when I have a chance to talk to a girl...

[no1]

or it seems like I do.. and I totally miss an opportunity... I get really mad.

Most of the time I don't even see the opportunity.. and perhaps other guys/girls would tell me "go ahead", "talk to her" "she's there for you". How can one just "run game" on a random girl he just spotted, without any sort of common interest to talk about? Without even knowing if there really is some common interest? When most girls would probably shy away from any stranger who says hi to them randomly, unless he doesn't look scary, or ugly?

But in this situation I usually never know exactly how to initiate such "conversation", or "flirting" whatever you want to call it.

I want the girls here to know that just because you expect a guy to flirt or talk with you, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you or doesn't want to. Perhaps he really doesn't know what the F is going on or he doesn't know how to approach the situation.

I mean come on, from a male perspective.. that's a lot of pressure, to bring up connotations of something that is even close to sexual, or even just.. intimate with a girl you just got to know?

Don't look at us like we are slow, or stupid. Perhaps we don't know. Perhaps some help from the other side might make things flow smoothly.

Girls must understand how hard it can be to talk to a girl, and to not judge us just because we may have this "rejection fear". It's only natural for us, in fact it may even be instinctual. Sure we try to get over it... but don't expect us to be superman and to be so happy about breaking laws or rules or etiquette just to satisfy "desire" or "needs".

I've had a girl turn me down.. because I just didn't "get it". She didn't give me any obvious clues. She just expected me to get it without any help from the other side. She had the nerve to call me a "slow stepper". Well she wasn't all that I guess then anyway.

Don't expect everything to be perfect and for the guy to just "get you" by doing the slightest thing, and then do everything from there.

 

[no1]

Obviously I don't mean that I dont want to do anything. It's just that we're in this together. If you want to be together, then let's do it together. If it's entirely one-sided what could that say then about the relationship (if at all it does say anything)?

 

[aizome]

everyone finds it, at some point, difficult to initiate conversation with the opposite sex. even with the same sex.

every girl, every situation is different. nobody expects you to be superhuman or for things to 'click' immediately(except one nutjob. and i'm sorry, but both genders contain nutjobs, it's not just females). ever thought about how hypothetical girl's day's been going? that maybe she had a fight with someone and she's feeling a bit off? maybe she's sick? maybe she's been abused and finds men threatening? you can't expect patience from someone that you're not being patient with.

you don't have to be sexual with your connotations, or even use connotations at all. the best approach is a friendly one, get to know her first without viewing her solely as relationship material.

every person is different. some girls are patient, some are not. same with men. some men get nervous approaching girls and vice versa. it all works two ways.

 

[no1]

I usually can't say hi because girls usually have this "I dont talk to strangers" thing and they have a shield about them all the time.

 

[no1]

ever thought about how hypothetical girl's day's been going? that maybe she had a fight with someone and she's feeling a bit off?

yeah.. I once said hi to a girl and she got really pissed off at me.. maybe she was having a bad day. She told me "I just dont talk to strangers!"

 

[Anubis]

You need to fix your insecurities and inner-game issues before you start looking for girls. Seriously.

Otherwise you won't learn anything from these on-the-field attempts.

 

[zofia-life-coach]

I know is not easy and it’s hard work actually, but practice will make it better and easier.

 

[Perfidion]

The worst that can happen is she tells you to piss off and leave her alone. Your head won't explode if you're rejected. And it takes a lot of rejections before you succeed. Bear in mind that rejection is like anything else -- you get used to it with repeated exposure. It's never "nice", but it does start to suck a little less every time it happens. Eventually, you find yourself becoming philosophical about the whole thing.

Believe it or not, girls get rejected too. All the time. Think about that for a while and it might make the whole ordeal a little less unbearable.

 

[RND_CHR]

The worst that can happen is she tells you to piss off and leave her alone. Your head won't explode if you're rejected. And it takes a lot of rejections before you succeed. Bear in mind that rejection is like anything else -- you get used to it with repeated exposure. It's never "nice", but it does start to suck a little less every time it happens. Eventually, you find yourself becoming philosophical about the whole thing.

Believe it or not, girls get rejected too. All the time. Think about that for a while and it might make the whole ordeal a little less unbearable.

Wow, that's what I woudl've said. But it would've been much less eloqent. Nice job.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Not that I know a terribly lot about this, but from my experience, you can tell if a girl is sort of into you just by eye contact and the body language she gives you. This is your first clue that she is willing to talk to you, so make sure you are doing everything you can to watch out for these clues. If she gives you "the look," especially more than once, that means go say something! It starts as simple as that.

As for having something to talk about, ask her about her! What's her name, what does she do for fun, work, school, etc. Put the focus on her and everything she might do in life as a human being, and then you can throw in some of what you do in response.

ETA:

Also don't be afraid to show you're nervous. I think some girls actually find that sort of attractive. As long as you are able to actually follow through with what you want to say, then you're all good.

 

[no1]

Not that I know a terribly lot about this, but from my experience, you can tell if a girl is sort of into you just by eye contact and the body language she gives you. This is your first clue that she is willing to talk to you, so make sure you are doing everything you can to watch out for these clues. If she gives you "the look," especially more than once, that means go say something! It starts as simple as that.

As for having something to talk about, ask her about her! What's her name, what does she do for fun, work, school, etc. Put the focus on her and everything she might do in life as a human being, and then you can throw in some of what you do in response.

ETA:

Also don't be afraid to show you're nervous. I think some girls actually find that sort of attractive. As long as you are able to actually follow through with what you want to say, then you're all good.

Wel.. u say "go say something"... what can I say? Anyhting? Usually I have to comment about something going on in our environment, or something. I can't really just say "hey what's your name?" doesn't that sound personal or as if I'm asking her because I want to "do something" with her? I usually never think about how much she might enjoy my presence, or how I'm giving her a chance with me, it's always about whether or not I'm intruding her space.

 

[DaaaBulls]

For the most part people are genuinely nice so saying hello won't make anyone mad. I see what you mean when some girls act like they are too good even when your just trying to say hello but if they are assuming that you are saying hello because you want something sexually then they have some real issues that they need to work with. It is tough and I am in the same boat but just be friendly and everything will work out. You have to figure that not every girl you talk to is going to be interested so limit your expectations. Also I think it is very uncommon that guys pick up girls the first time they meet them. This just doesn't really happen. Over time though if you see a girl enough through work, class, gym, etc then there is the oppurtunity to start something, plus in these cases you most likely know where you stand with the person.

 

[antipop621]

I have a hypothesis that I'll never be able to test, but I believe that if our world was such that only women could hit on men (not the other way around, by penalty of death), there would be a LOT less rejection going on.

Seriously, I wouldn't reject anyone as long as thing are law abiding. A vagina and a pulse are the only 2 things I need a girl to have.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

Wel.. u say "go say something"... what can I say? Anyhting? Usually I have to comment about something going on in our environment, or something. I can't really just say "hey what's your name?" doesn't that sound personal or as if I'm asking her because I want to "do something" with her? I usually never think about how much she might enjoy my presence, or how I'm giving her a chance with me, it's always about whether or not I'm intruding her space.

Well, first of all, if you don't have a certain level of confidence and value of your own self, then you are going to second guess every single thing you do or say. Everything you think about is going to be filtered through a negative stream of thought, and then you project that negative stream of thought onto the other person. So before you even think about saying something as simple as "Hi, how are you?" or "Where you from?" or "Hey I like your shirt" or anything, you have already defeated yourself. You kill every line of thought in your head, so everything you think about saying seems hopeless.

That is what has to change for you. Instead of killing off everything before you even say it, you need to start pumping positive life into those thoughts. That's not an easy thing to do, and it takes time, effort, and discipline to make it a habit. But that seems to be a problem for you, just thinking everything is "too personal" or she wouldn't take anything you said well at all. You're knocking yourself out before you even get into the ring.

Try this: When you're at a supermarket or something, and you see a pretty cashier that seems friendly, compliment her on something simple. Her nails, her hair, her smile, her clothes, ANYTHING. "Oh that's a cool shirt." "Hey you have nice nails.".... And don't kill your thoughts before you do it, just say it like you mean it and like it means something coming from you. Value what you say and she will too.

I would also suggest not trying to make anything too serious right away, especially if you need big help in confidence. Just get use to complimenting girls or saying hi -- exchanging "looks of interest" etc. The more you get comfortable with these sort of things, your confidence should build a little, enough to continue on. That's basically the start of it.