Does anyone else resent their desire to be with people?

Gieky

Gieky

Well-known member
I feel like I am a slave to the innate social desires that come with being human...and I hate it! Despite being socially awkward and flat out weird, I have a good amount of friends, I strike up conversations with people I don't know and I am "out there" living life but my craving for social interaction resembles an addiction. I want it, I get it and I hate it, then I want it again.

When I am alone I want to be around people. When I am around people I want to be alone. I fight through the severe anxiety, being unable to breathe, just so I can have these small bursts of fun moments with people. The worst part is when I finally get some time alone with my thoughts. I ruminate excessively, picking apart every strange thing I said or did (there are a lot on any given day). Eventually I will spiral down to past events, cringing at myself, my life. I don't want to get into detail but my thoughts go to some terrifyingly dark places, scaring the sh*t out of me. I eventually calm down then swear to myself that from then on I will stop trying to meet new people, I will speak very little and become closed off. I fantasize about becoming more hermitized, so I can be at peace. Then I don't do that and repeat the cycle all over again. WTF brain, pick a side!

Does anyone else feel like they're stuck on the same hamster wheel?
 
I

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
Gieky said:
I feel like I am a slave to the innate social desires that come with being human...and I hate it! Despite being socially awkward and flat out weird, I have a good amount of friends, I strike up conversations with people I don't know and I am "out there" living life but my craving for social interaction resembles an addiction. I want it, I get it and I hate it, then I want it again.

When I am alone I want to be around people. When I am around people I want to be alone. I fight through the severe anxiety, being unable to breathe, just so I can have these small bursts of fun moments with people. The worst part is when I finally get some time alone with my thoughts. I ruminate excessively, picking apart every strange thing I said or did (there are a lot on any given day). Eventually I will spiral down to past events, cringing at myself, my life. I don't want to get into detail but my thoughts go to some terrifyingly dark places, scaring the sh*t out of me. I eventually calm down then swear to myself that from then on I will stop trying to meet new people, I will speak very little and become closed off. I fantasize about becoming more hermitized, so I can be at peace. Then I don't do that and repeat the cycle all over again. WTF brain, pick a side!

Does anyone else feel like they're stuck on the same hamster wheel?
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I had to chuckle when I read this. I can relate although I'm not good with talking to strangers. But, when I do put myself out there due to desperation, I ruminate too about everything that went wrong. I also tire really fast in social situations. A little interaction goes a long way. Afterwards I need time to regenerate.
 
Gieky

Gieky

Well-known member
ImNotMyIllness said:
I had to chuckle when I read this. I can relate although I'm not good with talking to strangers.
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I never said I was good at it! :bigsmile:

ImNotMyIllness said:
But, when I do put myself out there due to desperation, I ruminate too about everything that went wrong.
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The funny thing is, people barely ever give much thought to the little weird things other people do. Knowing that still doesn't help the stress though lol.
 
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Luckylife

Luckylife

Well-known member
I ration my time in public, whereas I could go out aimlessly I will go for a reason and otherwise stay home and think of more important stuff. I know many people who will spend every evening at a bar drinking and being sociable, trouble is 5 years down the line they've added 50lb or have problems associated with alcoholism. The only disappointment I ever feel is if an evening doesn't go quite as I would like it, and that friends have an opinion about this. Apart from that, life alone is great. I will make the effort to socialize at times because I don't like to see people unhappy - after they've had 10 minutes with me they wonder what they were bothered about!
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Gieky said:
I feel like I am a slave to the innate social desires that come with being human...and I hate it! Despite being socially awkward and flat out weird, I have a good amount of friends, I strike up conversations with people I don't know and I am "out there" living life but my craving for social interaction resembles an addiction. I want it, I get it and I hate it, then I want it again.

When I am alone I want to be around people. When I am around people I want to be alone. I fight through the severe anxiety, being unable to breathe, just so I can have these small bursts of fun moments with people. The worst part is when I finally get some time alone with my thoughts. I ruminate excessively, picking apart every strange thing I said or did (there are a lot on any given day). Eventually I will spiral down to past events, cringing at myself, my life. I don't want to get into detail but my thoughts go to some terrifyingly dark places, scaring the sh*t out of me. I eventually calm down then swear to myself that from then on I will stop trying to meet new people, I will speak very little and become closed off. I fantasize about becoming more hermitized, so I can be at peace. Then I don't do that and repeat the cycle all over again. WTF brain, pick a side!

Does anyone else feel like they're stuck on the same hamster wheel?
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I have often had very similar thoughts. I have often resented the fact that as a human, I'm compelled to need other people to interact with. Required. Not my choice.

I don't normally desire to be around others when I am alone, however. Just interacting with friends through the internet is usually enough for me, supplemented by rare get-togethers in person.

There have been times when I 'binge'; socializing in person for multiple days and/or weekends in a row due to various circumstances. There is a 'rush' aspect to this and at the time I may even feel like I want to keep going indefinitely. In the end I always end up completely exhausted and very stressed out, no matter how well it went.
 
M

Missing

Well-known member
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(This shirt was a gift to me because of how I am)

I understand exactly how you feel. I often meet friends at a bar regularly. Days before I'm anxious and worry like crazy if something will go wrong, but there's a big part of me that's excited to have some contact. The second I walk in the door and see everyone I ALWAYS instantly think "oh god, I want to go home. What am I doing here?"

Then the whole time I'm so stressed about my actions, the words I say, etc. When it's FINALLY time to go home, I analyze all the things I think I did wrong. Then comes the "Remember in 5th grade when you...." And the worst of them all: "Oh my god that was the most awkward hug I ever gave. No it wasn't, remember two years ago? Well, this will have to be another person you avoid for the rest of your life."

It's quite exhausting. :/ You want that fix but it feels horrible, yet you want the fix again.

So! I understand your hamster wheel problem, as I'm on one too. I'm just hoping one time I go out and nothing I do makes me cringe, and I can start just wanting it and not hating it at the same time.

Not holding my breath though because I'm the definition of awkward. :bigsmile:
 
monchy

monchy

Member
Gieky said:
When I am alone I want to be around people. When I am around people I want to be alone
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I know... I have the same problem. I want to be popular, I want to be a part of them, but I know I can't do it.

When I went to our school psychologist, she told me that's not possible for me to have a social phobia, because only adults older than 18 can have it. It's so weird for me, because I'm 17, it's just one year... :question:

Sorry if I have written something wrong, I don't speak english very well :(
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
monchy said:
When I went to our school psychologist, she told me that's not possible for me to have a social phobia, because only adults older than 18 can have it. It's so weird for me, because I'm 17, it's just one year... :question:
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:/ your psychologist is very wrong and I wonder how competent she is if she doesn't even know the basic facts about social anxiety. I know a lot of professionals are still unaware of social anxiety altogether, but if she knows it exists I'd say it's her responsibility as a mental health worker to educate herself. The fact is, social anxiety very often begins in adolescence due to the pressures of being social in a new way.

I've been socially anxious since I was a child, as far back as I can remember; I've never NOT had SA. It wasn't officially diagnosed until I was a TEENAGER - I think I was 16 or so. But I was always recognized as being a painfully "shy" child and the adults would either get annoyed or laugh with pity and remark, "Aww she's just shy." They didn't understand of course that it was more than shyness, it was a deep-seated insecurity, a phobia. And it's plagued me my whole life. I'm 24 now and every day is a boxing match with the same old yet still so terrifying foe.

I encourage you to research social anxiety online and find a better psychologist. If you feel you have social anxiety you are probably right.
 
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S

Solo Dolo

Well-known member
I can't tell you how much you sound exactly like me. Everything you said reflects my experiences perfectly. Except now I don't have as many friends as you have because I have already closed myself off from most of the world
 
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