Being Extroverted and having SA

I find it hard to fathom how someone who is confident and outgoing has SA, surely its anxiety but SA i doubt it very much, i can honestly say that its been crippling for me only having one girlfriend for a short time and looking nervous at parties, people asking me if im alright so i get freaked out, even around family im uncomfortable because we were never a close or affectionate family, my dad was verbally abusive and we were never a tight group of people. so ive never felt comfortable with anyone except for my close friends at high school but i dont see them as often, are there variations to SA like different angles of this anxiety, it can range from mild to extreme, at the moment im in extreme mode but im helping myself by playing sports again, for instance i avoid my relatives because i feel mostly under pressure and uncomfortable because they are so prejudice of each other and me, also ive been known to drive to the shops and turn around because the anxiety was so extreme that i couldnt even get out of the car

edit: sorry if this seems naive

re: extroverts and SA

i used to work a lot in the public eye - and didn't think i had SA, but now that i'm not working in my field anymore, i avoid people, and am literally scared to even pick the phone on occassion. i keep asking myself "what the hell happened" - but then, after reading up a bit on SA, it seems it can happen to anyone. i know for myself, there was some social trauma that happened when i moved to this new place, so that's one reason why i'm so scared. but one thing did ring very true for me when i read your post - i too have grown up in a household where there was a lot of screaming, verbal abuse. maybe that's part of it too. i don't know. i haven't delved too deeply yet into this problem.

extroverted doesn't equal confident i don't think.

:!:

Richey said:

I find it hard to fathom how someone who is confident and outgoing has SA, surely its anxiety but SA i doubt it very much,

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I've heard this time and time again, theres lots of different ways SA can affect you, for me its groups of 4+ and crowds

As for confidence and being outgoing, its a mask, something that can be learned, I managed it by my freind teaching me sales techniques and the art of conversation allso confidence building, I'm not 100% but far better than I was.

is anyone 100% outgoing and confident though?

Remus said:

is anyone 100% outgoing and confident though?

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i don't think so. there are many quiet, low-key people i know who are confident. i envy them that.

i come across as confident most times but i avoid people and don't talk sometimes and instead of coming across as awkward and nervous they think i don't like them. Although around certain people i become retarded so it really just depends on the situation and the people. But alot of people didn't believe me or were surprised that i have a problem with anxiety. People can cover it up in different ways.

Marketing techniques

I'm really interested in this point....

As for confidence and being outgoing, its a mask, something that can be learned, I managed it by my freind teaching me sales techniques and the art of conversation allso confidence building, I'm not 100% but far better than I was.

I read an article about shy extroverts, and think thats what I am. Probably alot of people with SA are. The article was in Toastmasters (www.toastermasters.org).

Toastmasters has been instrumental for me in gaining confidence. I'm curious about sales and marketing as a means to learn social skills. My friend is right into those things and I've learnt alot from him in this way.

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no I know exactly what you mean. To some people I may appear extrovert... but it is definately all a mask I hide behind. A lot of the time I am over friendly with people so that I don't have to wait to be liked and other times I literally can not face people because I am so scared of what they may think.

cherish said:

i come across as confident most times but i avoid people and don't talk sometimes and instead of coming across as awkward and nervous they think i don't like them. Although around certain people i become retarded so it really just depends on the situation and the people. But alot of people didn't believe me or were surprised that i have a problem with anxiety. People can cover it up in different ways.

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wow i can totally relate to that, ( i think this would be referrin more to the extroverted sa ppl) it's like, we try not to embarrass ourselves or do anything we feel is stupid or awkward in front of certain ppl, and in the process we tend to act "cool" and calm (this is such an uncomfortable shitty uptight tensed up feeling) - which sometimes makes some ppl think we're some hotshot or showoff who only mixes with certain ppl. but i really think it's not an intentional thing, but an unintentional and rather automatic thing that comes about almost always when in these particular situations.

as for me, i know what it's like to be extroverted and have sa. It's the most shit,contradicting feeling to have..
it's like you're a dog on a leash that can stretch until so far...
u wanna go out and all and you're so hyped up about it, but your mind (the leash) drags you in.. and the cycle goes on.
not only do u not know your character, but this "unknown" character is also split into 2 different ones. the sa, and the outgoing - with sa the overpowering factor of course

yeah it is a shit feeling and people do think youre an asshole..happend to day when this kid came outside on break with me at work. He thinks i hate him and when i'm around just him i turn into this aloof boring jerk, but i'm not like that at all when we're with other people so he thinks i have a problem with specifically him. In a way i do it's just i feel uncomfortable around him for some reason.

yeh I get like that where your outgoing and anxious states are continually colliding especially in social situations.

its so annoying when ppl get the wrong idea and act negatively around you because they feel that you are being funny.

and of course there are ppl out there that get offended by shyness because they see it as a negative trait.

yeah I am always myself why and how I can flip from being out going and friendly to being so so shy and feeling 2cms tall!! If only there was a cure, a medium hmm

Remus said:

As for confidence and being outgoing, its a mask, something that can be learned, I managed it by my freind teaching me sales techniques and the art of conversation allso confidence building...

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Can you give us some hints and tips about the art of conversation and sales techniques?

My lack of ability to sustain conversations is a central part of my SA. I am often fine at starting conversations and am sometimes reasonably comfortable with approaching strangers and offering an opening line or two, but always aware that I can't sustain conversations, so tend to avoid starting them in the first place.

I've read bits and bobs about the sort of things to say (eg. ask the other person questions about themselves, their family, work, hobbies), but if they don't say much, I dry up pretty soon, or it turns into an uncomfortable session of 20 questions, with no natural flow to the conversation.

Perhaps learning sales techniques helps? But I don't know what these techniques are, so any advice appreciated.

sorry pitkreet I can't help u there.

I s'pose that u cud let the other person lead the convo when interacting... thats what I try to do.... i struggle with that myself at times tho.

Freesyle- i find myself in similar sitautions.... its pretty widespread.... it's just that some people are more comfortable with admitting it than others
where as some ppl try to deny it or cover it up.