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Old 03-14-2016

Hi there. I posted a few weeks ago regarding my obsessive thoughts and got great advice/support. One of my most sickening obsessions involves me becoming a pedophile. This has in the past been coupled with groinal responses. Recognizing it as an obsession has worked wonders with me, and for the last few months it has become less and less powerful. However, also in the last few weeks I have taken up looking at porn (something I personally find morally wrong and a habit I wish to break). The porn I watch is always of adults and I steer clear of anything that even remotely resembles what my brain obsesses over.
In any event I find that sometimes when watching porn my obsessions float around in the background and sometimes come to the forefront in the form of images of children. This is extremely bothersome to me, especially because it happens when I am legitimately aroused. However, the thoughts are not strong enough to stop me from watching or masturbating.
Afterwards I always fear that somehow those thoughts are being "plugged in" to my orgasms and that feeds into my fear. It has also led to a relapse of groinal responses which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't want to go back to the times when my obsessions were more powerful.
I know I will get through this like I have in the past, but in the meantime I was wondering if anyone in the community has had similar experiences and has any advice to cope with them. Thank you so much and sorry for the long post.
Mosesman is offline  
Old 03-14-2016
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These things are called Intrusive Thoughts and usually seen with people with OCD. I have same problem as you but not that much sexual. For me, i involutary say rude things like cursing people eventhough i don't have any problems with them or know them - their just random strangers. I think anxiety triggers it.

Also, i have a theory that people with my type of intrusives thoughts usually have a fear that people can read their minds. Almost all reports i've seen they always said they have fear of people reading their minds. I always feel like people can literally read my mind when i think something negative about them. OP do you persistent fear of people reading your mind?
Moses199 is offline  
Old 03-14-2016

Not in a direct way, no, but I have experienced something similar to that. It makes sense with obsessive thoughts because their not something you'd want someone else to "see".
Mosesman is offline  
Old 03-16-2016

Hey, sorry you are having tough times. It is interesting how OCD sufferers share the same problems, because that was exactly what I was going through back then. The images interfered even when I was in orgasm and it made me freak out because isn't that supposed to be where your animal self should come out, if the images come then I should be secretly guilty. That was my fear especially but the brain is always active and you fear something, you will see it even in orgasm. And before it was only a thought, I obsessed over it and got groinal responses and it escalated. Weird thing is I really like girls but I do not have groinal responses when I just see them around but when I used to see whatever I was afraid of at that moment, I got groinal responses. Even there you can see I was wired to that response because of fear and to check myself, not other things.

For me it first involved men because I was afraid of being gay, whatever happens if you become gay anyway, then turned to children for a short time, and was very disturbing but then I started wanting religious comfort and prayer, etc, and THEN the images stopped being children and turned into religious figures, because that was the biggest sin. In time I understood I will just see what I fear to see, and it will just feed on my fear. And if I fear it then I am not really wanting any of it. It then gradually became easier and finally dissipated. I can't really pinpoint if this was the exact reason I got rid of OCD because I was dealing with other OCD issues as well like the user above, cursing etc, and lighter problems like continiously checking if I turned off the gas, so I was trying a lot of methods and just living my life not letting them bother me, but this certainly helped a lot. You will get over it, too especially if you already were better before.

If you haven't checked them out, there are also OCD specific forums by the way, with great advice in it.
TheNomad is offline  
Old 03-20-2016

Thank you very much for your feedback and support. I think one of the most reassuring and curative things for dealing with these issues is to know that you aren't alone in your struggles. Your experiences mirror mine in many ways, as my obsessions also started off with the fear of being gay and then evolved from there and the religious part too. Thanks again for the help. God bless.
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