Agoraphobic

Blueshadow

Blueshadow

New member
I'm ashamed to admit that I'm completely housebound at this point. I'm in pretty bad shape emotionally. It's like a long downward cycle that has spanned more than 15 years now. Before that I would stay in months at a time and then venture out. With me it's likely the result of abuse and also autism which carries with it social problems, communication problems, sensory problems. It has gotten to that point for me, whether I can keep living this way. There are so many problems and I don't fit in anywhere. I'm an artist and have a very significant talent. I have been abused most of my life because of my vulnerabilities. I have a lot of pride and it's hard to admit I have been victimized as well. It seems unfair that life can hand out that many lemons to one person. My childhood was a battleground of cruelty and abuse. I'm still alive but don't know what it's worth to me.

I'm not communicating as well as I could. Depression has taken over. If there are others here like me, I hope maybe to get to know you. As hard as that is to know someone else like myself, because I know how painful it is.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Blueshadow said:
I'm ashamed to admit that I'm completely housebound at this point. I'm in pretty bad shape emotionally. It's like a long downward cycle that has spanned more than 15 years now. Before that I would stay in months at a time and then venture out. With me it's likely the result of abuse and also autism which carries with it social problems, communication problems, sensory problems. It has gotten to that point for me, whether I can keep living this way. There are so many problems and I don't fit in anywhere. I'm an artist and have a very significant talent. I have been abused most of my life because of my vulnerabilities. I have a lot of pride and it's hard to admit I have been victimized as well. It seems unfair that life can hand out that many lemons to one person. My childhood was a battleground of cruelty and abuse. I'm still alive but don't know what it's worth to me.

I'm not communicating as well as I could. Depression has taken over. If there are others here like me, I hope maybe to get to know you. As hard as that is to know someone else like myself, because I know how painful it is.
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You're not alone, Blueshadow, I can relate to everything you said, except the abuse. How old are you, Blueshadow, if you don't mind me asking?

I'm 20 years old. I've been stuggling with depression and agoraphobia since I was 12 years old - that's my self-diagnosis now that I look back on what I was like at age 12. I'm also an artist but self-doubt hold me back for fulfilling my potential as an artist - sometimes I don't think I'm good enough.

I also don't feel like I fit in anywhere either, not matter how hard I try to, I just can't - that's why high-school was pretty much unbearable for me. So much so that left at age 17 because of too much pressure from my parents and teachers. I've been pretty much housebound for the last 3 years now. Anyway, just so you know, you're not the only one struggling with Agoraphobia and the things related to it.
 
Blueshadow

Blueshadow

New member
Graeme6630, you do sound very much like me. Sweetheart I'm more than half your age. I really think you should look into getting evaluated for autism. It sounds like it coud be a very real possibility and if you can get an early diagnosis, you wouldn't end up like me. I've only discovered my autism in recent years. Once you become entrenched too deeply, it's very hard to get over it. You're still young enough and if you found the understanding you need to explain the difficulties better then you can better find ways to connect with those who share those problems as well and feel less alone. I bet you're a really good artist, just as I am, and like me don't have that confidence that is needed.

You sound like a very wonderful person and I do think there's a good chance you may have perhaps High Functioning Autism or Asperger Syndrome. If you haven't already, look into the traits and characteristics and see if it applies to you. A diagnosis is also very important in getting the help and resources one needs as well

Thank you for sharing. It is good to know one isn't alone.
 
Blueshadow

Blueshadow

New member
What I meant to say is I'm more than twice your age. I'm an old bird compared to you and am not too proud to still be where I am.

Thank you Sweetheart, you're a gem.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Blueshadow said:
I'm more than twice your age.
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Oh, okay, Blueshadow

Blueshadow said:
You sound like a very wonderful person and I do think there's a good chance you may have perhaps High Functioning Autism or Asperger Syndrome. If you haven't already, look into the traits and characteristics and see if it applies to you. A diagnosis is also very important in getting the help and resources one needs as well.
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I've been thinking about that, recently. I think I might have Asperger Syndrome, though I'm not 100% sure.

Blueshadow said:
Thank you for sharing. It is good to know one isn't alone.
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No problem.
 
Blueshadow

Blueshadow

New member
If you would like to talk about the experiences around agoraphobia, I'd be more than happy to talk with you. I'm 48 years old. Not that old but as compared to someone who is 20 it does seem like ancient history. I don't feel that old in spirit but maybe just embarrassed that I haven't been able to improve before now. I wouldn't in any way want to discourage you by the duration of my "illness" you might say. There's aways hope. Some days are harder than others. I was 20 once too and it doesn't seem that long ago. I don't want you to feel alone and if there's anything I can do in terms of listening or sharing, I would be more than happy to communicate with you. I also struggled with those problems in childhood as well and understand very well what you're going through. Let me know if you'd like to talk at all.
 
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