well, the measure of whether something is a mental illness or not is how much it adversely affects your functioning. If it helps you avoid something worth avoiding, I wouldn't say it is...unless it interferes with every other aspect of your life. I haven't been diagnosed with APD but I'm pretty sure I have it (isn't it just the same as SA except people with APD "monitor" other people's reactions to them? I do that...) and I would definitely say it's a disorder... I can't get or hold down a job like this, I can't have friends, let alone a boyfriend, I can barely do anything for myself. Even if yours is only an avoidance of the opposite sex, is that really a good thing in itself? There are lots of good people out there, too, and you shouldn't have to avoid all of them for the rest of your life because of one terrible experience. I'm not saying you don't have reason to feel like that, though; I can see how something like that would affect you!
 

tired_of_starting_again

Well-known member
No, no, no, no. I long for the ability to socialise like "normal" people, I'd love to have friends. It is a disorder, and I'd give anything to have it disappear.
 

Liberty

Banned
No, no, no, no. I long for the ability to socialise like "normal" people, I'd love to have friends. It is a disorder, and I'd give anything to have it disappear.

Don't get me wrong, Social Phobia is definitely too far. But avoiding people and not allowing them to get close to you seems perfectly reasonable to me.
 
Don't get me wrong, Social Phobia is definitely too far. But avoiding people and not allowing them to get close to you seems perfectly reasonable to me.

How do you avoid everyone without it being essentially social phobia? I don't see what could be further. Are you saying you don't feel the fear, but you act exactly the same as if you did feel an intense fear?
 

dooby-duck

Well-known member
It is a bad thing because it is like living life in a box. It's not really living, more surviving. There is loads of stuff out there to do, and loads of different people to see. I think AvPD makes you too comfortable with living in the box.
 

Liberty

Banned
How do you avoid everyone without it being essentially social phobia? I don't see what could be further. Are you saying you don't feel the fear, but you act exactly the same as if you did feel an intense fear?

Well I believe I've had Avoidant Personality Disorder for the last 10 years or so, or more, but have only had Social Phobia for about 1.5 years. Before SP came around I would especially avoid romantic relationships with women but I wouldn't feel particularly uncomfortable in a social setting although I didn't really have any desire to pursue social activities. And that seemed just fine to me because it was what I wanted.

I don't ever want to be trapped in a similar position as I was in the past, and I won't ever allow it to happen again. If I could get rid of Social Phobia I could at least function normally at work etc., and I'd take the AvPD and be fine with it.
 
No, it's not a good thing. If you (or I) keep avoiding people and different situations until the day we die then we both would have had pathetic lives. People are pack animals and we want to connect with others, whether we try to rationalize that fact away or not. I don't neccesarily need lots of friends, but right now I have none, and my life sucks because of it. People want to connect with other people; it's just human nature.
 

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
It's crippling. I rarely leave the house. I can't finish my education, and I can't work. It's driving me mad, quite literally. My inner-world alienates me completely. My thoughts are paranoid and delusional. The fear interferes so intensely with my life, that I cannot *have* a life. Along with that, having any sense of self-esteem is almost out of the question.
This is a disorder, there is no doubt about it.


... Were you clinically diagnosed?

Edit: Just thought I'd add... the fact that I can't really connect with people, doesn't bother me. I hardly ever feel any type of loneliness, and I suppose that sets me apart from most of those with AvPD. Anyone else feel this?
 
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Voltar

Member
Edit: Just thought I'd add... the fact that I can't really connect with people, doesn't bother me. I hardly ever feel any type of loneliness, and I suppose that sets me apart from most of those with AvPD. Anyone else feel this?


I have AvPD and find it hard to make meaningful friendships but like you I never feel lonely. In fact, I feel most at peace when I am on my own or cruising around online and am always busy. It's funny but often-times talking to people online feels more real than chatting in person and the conversations more meaningful and valuable to me. Everybody just talks freely and there's zero pressure to do or say anything for fear of a bad experience.

About 4 years ago I picked up a game called World of Warcraft and for the next year pretty much disappeared from real life to live inside the game. I was completely addicted, playing all day every day and cut out the outside world as much as possible. It was one of the worst mistakes I ever made and it made me realise that as much as I thought I could get along without having many people in my life, a life without people and real-world experiences is not much life at all. I keep reminding myself that I have to just keep fighting and that I deserve to live a full life just as much as the next person. It also made me realise that having some sort of social network would have really helped me avoid or at least keep things from spiralling out of control.
 

Liberty

Banned
well, what would you guys say is the difference between SA & AvPD?

In my opinion AvPD is different from SA/SP because with SA/SP you almost involuntarily avoid all social interaction or if you have no choice you endure it the best you can and usually feel drained from the ordeal afterwards.

Before I had SP I could operate in relative comfort in a social situation even though I'd much prefer to avoid them altogether. I'd always be sure to specifically avoid friendships and romantic relationships though. I would keep people at a very safe distance, especially females (because I believe them to be basically evil succubuses out for emotional fulfillment at anyone else's expense, especially "westernized" women).

Now that I have SP I cannot operate comfortably anywhere, work, store, restaurant or anywhere else with people. Only at home do I relax.
 

limetree

Well-known member
Social Anxiety – In Social Anxiety, the person avoids social contacts and performance, mainly those that unleash extreme anxiety like panic attacks, but he wants to have such contacts and preserves the potentialities of affective involvement and feels comfortable with people who are close.

Generalized Social Phobia – In Generalized Social Phobia, a.k.a. Generalized Social Anxiety, the person suffers anxiety attacks due to exposure to many social situations. There is avoidance, to protect oneself, but the person wants to live like the others and have the same opportunities.

Avoidant Personality Disorder – In Avoidant Personality Disorder, besides the behaviors and attitudes described, we can see that the person has given up altogether on facing situations that generate fear and does not undergo anxiety attacks simply because she avoids any anxiety-generating situation that is possible. Additionally, she does everything possible not to be noticed.

So people with avpd find it difficult to have intimate relationships with to even close friends? or can they if they know for sure they are accepted?
 
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