Does this disease ever go away

You feel you have it under control, but you don't. You think it's irrelevant but it's dead serious. You try to ignore it, but it forever haunts you. It is so simple yet so complicated. Other people ignore it and don't even understand it, but you dwell on it and can't escape it. It's ok in small doses, but in large numbers you perish. It makes you feel/look like a bitc h, but you are actually tough as nails. How can someone be afraid of human presence and human judgement but not be scared of what they might physically do to you. I feel suffocated, it is holding me back, it is killing my opportunities. I feel like people are monsters. How can you break out of it? Most of the time it's ok, but it only takes one instance to ruin it all. Why can't we just be completely oblivious like young children are. They live like noone are watching, I wish I could be like that. I wish I didn't care what people thought and how they perceived me, but it's engraved in my brain, I can't escape it. I only try to ignore it. I wish I could. Is there a medication that actually works? I'm sick of feeling like a scared boy, when deep down I'm not scared of hardly anyone at all. I hate it. People are watching. People are judging. People are generally just *****s. I'm sick of stuttering in public and in large groups. I'm sick of not wanting to go out for dinner or coffee simply because theyl be other people there.... :bigsmile:

I feel the same. I continue to also put my foot in my own mouth. Also all of the medications don't seem to work yeah.

I sometimes wonder if I weren't meant to exist in the dark ages as like a roadside brigand. my brain seems wired for that kind of life. imagine all you do everyday is dodge big groups of ppl, hunt animals for food, hold up travelers for some of their coin... easy shit.

R3K said:

I sometimes wonder if I weren't meant to exist in the dark ages as like a roadside brigand. my brain seems wired for that kind of life. imagine all you do everyday is dodge big groups of ppl, hunt animals for food, hold up travelers for some of their coin... easy shit.

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Amazing. Can you imagine If society was based on survival skills rather than talking bullshit all day? The human race would get a helluva lot more done and there wouldn't be so many effwits around Natural selection has been removed, that's why a zombie apocalypse would be an excellent way to bring it back to where it should be at lol

I'm not sure if there's a final solution to this kind of thing.

I refuse to take meds because I think they're poison and will make things worse in the long term... I really haven't heard of too many people finding long-term success with meds but I have heard of long-term disasters happening because of them.

When I started exercising more I felt better for a while but then it sort of plateaued and leveled off so now I'm only marginally better than I was.

Part of me wants to say the solution is to find an SO so I at least feel semi-validated by the status that this implies... and sometimes I feel like maybe this will lead to confidence, but then whenever I do get an SO I either feel like I'm going to disappoint/embarrass them, or I actually don't like them and I'm only with them because I'm afraid of being with someone I actually do like.

I moved away, started traveling, etc... I guess I've just been running away and not facing it, so of course it's going to catch up with me. So yeah, it seems like everything I do is only a short-term solution and eventually I somehow talk myself into getting nervous again.

The thing is, whenever I'm alone I feel like it's about the only time I can look at myself and not feel absolutely painfully ashamed... being around other people makes me feel like I've lost sight of what life is supposed to be about, but when I'm alone I can sort of look at things and at least be at peace with them. I think I feel more ashamed of myself in relation to what the world demands of me, or what I feel like the world demands of me... not because I feel like an inherently 'bad' person.

^^yep, if you constantly compare yourself to normal successful, outgoing people, you are going to wind up depressed and isolate even more.thing is, this society almost forces ypou to believe that you must be outgoing and social in order to be 'happy'.this is what really kiled me during my high school years.

medication helps certain areas but brings up problems in other areas.its always a trade-off.in most cases in my experience, it usually brings up as many side effects as it cures so.

bsammy said:

^^yep, if you constantly compare yourself to normal successful, outgoing people, you are going to wind up depressed and isolate even more.thing is, this society almost forces ypou to believe that you must be outgoing and social in order to be 'happy'.this is what really kiled me during my high school years.

medication helps certain areas but brings up problems in other areas.its always a trade-off.in most cases in my experience, it usually brings up as many side effects as it cures so.

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The only side effect I ever noticed with the 8 different pills I have tried was they all messed with my donger except for klonopin which messed with it in other ways I don't feel like going into detail with. May as well rename it to viagra in my case. It didn't change my mood or sa at all.

sahxox said:

Amazing. Can you imagine If society was based on survival skills rather than talking bullshit all day? The human race would get a helluva lot more done and there wouldn't be so many effwits around Natural selection has been removed, that's why a zombie apocalypse would be an excellent way to bring it back to where it should be at lol

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haha, wow zombie apocalypse. when I was watching world war z, the whole first half of the movie where he's trying to protect his family and crap, I was like--dude just ditch those slow-pokes and concentrate on killing zombies and getting the antidote and save the whole world... how inefficient of you wasting time worrying about two weakling civilians when time's ticking and millions are dying elsewhere.

rationalsafety said:

I think culture is a huge part of SA... those of us in the United States have it a lot worse because there are so many extroverts everywhere, but in places like Japan and China, extroversion is looked down upon...

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*jumps on plane to Tokyo*

My SA got a lot better after I forced myself to introduce myself to others in a networking fair. Booze helps.