I used to have a real problem with receiving compliments, my self image was so poor that I thought that anyone who paid me a compliment was wrong or crazy or something, and I could be quite defensive and rude. It took me a long time to work out that this was not the right response - someone got quite angry with me once and I still had a hard time working it out.
I was really lucky and had a friend who was good at giving compliments, she would always say the positive things she was thinking about people and I got more used to it and have learned how to take compliments now. Also I have had people tell me pretty much exactly what I should say and do when I receive a compliment (since I was so crap at it I guess), and that has been really useful.
For those that are curious: things it is good to do when you get a compliment.
Say "thank you" or "I really appreciate that" or "really, oh thank you, I'm glad you liked it" or something along those lines.
Have a pre-prepared phrase like this in case you do get paid a compliment.
While it isn't compulsary, looking slightly embarrassed (or even really embarrassed or blushing scarlet) it quite ok when someoen gives you a compliment.
You don't have to pay a compliment back, that is unnecessary to my mind.
Things not to do include:
(when someone says you are pretty) tell them that they need glasses (I really did this once. :? )
Disagree with them "no actually, I'm crap".
Point out some other perceived fault in yourself "sure my hair is ok, but I have a horrible body".
Insult them.
I get compliments related to my work, that I'm really helpful, a good critical thinker, that I'm really knowledgable. I know that I am good at what I do, although my enjoyment of work has been affected by my stress at interacting with the people I work with.
I get compliments related to my singing and dancing. I know I'm good at those too.
I don't generally get compliments that I'm attractive/ sexy etc. One of my friends once said that it was "one of the mysteries of the universe" that I could be single, which was a compliment tied into "I think there is something wrong but I can't put my finger on it and you won't tell me". I seldom get compliments from men because I find it so difficult to interact with them except if we stick to only discussing work. Men giving me compliments can make me panic, or at least quite nervous (although I am a lot better than I used to be).
Although receiving compliments has been a source of anxiety to me, I feel like I need people to say nice things to me to stop my ego disappearing without trace. A few years ago when I started keeping a diary I resolved to use it not to moan, but to record positive things. One of the things that I do is that when I receive compliments I write them down in my diary.
Then when I feel low I can go back and read them again and get the benefit all over again - without the stress of having to interact with the person giving the compliment.
I highly recommend this strategy. I find it great.
MartinC3 - good idea for a thread.
