Confrontations and Crying

dymond26

dymond26

Member
Am I the only person that find themselves in tears when a confrontation arises? One my co-worker confronted me last week about a problem at work and immeaditely felt attack. And, had a very strong urge to defend myself, but it seems that I can not express myself without crying. I believe this makes me look stupid, weak and fragile. I start sweating and trembling, my voice gets shaky. I feel like I am going off the deep end. I do not know how to handle this. I also realized in the past when someone confronted me, I would drop them from my friend list. I do not b/c I do not want to face my problems. This is not good for me, b/c I do not have any friends to begin with. I do not know how to make friends. For example, say I meet someone interesting I will talk to them at that moment, but then I will never talk to them again. I have a very lonely life and that scares me. I want friends, but I guess I am just too afraid of not being liked.
 
Van

Van

Member
you are not alone in this. I hate when people confront me about anything i get soo nervous and start sweating and my speech gets worse cause i have a speech impediment so it all makes it worse. But when someone talks to me that has t in school when i stop talking to them i feel so good about myself but then the next day its the same i don't say anything. And this is when i have to ask something like a teacher or anythin anywhere that i dont know i get nervous and my heart beats fast but when i do it (i dont know how i ask myself sometimes) i feel so much better but yeah these are rare times.
 
Q

Quixote

Well-known member
dymond26 said:
I do not b/c I do not want to face my problems. This is not good for me, b/c I do not have any friends to begin with. I do not know how to make friends. For example, say I meet someone interesting I will talk to them at that moment, but then I will never talk to them again. I have a very lonely life and that scares me. I want friends, but I guess I am just too afraid of not being liked.
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Not sure if this can be of any help, but it's been like this all of my life too. I seem to fit reasonably well in a group at times, but then as the reason for the gathering ceases to be, and everybody leaves, I invariably find myself walking away alone, while the others depart together in small groups, having built some sort of bond that allows them to feel relaxed enough in each other's company. Me, when I find myself face to face with somebody, a weird silence is the norm, one that makes the other person feel awkward.
 
discosuperfly

discosuperfly

Banned
confrontations and crying

whenever I get into confrontation with someone at work I have similar feelings. I feel hurt by criticisms during arguing and try to avoid them altogether. When I really have to assert myself I try to make a joke of it at first to break the ice it helps me a lot. An example would be if someone says man you really screwed that up. I might say wow, I'm really glad you pointed that out. If they don't seem to get the sarcasm I'll say I know I messed up it wasn't necessary for you to point it out. Some people will say I'm oversensitive or something for being defensive a lot but It's really just the social anxiety. I guess that's my advice try to make light if it if you can otherwise I would step out of the situation for a few minutes to calm down than go back to the person who offended you and let them know in your way that you didn't appreciate what they said. Sorry if this was too long of a reply.
 
drjo91

drjo91

Member
..

I kind of feel the same...sometimes i want to speak out and defend myself but i can't then afterwards i cry when i am alone...my family is shyt...they are all apart...my sister always humiliates me and calls me dumb and say that i dont have a future...b.c i just get nervous easily...i don't liek going out or have ppl look at me...i think they are critizing me and are always staring at me and i am scare that i am going to do something stupid.One time i was walking to go to the gym and i almost cry because a lot of people were looking at me.
 
X

xSleepy

Well-known member
well for me, when i want to yell at someone or confront them i have a very strong urge to cry. so usually i keep my feelings to myself cause i dont like crying. ecspecially if im angry. cause when your angry about something you want to seem tough and serious about the situation, and crying just makes it seem less important i guess.
But i have no idea why i have a strong urge to cry when this happens. no one else seems to have this problem...well no one that i know.
 
DT123

DT123

Member
I know what you mean. I always feel like I'm fighting back tears in even the most mild situations.

Today I was getting an omelet in the cafeteria, and the guy who makes the things is really loud and outgoing (generally intimidating to me). He'll try to be friendly and strike up conversations with you, which always worries me because I know I'll let him down. Anyway, I thought I heard him say "next", so I quietly muttered what type of omelet that I want. He didn't say that. Then he loudly starts saying (very friendly but still loudly).."My man, I'll get to you...I'll get to you my man...don't you worry I'll get to you. Just not yet." Several times. I felt singled out and on the spot because he kept doing this, and I felt like I had done something wrong (even though I really hadn't). I really did feel like crying... :oops: I know it's ridiculous too. Totally ridiculous.
 
life

life

Member
everyone has some days like this I'm 44 and I can't count the number of times this has happened to me the job I have I work some days with 200 hundred people and some days with a lot more you would not believe the work that I do big time people people people and I have social anxiety or had it still do!!!!!!!!!!!!
dymond26 said:
Am I the only person that find themselves in tears when a confrontation arises? One my co-worker confronted me last week about a problem at work and immediately felt attack. And, had a very strong urge to defend myself, but it seems that I can not express myself without crying. I believe this makes me look stupid, weak and fragile. I start sweating and trembling, my voice gets shaky. I feel like I am going off the deep end. I do not know how to handle this. I also realized in the past when someone confronted me, I would drop them from my friend list. I do not b/c I do not want to face my problems. This is not good for me, b/c I do not have any friends to begin with. I do not know how to make friends. For example, say I meet someone interesting I will talk to them at that moment, but then I will never talk to them again. I have a very lonely life and that scares me. I want friends, but I guess I am just too afraid of not being liked.
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:)
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
Wow. That's exactly what I do. I try to avoid confrontation at all costs, but sometimes it's unavoidable. I get really freaked out & really upset. Because I'm so quiet, people seem to love to try to intimidate me &, unfortunately, it always works. I end up crying, usually; I just can't help it. I'm way too emotional, way too sensitive, & it just always happens. I get really upset, scared & anxious in normal social situations, & confrontational situations, I just can't deal with.
 
Walk

Walk

Well-known member
I think the part of dropping your friends due to confrontation is actually a good thing.

I mean, what kind of friend "confronts" you, as in, tries to intimidate you for the sake of intimidating you? Nah, you don't need that.
 
Walk

Walk

Well-known member
Right, that's why I said confrontation just for the sake of intimidation is bullshit.

For example, I know if I'm doing something stupid but I don't notice it at the time, I'd want a friend to just snap and say, "Yo man, wtf are you doing?". Most likely it'd be followed by smiles and a pat on the back. That's how I imagine it at least, the fuck do I know about friendship :(

It's a little difficult to explain, but I think it's safe to say that if a friend yells at you in front of other people and embarrasses you constantly without having a real purpose behind it... it's a bad thing.

Bottom line: I believe you can tell if someone is yelling at you out of love or out of assholeness. Like by their follow up actions. Good things being like pats on back or apologies if they went too far.
 
alex29

alex29

Well-known member
confrontation is really hard for me too. even if someone asks me a simple question in a nonconfrontational way im afraid of answering in a way that would seem confrontational. i get very paranoid with it
 
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