A bully from my childhood just died

Barry1723

Barry1723

New member
It happened last week and I'm ashamed to admit it but when I first heard the news I was very happy. Once the joy wore off I looked up the website of the funeral home where his wake will be held and I found a memorial video for him. When I started watching it I felt bad for feeling happy about his death but when the pictures got to the age I remember him and I saw the same kid who made my life hell for the years I knew him laughing and having a happy life it brought back so much hatred for him.

Now I feel conflicted, this was about 20 years ago and I've hated him ever since but I feel bad about that.
I know I should get over it but he and people like him made my life miserable throughout most of my school life until the 12th grade where they just ignored me. How can I forget something like that when I'm still suffering the effects to some degree to this day?
I realize I'm not blameless in my failures in life but I also can't help but wonder what kind of person I would have become if I hadn't been bullied and lost any self esteem I might have had when I was a kid.
 
bitingthepea

bitingthepea

Well-known member
hey
so sorry to hear
a similair thing happened to me.
There wasa girl at school who i just didnt see eye to eye with at all !
Then in the summer i recived a text saying shed bin hit by a lorry and died, i felt awful not becuase shes died but because i didnt have any feelings for her death and i couldnt bring myself to go to the funeral even tho all ofmy friends did
But seeing a memorial video hits home for some rason..... i think the best thing u can do is try to block the memorys out somehow and its not your fault its a real bad thing thats happened
im not the best at giving advice at all
but if you feel you cant cope get someone to talk to =] medical or even a friend
 
kt2222

kt2222

Active member
i totally agree that you must feel so conflicted but i would try and move on and maybe draw a line under the death.

i also think that children are very cruel spitful and bullys are usually the cowards.

However i have a great friend who i would almost call a unbiological sister. i will put in bluntly she was the biggest bitch in school scared the shit out of most people including me and made most peoples life a living hell.
15 years later she is the most considerate compassionate person would do anything for anyone.. works with disabled children and does a boody good job has a heart of gold her child is the most polite caring little one i have ever met.
My point being she doesnt deserve any forgiveness for what she did.. but then on the flip side her life her attitude is nothing like it was 15 years ago.
if she was to die tomorrow her past crimes would have no relavence today im not saying all bullys turn a new leaf.. but to say that this person should rot in hell is to strong
 
Smokeringz

Smokeringz

Well-known member
fuck him barry. people die, its only normal to feel some kind of revenge happines at the sound of his death. All natural bro.
 
Barry1723

Barry1723

New member
kt2222 said:
i totally agree that you must feel so conflicted but i would try and move on and maybe draw a line under the death.

i also think that children are very cruel spitful and bullys are usually the cowards.

However i have a great friend who i would almost call a unbiological sister. i will put in bluntly she was the biggest bitch in school scared the shit out of most people including me and made most peoples life a living hell.
15 years later she is the most considerate compassionate person would do anything for anyone.. works with disabled children and does a boody good job has a heart of gold her child is the most polite caring little one i have ever met.
My point being she doesnt deserve any forgiveness for what she did.. but then on the flip side her life her attitude is nothing like it was 15 years ago.
if she was to die tomorrow her past crimes would have no relavence today im not saying all bullys turn a new leaf.. but to say that this person should rot in hell is to strong
Click to expand...

That's a good point. From what I can tell about his life after I knew him, it sounds like he was a decent person. Then again, I'm getting this from his memorial and everyone looks like a saint in a memorial.
But even if he was a good person, I still feel that he took some of my confidence and used it for himself so all those good deeds he did may have been things I could have done if I hadn't been broken by his constant teasing.

Of course, I don't think he deserves to burn in Hell. I do hope he has to answer for what he did to me and others in some way though.
 
theblank

theblank

Well-known member
Barry1723 said:
How can I forget something like that when I'm still suffering the effects to some degree to this day? I realize I'm not blameless in my failures in life but I also can't help but wonder what kind of person I would have become if I hadn't been bullied and lost any self esteem I might have had when I was a kid.
Click to expand...

When I was in first grade I was bullied by a kid much bigger and a year older than me on the playground. It brought me to tears and I never forgot the damage he did to me. Fast forward to when I was in 11th grade and hadn't seen him since that incident. One day he mysteriously appeared in my karate class and my instructor paired us together to spar. I seriously doubt he even remembered me and I never let on that we had a past together. I'd love to say that I knocked him out and that's the end of the story, but that's not what happened. I fought him as hard as I could and once again he got the best of me...this time he caught me with a solid right hook across the face and before I could hit him back my instructor stopped our session. So that left me in a position where I was defeated by him when I was six AND when I was sixteen. I felt so humiliated and angry. I never saw him again so I never had another chance to get back at him. That left me with a decision to make...hold on to my anger and let it get the best of me or FORGIVE HIM and let it go. I chose the latter and that's what I encourage you to do too.
 
jayo

jayo

Well-known member
If you have died and he was looking through that website and found details of your death would he feel conflicted and regret - I don't think so.

He will now have to answer to a higher power for those sins. :D
 
JonnyD

JonnyD

Well-known member
its just human, don't feel ashamed.
believeme there are persons that would do the same about you, you can't hope to amuse everybody!

and i'm rather say that i don't care if X or Y died, the feel a fake grief about their death!

you're just human and you felt good by being relieved of a burden.

I don't believe that's karma i belive that bullie kids are more likely to die like this... it's the cold true.
 
LonelyLeaf

LonelyLeaf

Well-known member
Let go of it, it's not doing you any good. Children are children. They don't know what they are doing..you have to forgive your bully or you'll never move on. He had his reasons for what he did, probably insecure himself..it's past, forget and forgive..the fact that you feel guilty about laughing at his death shows that you have compassion for the fellow. You feel sorry for him. That's good. It's only human to forgive people. I just hope this guy felt guilty too about what he did to you..
 
Neph

Neph

Well-known member
i would feel bad if my past childhood bully were to die, since it was more or less a relationship with another human being

which is what one part of me would say but

i honestly would feel kind of happy since those people had no retraint or empathy to how i had felt (depends on how severe that relationsip was really) so i really wouldnt loose much sleep if it did happen
 
StiinR

StiinR

New member
Well it isn't your fault you are happy.
Maybe you would be happier if you forgive and let go.
You can't stay in the past. And if u tell me that i don't know. Then you know what, i know. I lived through hell.
But i forgave them. It made myself feel happier.
Don't stay in the past. Move on. Its your life not theirs.
Couse if you are smarter than them. And you have big hard. Big enough to forget those sleepless nights and painful days, you already are a winner. And life will give you back what you have lost. And in the end your bullies will be sorry, jealous and mad at themselves because their outstanding years stayed at school but you survived and are better than them:)

I hope you understand me.
 
playthepsychedelic

playthepsychedelic

Well-known member
jayo said:
If you have died and he was looking through that website and found details of your death would he feel conflicted and regret - I don't think so.
Click to expand...

are u sure :? ...
I think he would be probably even more conflicted than you would...
He'd feel guilty for making your short life a hell...
When I used to be bullied I always thought about how it would be to jump out of a window right and in front of my bullies, screaming: "you see? that's what you've done!! this is all your and only your fault!!!"
:oops: ah, fantasy
 
U

ultraqq

Guest
Hello.

I think it's natural to feel what you feel. You know, whenever anybody dies and there's a funeral, the priest always gives a speech about how good that person was and how much we're gonna miss him, and so on. Everybody is expected to be sad, no matter how big of an asshole the person might have been.

So yes, I'd say don't be ashamed - instead, see that you're feeling relief , revel in that and enjoy it.
 
Alienated

Alienated

Well-known member
I remember when I was a kid, there was this horrible gang that terrorized me. I got kicked in the nads everyday, spit on, perfume throw on me, etc...

Then I heard about 10 years later the leader got blown away by the cops while robbing a 7-11. I guess they pushed a silent alarm and they shot him point blank in the chest with 12 guage while coming out...And I was happy about that....

Then my brother was murdered in a hit and run.... It changed my view on life... It's more than the people that die, they have families too that suffer.
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
theblank said:
When I was in first grade I was bullied by a kid much bigger and a year older than me on the playground. It brought me to tears and I never forgot the damage he did to me. Fast forward to when I was in 11th grade and hadn't seen him since that incident. One day he mysteriously appeared in my karate class and my instructor paired us together to spar. I seriously doubt he even remembered me and I never let on that we had a past together. I'd love to say that I knocked him out and that's the end of the story, but that's not what happened. I fought him as hard as I could and once again he got the best of me...this time he caught me with a solid right hook across the face and before I could hit him back my instructor stopped our session. So that left me in a position where I was defeated by him when I was six AND when I was sixteen. I felt so humiliated and angry. I never saw him again so I never had another chance to get back at him. That left me with a decision to make...hold on to my anger and let it get the best of me or FORGIVE HIM and let it go. I chose the latter and that's what I encourage you to do too.
Click to expand...

Good post! Sounds like he wasn't bullying you the second time around but it still sucks that you didn't get the best of him. Just goes to show, life is rarely like the movies. I totally agree with choosing to forgive and let it go.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top