Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-29-2017
Advanced User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 436
Thanked 10 Times
SilentAndShy SilentAndShy is offline
Advanced User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 436
Thanked 10 Times
I've been in my job for three years and for as long as I can remember, I've always been shy and anxious. But I do like and am grateful for the job I have as it has provided its challenges and stressful periods (most if it linked to dealing with difficult customers on the phone and in person)

However, I feel I struggle to express myself in meetings. I was in a meeting today and there were moments when I was being asked something and I tended to get nervous and barely say anything expansive. If I did have an idea, I tended to keep quiet.

It's a normal pattern, in a meeting of Board, I minute-take and even though I'm fairly amenable to members outside of meetings, in that environment when they are all together I end up fake laughing on the lighter moments, taking my notes and it feels unnatural being there and trying to act confident.

I try to improve and want to be more comfortable but I've still not mastered it despite being in my job for three years. In a smaller group, I'd say I'm OK but meetings of 8-9 people I just go into my shell mainly and hope I'm not going to be thrown a question I can't answer.

Any tips appreciated.
SilentAndShy is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 10-07-2017
Lionhearted's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: East
Posts: 92
Thanked 27 Times
Lionhearted Lionhearted is offline
Newbie User
Lionhearted's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: East
Posts: 92
Thanked 27 Times
You really don't have to worry at all. I was(and still am) really anxious when it comes to giving presentations and speeches in front of a whole bunch of people. I have to use a microphone, and that makes it sound even more horrid. I still remember my voice shaking, and it can easily get to your confidence.

What I do is, I usually plan beforehand, as to how I would talk when my turn comes - this doesn't mean some sort of script which you have to follow. Just make up a nice introduction line, and then focus on your topic/idea in a completely honest way. I know telling this to oneself sounds crazy, but nothing's going to happen if you try.

And please, remember that you might actually do better than expected. You're definitely getting more attention, and that can help in finding more like minded co-workers.

Usually, I always get the feeling of my heart jumping near my throat, whenever I hear that I'm going to interact with a group of people. But just stay calm. Take a deep breath, and try not to involve your mind in anxiety-inducing thoughts. What I'd recommend, is to think of something funny or enjoyable, when you feel your anxiety rising. And that can keep your mind off of that. Even though it may sound strange, I usually find it more calm, when I ignore all the hustle and bustle around me.

Just don't react to situations, which you yourself feel not interesting to you...within reason, of course!
Lionhearted is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Lionhearted For This Useful Post:
SilentAndShy (10-10-2017)
Old 10-07-2017
Kiwong's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,641
Thanked 394 Times
Kiwong Kiwong is offline
Elite User
Kiwong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,641
Thanked 394 Times
Your not alone Silent and Shy. Office meetings are excruciating.
__________________
In my dreams nothing holds me down, there is only out and away. I wish I could die and be reborn as a bird. William Wharton Birdy
Kiwong is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Kiwong For This Useful Post:
SilentAndShy (10-10-2017)
Old 10-09-2017
morrowrd's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The state of NY
Posts: 27
Thanked 7 Times
morrowrd morrowrd is offline
Newbie User
morrowrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The state of NY
Posts: 27
Thanked 7 Times
I will put in for days off just to avoid meetings. My boss approved my last vacation day, and I told him it was just to avoid the meetings. He laughed, couldn't believe I'd use up personal time to do that. I've been there 27 years and can count all the meetings I've attended on my two hands. I feel most meetings are unnecessary, most information can be put out in an email. I don't fit in, I'm uncomfortable participating, I have nothing to add other than to disagree. It's better that I'm not there.
morrowrd is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 10-10-2017
MollyBeGood's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: genpop
Posts: 3,722
Thanked 336 Times
MollyBeGood MollyBeGood is offline
Elite User
MollyBeGood's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: genpop
Posts: 3,722
Thanked 336 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by morrowrd View Post
I will put in for days off just to avoid meetings. My boss approved my last vacation day, and I told him it was just to avoid the meetings. He laughed, couldn't believe I'd use up personal time to do that. I've been there 27 years and can count all the meetings I've attended on my two hands. I feel most meetings are unnecessary, most information can be put out in an email. I don't fit in, I'm uncomfortable participating, I have nothing to add other than to disagree. It's better that I'm not there.
Kudos for your 27 yrs of employment at the same place and avoiding meetings for that long!

Last job I had we had Skype meetings with people internationally it was crazy and not so bad because I was able to do it from my bed LoL
MollyBeGood is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 10-10-2017
Advanced User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 436
Thanked 10 Times
SilentAndShy SilentAndShy is offline
Advanced User
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 436
Thanked 10 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by morrowrd View Post
I will put in for days off just to avoid meetings. My boss approved my last vacation day, and I told him it was just to avoid the meetings. He laughed, couldn't believe I'd use up personal time to do that. I've been there 27 years and can count all the meetings I've attended on my two hands. I feel most meetings are unnecessary, most information can be put out in an email. I don't fit in, I'm uncomfortable participating, I have nothing to add other than to disagree. It's better that I'm not there.
I wish I could not attend meetings but hey ho.. slightly envious of your arrangement.

Yes, the length of meetings really take their toll on me. There comes a point I think about other things and barely pay any attention. Probably why I stumble when I'm asked something.
SilentAndShy is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 10-11-2017
morrowrd's Avatar
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The state of NY
Posts: 27
Thanked 7 Times
morrowrd morrowrd is offline
Newbie User
morrowrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The state of NY
Posts: 27
Thanked 7 Times
One thing I've discovered, is once you start avoiding the meetings, if by chance you do attend down the road, you don't really fit in. Where I work is very cliquiey, and way back when I first started there, I didn't fit in, my social skills were terrible. As a young supervisor, I felt people thought I was incompetent, so I began avoiding the meetings. Now, all these years later, people don't really expect me anymore. My boss is new this year, I've worked here almost as long as he's been alive. Yet I like him. Idealistic, but he has a good sense of right and wrong. He likes me, and accepts my anti-social ways. I get things done, fast. Thats what's important.

Anyway, back to the meetings, at this point in the big picture, it's stupid to even try to fit in. I've long ago accepted who I am.
morrowrd is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 10-11-2017
Kiwong's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,641
Thanked 394 Times
Kiwong Kiwong is offline
Elite User
Kiwong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,641
Thanked 394 Times
My new boss said I could not go to meetings If I wanted. I gave apologies for one, but I have gone to several more to face my fear because that is how I am supposed to embrace my anxiety. I have faced my fear but it back fires and worsens my anxiety because of the reactions I get.
__________________
In my dreams nothing holds me down, there is only out and away. I wish I could die and be reborn as a bird. William Wharton Birdy
Kiwong is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
awkward day at work LazyHermitCrab Off-Topic 2 10-27-2015 02:55 AM
Awkward potential work situation-Need Advice!! lilmutegirl Social Anxiety Forum 49 03-05-2013 08:58 PM
How awkward is being at work for you socially? bitingthepea Social Anxiety Treatment & Therapies 32 01-02-2013 06:09 PM
It felt so awkward at work today Richey Social Anxiety Forum 2 08-29-2009 08:56 PM
Work meetings nico82 Social Anxiety Forum 2 01-22-2009 04:24 AM

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:38 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.10
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
 
Contact Us Privacy