Do quiet people make other people uncomfortable?

Predacon said:

I think its just a clash of two totally opposite personality types. You have people who can't sit quietly and relax, they have to fill the void with their voice even if what they're saying is not that interesting even to them agianst people who like to sit quietly and have thier own space without being intruded upon by someone. When Both sides come together, it just leads to awkwardness that can be hard for each side to understand.

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I think it is that exactly. Some people just have to talk even if they really have nothing to say, its just thier personality.

Turned out one loud person I admired hated me because I was "too quiet". People who hate people usually see the trait in themselves. That's it.

maggie said:

yeah, i know what you're talking about...at work sometimes, i notice my "uncomfortableness" makes others uncomfortable :roll:

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lol my "uncomfortableness" was to an extent that people didn't want to tell me if i was doing something wrong

at my old catering job i had near ponytail hair length and didnt tie it up [breach of workplace health and safety] but noone ever said anything - even the supervisor would tell off other staff to tie their bangs back and i would be standing like a metre away... or at school if i came late to class i'd just get told to take my seat and catch up quickly and no more than a few seconds later one of the "louder" kids walks in and gets detention

They are nervous around quiet people because its all an act they put on, they are so used to getting reactions off people that the ones that dont give them a reaction really get to them deep down and they feel threatened....i dunno maybe it hurts their feelings to not get a reaction out of everyone because its not what they were expecting or are used to.

That being said its also probably why they then try to pick on the ones that dont give a reaction by perhaps mocking or embarrassing them.

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I couldn't agree LESS with that , I am so loud you yanks probably hear me :: a quiet person is not a threat nor does it hurt feelings to not get a response...have you lot ever thought that maybe you been subdued naturally is no different from a loud person been loud naturally !!!

also , picking on a shy person because your loud to hurt them is just pure mean , and although I am sure some do it ( I know it happens) it doesnt mean we all do !!

my final point is ... you ever tried to get a laugh , a conversation or any stimulation from someone who just looks like a blank canvas and acts like one too. So although I know there are those who gain attention by ridiculing quiet people , get some comfort from knowing they are making a complete tit out of themselves.

Shonen_Yo said:

Think that's a great explanation

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I can second this. I think that explains the majority of "loud" people, but not all of them. Some people that I have met seem genuinely "loud" and outgoing, not a put-on at all.

I usually make other people unconfortable. Maybe its the awkward silence that creeps them out.

Srijita52 said:

I usually make other people unconfortable. Maybe its the awkward silence that creeps them out.

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I know what you mean, It's like they are scared of us. I think they that if someone is loud and want to attack them they can see it coming, but if it's quiet people like us, we are deadly silent and they won't see the silent deadly strike

yes..one can be ignorance,they just think we are eccentric because we don't talk a lot,they don't realise that we are suffering all a while they are completely relaxed and their meeting with other people is given no thought,it's as natural as drinking water.and another reason why they are so confident is because they have already come to the conclusion that we are weird(that is,not actually human)and get an instant self esteem boost to show off all their wonderful qualities.there is actually a term in psychology called"the politician" it's a symbolism for people who know how to present themselves in a way that other people will most likely find appealing,concealing any flaws they have and repressing them,basically lying to themselves.

It's awkward when you have nothing to say back to the person whose talking to you. I'm intimidated by confident people because I know I can't hold up a conversation with them without blanking out. God I feel stupid!

thequietone said:

Extroverts don't understand us, it's true.

I went on a field trip where this really funny, extroverted teacher was the chaperone. He was a good guy, a little excentric, but I didn't have a problem with him as long as he didn't put me on the spot.
Anyway, the whole trip, he was just so confused by me and this other quiet girl. He kept saying, "Why are you too so quiet? I can't tell what you're thinking! Are you having a good time?"

He was concerned that our quietness=unhappiness.

Introverts understand. They understand others because they are quiet and pay attention. Extroverts are much better at expressing themselves, and are therefore confused when others don't do the same.

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that has happened to me too,my art teacher always talked to me after class asking me why i was so sad,i didn't know what to answer..i didn't even know what was wrong with me back then,but i mean could she know?she was the adult,she saw a girl sitting on her own all the time.once the music teacher made me sing in class...after that she asked me what were my grades and announced to the whole class"see,that's why".i cry as i think about it and wish i could go back in time defend myself.

YellowBird said:

that has happened to me too,my art teacher always talked to me after class asking me why i was so sad,i didn't know what to answer..i didn't even know what was wrong with me back then,but i mean could she know?she was the adult,she saw a girl sitting on her own all the time.once the music teacher made me sing in class...after that she asked me what were my grades and announced to the whole class"see,that's why".i cry as i think about it and wish i could go back in time defend myself.

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I've had cruel teachers who didn't understand my shyness and other things. I tried to hide in the coat racks one day to hide from her and I got in trouble with another teacher, so they both embarrassed me in front of the class.
My teacher used to throw my desk down and make me pick everything up in front and organize it off the floor in front of 4 class rooms because it was a pod, I would miss out on so much on many days. I got double teamed because they would always make a spectacle out of me and telling the other kids not to be like me because I was messy. I never told my parent because I didn't want her to embarrass me by cursing her out..I didn't want to be hated more. There need to be videos on how children should find adults even if teachers do them wrong, but the whole staff can be full of s*** and sugar coat things when they're talking to parents. That whole year I feared the kids thought so negative of me, it took everything I had to stay in school being made fun of by everyone...for what? Being disorganized and shy?

Some stupid people need to quit, I got so much mess from my "teachers" for being shy, any adult that thinks yelling at children is okay need to f**king quit today.

da_illest101 said:

I know what you mean, It's like they are scared of us. I think they that if someone is loud and want to attack them they can see it coming, but if it's quiet people like us, we are deadly silent and they won't see the silent deadly strike

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Yeah, I guess so. Though I really don't understand when quiet people get stereotyped as some ticking time bomb, it makes no sense at all.

YellowBird said:

that has happened to me too,my art teacher always talked to me after class asking me why i was so sad,i didn't know what to answer..i didn't even know what was wrong with me back then,but i mean could she know?she was the adult,she saw a girl sitting on her own all the time.once the music teacher made me sing in class...after that she asked me what were my grades and announced to the whole class"see,that's why".i cry as i think about it and wish i could go back in time defend myself.

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Beleza said:

I've had cruel teachers who didn't understand my shyness and other things. I tried to hide in the coat racks one day to hide from her and I got in trouble with another teacher, so they both embarrassed me in front of the class.
My teacher used to throw my desk down and make me pick everything up in front and organize it off the floor in front of 4 class rooms because it was a pod, I would miss out on so much on many days. I got double teamed because they would always make a spectacle out of me and telling the other kids not to be like me because I was messy. I never told my parent because I didn't want her to embarrass me by cursing her out..I didn't want to be hated more. There need to be videos on how children should find adults even if teachers do them wrong, but the whole staff can be full of s*** and sugar coat things when they're talking to parents. That whole year I feared the kids thought so negative of me, it took everything I had to stay in school being made fun of by everyone...for what? Being disorganized and shy?

Some stupid people need to quit, I got so much mess from my "teachers" for being shy, any adult that thinks yelling at children is okay need to f**king quit today.

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I'm sorry both of you went through such things. The teachers were being really mean. I've dealt with some teachers who didn't understand shyness, nothing too much though.

Loud people make me uncomfortable.
Also-- people wielding knives/guns/sports equipment/various kitchen utensils/scissors/letter openers/pipes/power tools/gardening tools/alien ray guns and copies of Celine Dion CD's.

Actually-- all people make me uncomfortable.

people talk to each other as a form of social interaction
what they talk is unimportant - the subject is irrelevant
which is why it is often inane and seemingly meaningless
because it's not about the the things they have to say
it's about the TALKING - the talking is a form of bonding
so when there's someone in the group that doesn't talk
it feels to the others like that person doesn't wish to bond
doesn't want to be part of the group, wants to be distant
which, of course, raises suspicion - WHY don't they join in?
WHY do they want to be separate? WHY don't they talk?
it's not about being quiet - it's about NOT bonding

No, insecure chatty people feel uncomfortable with themselves around quiter people.

I have been friends with people where we didn't say all that much but we were always looking out for each other. I have also been amongst groups where some of the people were so relaxed around each other that they didn't talk much but when they did it was just all really nice and relaxed. Then there was this one girl who couldn't stop talking and she didn't care that the others were more quiet. Sometimes its just nice to have a group of people to be around no matter how chatty or non chatty they are, just having people there for a shoulder to lean on so to speak..

I think some people forget this and are just used to being around really cliched social groups or perhaps are making some assumptions as well though being a little naive to depth of scenarios.

But yes, you're right. There are always people who do crave that you give them the fullest attention. But really you can be who you want, as long as you dont ignore them, or you can try to just answer in short bursts if the person is irritating you with awkward "attention seeking" questions.

But you know...find yourself a nice group.

coyote said:

people talk to each other as a form of social interaction
what they talk is unimportant - the subject is irrelevant
which is why it is often inane and seemingly meaningless
because it's not about the the things they have to say
it's about the TALKING - the talking is a form of bonding
so when there's someone in the group that doesn't talk
it feels to the others like that person doesn't wish to bond
doesn't want to be part of the group, wants to be distant
which, of course, raises suspicion - WHY don't they join in?
WHY do they want to be separate? WHY don't they talk?
it's not about being quiet - it's about NOT bonding

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I agree to some extent, but if you read my point above then i believe you can still bond in a group that isn't souly based on talking but more on just being in a group. For instance take a bunch of nerdy music fans, a bit geeky or students who are in the same class, they are nice. You have varying degrees of personalities there. Like anywhere. Those sorts of groups aren't centered at just talking, but they are if you want to make that friend in the beginning, of course you need to form a bond then.

When i say quiet i dont mean, never talking, i just mean not a motor mouth. But i have been friends with really quiet people before and it didn't bother me because i liked them anyway. I don't know, maybe it;s one of those 'have to be there' situations.

I'm glad you're all commenting on this!

It never came to mind that I moved to a new school at 13. I was put in an empty seat, next to my new mate David. We've never been the best of friends. He had responsibility from our English teacher to 'look after me'. It was a career cornerstone, when I was good with all mates 4 to 13. I think it ruffles feathers. Really got on with many people there, once you have things in common, bringing all knowledge from the last place. I could see I was way ahead at Latin than others, and the teacher had trouble teaching me, as they were on a previous stage! Live is either about the subject - what you know, and can do, but then how you are with others.

Fitting in didn't seem impossible. Looking back, I regret moving school and wish I stated where I was. I can't remember any bullying, but possibly - in the locker room. The bigger, best, confident. I always reacted by not responding. I think it portrays either shyness, tiredness, or, the way I am now, far too outspoken and angry! Some youths on the canal side as I was going home, stared at me, as said "take a chair"' drinking beers. Age gap is extremely too much for me. Generally, I say nothing - just a smile or wink, and then ignorance.

Even meeting a stranger in their thirties like me is awkward.

I need to fix this in an office, to have any hope.

MOST PEOPLE are just friendly with anyone. I used to be. Agoraphobia is not about being ouside. I love that, but I can't handle people.

SIMPLE: grow up with siblings. all fine. Never had 'em. Now livin' alone.

I'd do anything to get out of my situation.

BEST OF LUCK TO ALL

thequietone said:

Extroverts don't understand us, it's true.

I went on a field trip where this really funny, extroverted teacher was the chaperone. He was a good guy, a little excentric, but I didn't have a problem with him as long as he didn't put me on the spot.
Anyway, the whole trip, he was just so confused by me and this other quiet girl. He kept saying, "Why are you too so quiet? I can't tell what you're thinking! Are you having a good time?"

He was concerned that our quietness=unhappiness.

Introverts understand. They understand others because they are quiet and pay attention. Extroverts are much better at expressing themselves, and are therefore confused when others don't do the same.

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This does get me thinking of such outgoing teachers. They manage people. I have some social ability, but deeply in need of common ground. I response to questions from others and get a chat going. If the bright, entertaining person sees our introversion as misery or tiredness, we get the 'come out of your shell' prompt. Each situation varies. Someone who prompts, prods, or pokes me might get an aggressive response, which I'd enjoy; my defensive, thoughtful, non-speaking phase means 'I'm stronger' inside makes me feel superior. I have been in other situations - theft of wallet, on holiday in Turkey nightclub... with a year of jail well behind me. Defence works, but there's always a different approach available.

I have been able to jump up in front of people I know, and make them laugh... after having a lot of beers, etc...

What's happened to me? utter loneliness - beyond my control

Office decorum is key to me. I think it's OK to concentrate on the matter in hand, at your desk. Eccentric ways I see in an office aren't appropriate

This is one of the best threads on our Forum in my opinion. I'd quote all entries, print them and hang them on the office notice board! But then they would know who did it. Better not show we are aware of what is going on.

I've noticed that some people-- even most people-- actually get really angry if you're just sitting there not saying anything. And at that point you're stuck in a catch-22 because if you leave you're going to put a lot of people off and they'll probably talk about you when you're gone, but if you stay you're also going to put them off and yet they'll avoid confronting you and just get angry later on.

To be honest, at that point I would say getting out of there is probably the best option-- they're going to be pissed off either way so at least you're sparing yourself some agony.