For Social Phobes who contemplate Suicide ... a question.

Just curious, how do you find the courage to contemplate it? I'm a social phobe myself and by definition that means I'm a a very fearful person. I hate exposing myself to anything unknown. In my worst periods, I could literally stay in my room for 2 straight months during the summer just so I could avoid the fear of unsuspected criticism.

Now criticism is understandably very scary because you're not exactly sure how you'll get exposed to it. But death is just as bad, because NO ONE truly physically knows what the mind goes through once one passes away. It's pretty much one of the most "un-explored" frontiers of human existence. Once you "cross that plane", your pretty much on your own. Will you continue living? Will you stop existing? And how painful are any of these outcomes? Etc. That's why I personally have never contemplated suicide any of my episodes. Sure, I get really depressed and want to shut myself away from people, but I never think to myself "I need to k1ll myself". For me it just requires WAY TOO much courage to go through (contrary to popular belief, suicide is not for pussies). And if I'm that courageous then I would use that for something stimulating like coming out of SA'ness, heh.

Yea, I'm kinda relaying my opinion about the whole subject after the question so hopefully that doesn't come off as judgemental. But I'm genuinely curious about your thought process.

you need to be in alot of pain to wanna commit suicide.

For me, it was not really a matter of courage at all. Rather it was a lack of hope and a feeling that nothing could possibly improve my situation in life. Usually it came as a spontaneous thought, like I would remember a specific incident from the past and thing 'Fuck, I can never make up for that,' or 'I will never be different than how I am now, so there is no point in living.' It's not a rational reaction, but neither is trying to survive with death being inevitable anyway.

when i felt it and tried i had 2 thoughts in my head since i already had an easy method to do it

1. i hoped that everyone who made me like this suffers
2. i want to be at peace and get this weight off my shoulder

then i finally came to my senses and grew up
that and some strange intervention, so im pretty sure was not to die yet

Smokeringz said:

you need to be in alot of pain to wanna commit suicide.

Click to expand...

That's definitely true. That's how it was for me when I almost did it before starting meds a little over a year ago.

Well if ya gonna do it
lets do a mass one with SP on our forheads

for me it was feeling hopelessness and.. also thinking I am beneath everyone, I am a scum that needs to be executed for honor and justice, or for a good cause...... that I do more harm than good being alive so I should just die.

from my experience its when you are at a fork in the road, continue living your life and put up with the hardship and problems (deal with the problems) or kill your self (dont face the problems)
and when you are at that fork in the road death seems like the better, easier option than life, death doesn't become positive in your own eyes, something to look forward to or anything positive at all, its still that scary unknown, your scared of whats actually happens after you die, which is pretty imminant, but it is better than living right now, you are scared of the pain you will feel and dont want it but that pain and experience is a more appealing option to take than living. Your picking the lesser off 2 evils, neither option is appealing.

so you can see, you have to be at a pretty low point in your life that death and the pain of death is more appealing than living.