Alone in so many ways

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I am alone when I'm by myself. But not as alone when with others. Social anxiety disorder is a slow cruel death. I try to stay positive but I'm just lieing to myself. I have to whatch video's of places like North Korea so I can try to feel lucky for what I have. But I just feel worse for those people suffering and angery there are such evil greedy people outthere. I finely was able to tell my doctor I have s.a.d. But I don't think he understands the severity I suffer from it. He was obligated to ask if I was suicidel. I told no like he was crazy for asking but the truth is I think about it every day and have for as long as I can remember. Its weird because I think about it at times you would not think someone would about it. Like when having fun. I guess I haven't done it because I don't know if there is a afterlife or not but if there is it might be worse than this life. I hope no body else knows what I mean because then you know how it feels.
 
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Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
Maybe you should have admitted that you did have those thoughts. Might as well face it, since it's your current reality. Try to work on your self-esteem through exercise and the right books (I can name a few, but you really have to open your mind and spirit to what they 'teach'), doing more things around the house, going for a walk in the morning, doing some volunteer work, etc. Remember to focus on others when you're with them, and show interest in what they're saying. The more time you spend not paying attention to the ramblings of your own mind, the less time you spend growing and living.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
Sacrament said:
Maybe you should have admitted that you did have those thoughts. Might as well face it, since it's your current reality. Try to work on your self-esteem through exercise and the right books (I can name a few, but you really have to open your mind and spirit to what they 'teach'), doing more things around the house, going for a walk in the morning, doing some volunteer work, etc. Remember to focus on others when you're with them, and show interest in what they're saying. The more time you spend not paying attention to the ramblings of your own mind, the less time you spend growing and living.
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If these things worked I would be "cured" by now.

They can help improve your life in a number of ways, but I doubt they'll change the way the OP interacts and feels with other people.
 
Sacrament

Sacrament

Well-known member
The same way negative thoughts and patterns evolve, it's also true the other way around (again, unless you have more serious conditions, such as depression, schizophrenia, etc).
 
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sorrow1

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Prolonged exposure to social situations is the only real fighting chance you have of making any progress with this condition. Its the only way you can develop your social skills. Counselling and meds are only good ways of helping you cope but not cures.
Anyone can improve their social skills, its like anything practise makes perfect, you may never ever be the worlds most charismatic person but you can make progress in your own way and make things better for yourself.
The advice sacrament has suggested is good advice, like you say its not a cure but it will help you feel more motivated to change things in your life and help you cope better when things don't go your way.
It helped me a great deal. Take things in little steps and remember sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. It did for me, but try to not give up at the first hurdle and think too negatively when things don't go well. Feel positive and proud of the fact that you tried something different and forced yourself to do something you normally wouldn't do. Even if its something small, you can build on it and think to yourself. Would anyone else suffering from this have been able to do it?
Learn from your mistakes and keep trying. Its a long slow process and I myself am not totally cured, I still have many anxieties and insecurities but they manifest themselves much less often and much less severely than they once did and I owe it all to taking a chance and forcing myself into situations.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
sorrow1 said:
Prolonged exposure to social situations is the only real fighting chance you have of making any progress with this condition. Its the only way you can develop your social skills. Counselling and meds are only good ways of helping you cope but not cures.
Anyone can improve their social skills, its like anything practise makes perfect, you may never ever be the worlds most charismatic person but you can make progress in your own way and make things better for yourself.
The advice sacrament has suggested is good advice, like you say its not a cure but it will help you feel more motivated to change things in your life and help you cope better when things don't go your way.
It helped me a great deal. Take things in little steps and remember sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. It did for me, but try to not give up at the first hurdle and think too negatively when things don't go well. Feel positive and proud of the fact that you tried something different and forced yourself to do something you normally wouldn't do. Even if its something small, you can build on it and think to yourself. Would anyone else suffering from this have been able to do it?
Learn from your mistakes and keep trying. Its a long slow process and I myself am not totally cured, I still have many anxieties and insecurities but they manifest themselves much less often and much less severely than they once did and I owe it all to taking a chance and forcing myself into situations.
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Have you ever heard of CBT? CBT, especially in a group therapy program for SA, has been found to be particularly helpful in reducing symptoms of SA by changing the way your thinking patterns work and thus getting your behavior to realign with your new neural pathways. It does much more than just help you cope with SA. Talk therapy does nothing for SA and meds are debatable and only go so far, but CBT has been proven time and again. Simply facing your fear (exposure/behavioral therapy) often simply DOES NOT WORK for most people. Either that, or it takes many, many years.

Look, I - like many - worked with people 8 hours a day at work and tried to make small talk. It never got beyond that with most people and by the time I left I still was getting very nervous around them and dealing witg customers. I've been "facing my fears" - placing myself in social interactions I fear - since about 16 or 17 years old. I'm now 24 and while I'm no longer a mute as I once was, I can still hardly function socially and have no friends (just acquaintances).

This is helpful in reiterating what I've said: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/why-behavioral-therapy-alone-does-not-work-social-anxiety

There is more hope than just having to put up with the fear and feel horrible for years and years with slow, possibly minimal progress. The Social Anxiety Institute has what looks like a great program created by a former social phobe, but there are other therapy groups fpr SA that are CBT-based. Facing your fear just
isn't the solution and I'm tired of hearing people say it.
 
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sorrow1

Well-known member
Opaline said:
Have you ever heard of CBT? CBT, especially in a group therapy program for SA, has been found to be particularly helpful in reducing symptoms of SA by changing the way your thinking patterns work and thus getting your behavior to realign with your new neural pathways. It does much more than just help you cope with SA. Talk therapy does nothing for SA and meds are debatable and only go so far, but CBT has been proven time and again. Simply facing your fear (exposure/behavioral therapy) often simply DOES NOT WORK for most people. Either that, or it takes many, many years.

Look, I - like many - worked with people 8 hours a day at work and tried to make small talk. It never got beyond that with most people and by the time I left I still was getting very nervous around them and dealing witg customers. I've been "facing my fears" - placing myself in social interactions I fear - since about 16 or 17 years old. I'm now 24 and while I'm no longer a mute as I once was, I can still hardly function socially and have no friends (just acquaintances).

This is helpful in reiterating what I've said: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/why-behavioral-therapy-alone-does-not-work-social-anxiety

There is more hope than just having to put up with the fear and feel horrible for years and years with slow, possibly minimal progress. The Social Anxiety Institute has what looks like a great program created by a former social phobe, but there are other therapy groups fpr SA that are CBT-based. Facing your fear just
isn't the solution and I'm tired of hearing people say it.
Click to expand...

I have never heard of it if I am being honest but I am open to trying new things and I shall have a read about it. I perhaps should not have said it is the only way to progress your condition its merely a solution that worked for me. And if its worked for me its is worth trying. People only say it works and offer it as a solution because it has worked for them but everyone is different, what works for some does not for others.
You say you have exposed yourself in the past, I have many times and certain jobs and social groups made things worse or certainly weren't helping my situation. I changed jobs many times though because of this and moved to different parts of the country. Perhaps its a luxury not a lot of people have if they have ties to one place but I moved and did something else when it wasn't working, a fresh start and eventually found a job and people who made my situation easier.
Hanging around the same people who you don't click with or aren't understanding to your condition will probably never work no matter how long you stick at it. But there are nice people out there if you look for them who can pull you a long and improve your situation.
 
Diend

Diend

Well-known member
Have you considered eating healthy? Maybe you just need a friend to relate to, to trust or to talk to. i know for me, my outlook changed completely when i started hanging out with a friend of mine who respected me and accepted me. I know mental illness can be more complicated than that. You can talk to me if you have no one to talk to.
 
YellowBird

YellowBird

Well-known member
i feel suicidal the most unexpected moments too,i hope there isn't an afterlife,with my luck,i'd be as lonely and bored as i am now.it feels like i'm already dead without my grave-my home,you know?
 
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