Feel completely dead inside.

OutsideLookingIn

OutsideLookingIn

Member
I just graduated from high school, which sucked because i didn't know how to interact with others and ended up saying weird things and everyone though i was a freak. Now im in college and all summer long i was optimistic, praying to God every night that somehow someway tomorrow would be different. Well tomorrow has finally come, and im in school now and it sucks. No one says anything negative, but i just feel incredibly awkward. Im nice and confident while im driving to school, but from the time i get out of the car till the time i leave for the day, i feel horribly self concious. Im a commuter and i dont know anything about dorm life or anything, but it seems like everyone else just clicks and it comes together so easy. It pisses me off that as an almost 19 year old male, i sometimes cry at night about this stuff. Every "friend" ive ever had has managed to cross me and spread rumors about me, and im starting to really believe that no true friends exist. When i enter the classroom, i can feel my facial expression tighten, and sometimes my face gets red. I can just feel a presence in the room that everyone is thinking that im a freak or wierd. Everytime i make eye contact with someone it seems that they have a disgusted look on their face. I especially notice this with girls. And i think thats what hurts the most. When a girl says something or looks at me in such a way, i feel horrible and it takes me a VERY long time to get over it. I feel so inadaquate in female eyes, and it saddens me to think that i will never have a girlfriend and do normal things. Ive never been to invited to a party, only hung out with a guy like 3 times to help work on his car and do homework. Ive never texted anyone because i have no one to text, and the only numbers on my phone are my parents. Feel completely isolated and alone in life, and every attempt made at socializing and brancing out leaves me feeling rejected and HORRIBLY awkward, feeling as though i have said or done something wrong. I just dont know about any of this, and im at the point now where i want to just move away somewhere where there are no people to judge me or deal with, so i could just finish off the rest of my life in peace. I apologize for the really long post but writing all my feelings down kind of relieves my stress, any one else relate?
 
RNB

RNB

Active member
OutsideLookingIn said:
I just graduated from high school, which sucked because i didn't know how to interact with others and ended up saying weird things and everyone though i was a freak. Now im in college and all summer long i was optimistic, praying to God every night that somehow someway tomorrow would be different. Well tomorrow has finally come, and im in school now and it sucks. No one says anything negative, but i just feel incredibly awkward. Im nice and confident while im driving to school, but from the time i get out of the car till the time i leave for the day, i feel horribly self concious. Im a commuter and i dont know anything about dorm life or anything, but it seems like everyone else just clicks and it comes together so easy. It pisses me off that as an almost 19 year old male, i sometimes cry at night about this stuff. Every "friend" ive ever had has managed to cross me and spread rumors about me, and im starting to really believe that no true friends exist. When i enter the classroom, i can feel my facial expression tighten, and sometimes my face gets red. I can just feel a presence in the room that everyone is thinking that im a freak or wierd. Everytime i make eye contact with someone it seems that they have a disgusted look on their face. I especially notice this with girls. And i think thats what hurts the most. When a girl says something or looks at me in such a way, i feel horrible and it takes me a VERY long time to get over it. I feel so inadaquate in female eyes, and it saddens me to think that i will never have a girlfriend and do normal things. Ive never been to invited to a party, only hung out with a guy like 3 times to help work on his car and do homework. Ive never texted anyone because i have no one to text, and the only numbers on my phone are my parents. Feel completely isolated and alone in life, and every attempt made at socializing and brancing out leaves me feeling rejected and HORRIBLY awkward, feeling as though i have said or done something wrong. I just dont know about any of this, and im at the point now where i want to just move away somewhere where there are no people to judge me or deal with, so i could just finish off the rest of my life in peace. I apologize for the really long post but writing all my feelings down kind of relieves my stress, any one else relate?
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I wish I could say that it gets easier but I would be lieing if I did. I noticed that it has almost been two years sense you posted this. I apologize for no one writting you back.

I have felt this way for years. The one thing I can promise you is this you are not alone.
 
WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Is this not how it feels to be depressed?

I think you should think about making an appointment with the therapist at your school. Talking about your issues with a real live person might help you more and they could have some good techniques or ideas to help you get back on the road to being happy with your life.

Just a suggestion.
Therapy helps some people more than others, but if it has a chance of helping- you should give it a shot!
 
MaliceInWickedland

MaliceInWickedland

Well-known member
Sounds a lot like me, incredibly so. I haven't started college yet, but I will be soon and I'm pretty sure it's going to be the exact same thing for me when I start. The only thing I find reassuring is the fact that the classrooms are so big and there are so many people around that they don't really notice you as much as you might think they do. Also since people are older and more mature in college, they're not as quick to judge as people are in high school, or so I've heard.

Don't be ashamed of the fact that you sometimes cry at night about things like these. There's nothing wrong with having feelings and letting them out when necessary. It really aggravates me too how people seem to be able to so easily click with each other like socializing is no big deal. I wish that were the case for everyone.

I'm hoping that since it's been two years since this was posted that you have adjusted to college and know how to handle yourself better.
 
planemo

planemo

Well-known member
MaliceInWickedland said:
Sounds a lot like me, incredibly so. I haven't started college yet, but I will be soon and I'm pretty sure it's going to be the exact same thing for me when I start. The only thing I find reassuring is the fact that the classrooms are so big and there are so many people around that they don't really notice you as much as you might think they do. Also since people are older and more mature in college, they're not as quick to judge as people are in high school, or so I've heard.

Don't be ashamed of the fact that you sometimes cry at night about things like these. There's nothing wrong with having feelings and letting them out when necessary. It really aggravates me too how people seem to be able to so easily click with each other like socializing is no big deal. I wish that were the case for everyone.

I'm hoping that since it's been two years since this was posted that you have adjusted to college and know how to handle yourself better.
Click to expand...

That really depends on the people you encounter. Yes in many ways people are a bit more mature, but my experience in uni proved otherwise. I have to stress that it's a minority that behave like small kids - and are incredibly judgmental and trivial, but they do exist. Basically the same people who are like that in High school will be same in uni. The sad part is that people tend to prey on those who are on their own, as there is safety in numbers and usually you get a group of jerks picking on the odd one out.

But yes I had many of those difficulties, and the frustration of seeing how below average I am when it comes to socializing. Yes, classrooms are bigger. I'm not sure if you are gonna be using lecture halls, but if you do it's always great to enter from the back and to be on time, as it means the entire lecture hall's attention is focused on the person arriving late.

The difficult thing I experienced when it came to uni was how easy it is to become a complete loner and only really experience interaction in class. In school it's much easier to form relationships and make friends. Anyway good luck when college starts and as long as you go to lectures and hang around with people who you feel comfortable around, everything should go well. :)
 
Fade To Black

Fade To Black

Member
I can relate to those feelings. I am very self-conscious in those types of situations as well and feel like people are judging me. You are not alone, my friend.
 
E

emmbai1990

Member
I feel the same, no idea where to say, i feel so awkward and it saddens me, it all seems too easy for everyone else while me always the quietest person in the room feels like nobody wants to know me and totally judges me before they even know me. They wonder why i'm like i am but i just am, apparently it even makes other people feel awkward, Michelle from college told me like at first i tend to sort of sit a bit away from others, i try to not to but i just feel so awkward with new people, i dunno what to say, i just feel so uncomfortable being all chitty chatty with people i don't know like we knew each other for years, don't happen like that for me, i just sort of have to ease myself into it, i feel like most people judge me though like there's something wrong with me, feels horrible.
 
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