I told pretty much this exact same thing to my therapist and he said that I am exaggerating the scope of the difference between my "real self" and my "fake (work) self."
Is scope the right word? I dunno.
But he said that because of my negative thinking patterns (or cognitive distortions, whatever you want to call them), I perceive a huge difference in the way I act with people at work and the way I truly am. But that my "work self" and my "real self" are a lot more similar than I have perceived. In a way, I think he is right.
I mean, everyone "acts" through the course of their daily lives, in a sense.
Even "normal" people without SA or any other mental health problems don't talk to their grandmother the same way they talk to their friends at school. They don't talk to their co-workers the same way they talk to their significant others.
I sort of believe that no one in the world is truly "real," but that we all have a collection of different personalities we use when talking to different people in our lives, so that we can fit in with them.
I do feel how you feel though. I feel fake a lot of the time. I have tried a few ways to deal with this:
1. I try my best not to talk religion/politics with co-workers. Sometimes this doesn't work because someone will bring something up that I disagree with or whatever. For instance I live in a city with a lot of east/west indian people. My girlfriend is guyanese. So if one of my white co-workers said something like "There are too many indian people in this city," I would have to lay into them with something like "Oh yeah, well most of them were born in Canada just like you, genius. Where did YOUR parents come from anyway?" I know it doesn't mesh with my SA, but sometimes that happens. I just get so pissed that I have to say it, ya know? A while ago a co-worker was talking about how the govt in Myanmar was so stupid because they weren't letting American aid workers in to help after the earthquakes because they were afraid that the Americans would invade them and change their way of life. I just automatically blurted out, "Gee, I wonder where they got THAT idea!" in a really sarcastic tone. So religion/politics usually is a big thing for me, because if I were to smile and nod as some racist bigot went on and on about their thoughts on life, I would hate myself. So best to avoid those topics if possible, IMO.
2. I try not to laugh if I don't feel like laughing. This is hard sometimes, especially if a whole group of people are laughing. I feel like "I should laugh, or they'll think I'm a humorless weirdo." But I've been trying not to. I tell myself "If you don't think it's funny, then don't laugh. You are allowed to find something unfunny. You are allowed to have your own sense of humor."
3. I try my best not to placate people. But I do feel like I repeat a lot when I am listening to people, like I say "Oh yeah?" a lot if they're telling an "interesting" story. Or I say "that sucks" a lot, if they're telling about something bad happening to them. So I'm trying not to do that. I'm trying my best to say what is really in my head when somebody is talking to me, instead of just placating responses. I'm surprised actually, because now I think I am listening to people a lot more, and am able to focus on what they are saying instead of just thinking about my reaction to what they're saying.
Another strange subconscious way my behavior has changed to accommodate my "fakeness" is that I sometimes find myself acting like people who I admire. Like I feel inadequate, so I start behaving like a friend of mine who possesses good social skills, and I adopt his mannerisms and tone of voice and everything.
This is illogical in a way, because a big reason I admire this friend of mine is that he always seems like he is "being himself."
So I try to be myself by being like him. lol
Doesn't make a ton of sense, so I'm working on that one too.
