Feeling Guilty for Declining Invites?

[aNOTfox]

Something I have trouble with whenever I'm invited anywhere.

Friend: Hey! Its so-and-so's birthday on Saturday. Everyone's going to the party, wanna come along?

me: sorry carn't....cleaning my room/ defrosting the cat/ unbending paperclips etc.

Friend: (offended)oh, um ok... guess I'll see your some other time then...

*friend abruptly hangs up*

A few of my friends (the ones who don't know about my social anxiety) have assumed that I don't like them when I decline inivites. Birthdays in particular because they will assume that I think their not worth making the effort for which really isn't true at all!

I'd like to hear if anyone has experienced something similar. I'd also like to get advise for myself and others in this situation on how to deal with friends who think your being mean.

 

[jryden]

A few of my friends (the ones who don't know about my social anxiety) have assumed that I don't like them when I decline inivites. Birthdays in particular because they will assume that I think their not worth making the effort for which really isn't true at all!

I turn down many opportunities to go places/events. Most times I really want to go but my SA hinders me. People are starting to notice. Asking me why I don't like going where people are.

I'd like to hear if anyone has experienced something similar. I'd also like to get advise for myself and others in this situation on how to deal with friends who think your being mean.

If you feel comfortable with those friends, let them know you don't like crowds and prefer small gatherings. Idk tbh I haven't found a solution to this. I don't feel comfortable enough with anyone to tell them about my SA and other issues. They only know that I am shy.

 

[hardy]

Never had too many friends. Not for the last 10 yrs at least. So i don't know...but i AM trying to keep my word if i commit to go somewhere.

I have a few very good meditation friends(believe me it's not easy to be friends with common people for socially anxious people, except may be parents and siblings) and if i give them a word and keep it, i know they will believe me the next time. I had instances when i promised something and did not deliver only to be ridiculed.

My brother's party...i had to be there. I meditated, brought a couple of my own friends...said hi n bye here and there and spent the evening. It was so tiring.
I think it's not a bad option to say 'NO' when you can't spend quality time especially when there are more than 3 people. It's scary for me...hehe

 

[xDreamseller]

I used to always do this and blame that for why none of my friends stuck around with me for long after we all left school. Truth is, I don't find spending £30 on a day out worth the price.