Nervous around a certain person

[gustavofring]

Although I'm shy I can get along with most people and don't feel uncomfortable being around them once the 'ice is broken'.

But there's this one person, a girl, I just can't quite..fathom.
I've known her for about 2 years now, she is a roommate, and she always manages to make me feel uncomfortable. I don't know if she dislikes me, or maybe has SA or hypersensitive herself to a degree, or is narcissistic/egotistic, but she always gives this..Well for lack of a better word, " stink-eye" when I meet her. Sometimes she doesn't even look at me or react when I greet her. I try to be friendly and interested, but I get nothing back.

Whenever I am in the kitchen and she comes in, there are those incredible awkward silences, because I simply don't know how to behave/react/feel around her. She's also very opinionated and agressive towards me. It's not like she isn't friendly and jovial with other roommates though. It just seems to be me, although others have commented on the fact that she can be a little bit arrogant at times. I guess though that they have found better ways to deal with her and have managed to break the ice a little, whereas I never did.

Hard to deal with such a person, especially if you live together under 1 roof. It sometimes feels like is harboring some kind of intense hatred for me or something. I've kind of stopped trying to be nice, but I hate that hostile atmosphere that comes about. How to deal with such a person??

 

[GillyMarie]

I get that all the time.. And It really really messes with my head... I could understand it if the person did something to annoy me, or just wasn't a very nice person. But for the most part, all it takes is a certain glance or stare.. something, anything, nothing!! For NO REASON whatsoever I act nervous, ( A lot of the time, It's ppl I actually like and admire ) then OCD kicks in and intrusive thoughts... It's a nightmare.

 

[YellowBird]

Can't you confront her?Maybe you've done something that bothered her without noticing,since you live together,you might do something she hates(some people have weird pet peeves)so she thinks that you do it on purpose or something.Maybe she feels the same way you do,that you don't like her or you aren't very friendly,it's common for us to be misunderstood that we are a bit snotty because we don't talk a lot.Ofcourse,maybe she's just a bitch,so there's really nothing you can do to change her,don't let it get to you and feel that you have to be another person just to please her,it's her fault she's a bitch,don't feel bad.

 

[YellowBird]

I get that all the time.. And It really really messes with my head... I could understand it if the person did something to annoy me, or just wasn't a very nice person. But for the most part, all it takes is a certain glance or stare.. something, anything, nothing!! For NO REASON whatsoever I act nervous, ( A lot of the time, It's ppl I actually like and admire ) then OCD kicks in and intrusive thoughts... It's a nightmare.

i have ocd too and i know exactly how you feel!But that's also pretty avoidant,the difference between sad and AvPD is that the symptoms get worse depending on the person we are dealing with.People i'm not crazy about i have almost no problem talking to,but if it's someone that intimidates me,i get intrusive thoughts and feel like sh*t when i'm near them,causing me to feel self loathing-self loathing causing me to distance myself till i regain my dignity again and so on..

 

[gustavofring]

Can't you confront her?Maybe you've done something that bothered her without noticing,since you live together,you might do something she hates(some people have weird pet peeves)so she thinks that you do it on purpose or something.Maybe she feels the same way you do,that you don't like her or you aren't very friendly,it's common for us to be misunderstood that we are a bit snotty because we don't talk a lot.Ofcourse,maybe she's just a bitch,so there's really nothing you can do to change her,don't let it get to you and feel that you have to be another person just to please her,it's her fault she's a bitch,don't feel bad.

I do have suspicions why she dislikes me or doesn't want to put any effort in being nice to me. She seems like a person who only is friendly with the "popular outgoing" types with busy interesting lives, and people like me she waltzes over or treats them like a lesser person. So yeah, to me she does look like a narcissistic, egotistic bitch.

And yes she does have pet pieves, like complaining when there's a few cigarettes laying on the porch in front of the house, writing down angry messages whenever someone is too late for their cleaning schedule, etc. Even things like, when someone accidentally leaves an sock in the shower, throwing it in the middle of the ground outside of the shower.

But again, you're right, I don't know what really goes on in another person's mind. Maybe she has some self confidence or anxiety problems herself and compensates for that by acting like a huge diva. Maybe she even sees me as the arrogant one. It is known to me that other roommates have had the same vibes coming from her, but somehow they managed to get over that and get more jovial with her. But I feel like it's kinda too late for that.

I honestly don't know in what way I could confront her, as there is no direct thing that would justify a confrontation. I am scared to hell of the reaction she would have if I were to say something like "Why don't you greet me?" or "Is something wrong?". It's not really that she's openly rude to me, see, it's more of an unspoken dislike vibe that I get from her, in things like acting all sighy when she sees me, not saying hello, bitchy looks, etc. Kind of passively agressive.