Does life suck?

Hi all,

I'm 32 and fear becoming lonely. I sometimes can't even stand having my parents in the same house, but at the same time the thought of them dying scares me so much.....

It seems that nothing would make me happy. Marrying and having children would make my life a hell, because I need my own time and space so much. On the other hand, not marrying and becoming lonely will also make me unhappy in the long term. What am I supposed to do in this case. It's so hard, perhaps life just sucks no matter what path you choose?

Nah, it's just a case of working out what formula works for you. So marriage isn't for you. Kids aren't for you. (I concur with that absolutely by the way: I can't stand the idea of having kids.) Neither of permanent singledom for you.

Well, maybe something else is for you - after all, there are more options in life than either marriage or singledom. There's co-habitation with a partner, co-habitation with other singles, communal living (which, I gather, is different from simply sharing a house), and so on.

As for me, I don't want to be on my own but don't want a family in the traditional sense either, so what I ended up doing was finding a partner who suits me well - he's quite reserved and we're very much on the same wavelength), and almost all of my friendships are online. It might sound selfish, but I get to cultivate friendships on my terms. It suits me down to the ground.*

* I think it's worth mentioning at this point that the only time this has gone wrong for me has been Lonelyloser and his persistent tantrums.

Pinker said:

Argamemnon said:

Hi all,

I'm 32 and fear becoming lonely. I sometimes can't even stand having my parents in the same house, but at the same time the thought of them dying scares me so much.....

It seems that nothing would make me happy. Marrying and having children would make my life a hell, because I need my own time and space so much. On the other hand, not marrying and becoming lonely will also make me unhappy in the long term. What am I supposed to do in this case. It's so hard, perhaps life just sucks no matter what path you choose?

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I understand what you mean. If you're like me you don't *know* what would make you happy. Life is boring...

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That's how I feel. I don't know what makes me happy either.

I hope that I'll be married by the time I'm thirty and have kids soon after, but the way my life is right now I don't see the happening any time soon.

As a shy person I advise to try out new things; see if you can discover a new hobby which will keep you busy for a while. Doesn't solve all your problems but it'll make you happier, at least for the period when you're occupied with it^^.

If you're becoming lonely, then you need to figure out what kind of social lifestyle would make you happy and work hard at it. Marriage is not for everyone, but you may want to really question why you are not interested in it? Are you scared to commit and give up some of your independence (it sounds like you might be)? No matter who you are, there is a female that will work well with you. You may have to give up some of your time/independence, but every person, single or married, needs some alone time. I'm not saying that you should get married, but definitely think about and see if you are not avoiding it simply because you are scared to commit and give up your independence.

If it's not for you, in fact, then think about how you would like to have social outlets. Friends, girlfriend...etc... and try to work towards that goal. That will definitely make you happier.

IMO, I think you're afraid of yourself, not in the typical "You're going to kill me" afraid, but more of a "I don't trust myself" afraid. To be more specific, you don't trust yourself ... to make decisions. Why? I'm not sure. You could be afraid of all the consequences. You could be afraid of making the wrong move. You could be afraid of messing up so badly that you can't hit the "reset" button. But yet you see others and wonder how they can so briskly move through life and make these same decisions without blinking. It makes you hate yourself, and your life.

This is me. And I know I might just be projecting my problem to you, but the tone of your post just seems very familiar to me. I think the solution is to stop being so critical of yourself and simply TRUST yourself. Harder done than said though but it should logically improve your life.