TheFortuneTeller
Member
There are something that really get me down, there's one song that does that and there's some "lines" that do the same.
So there's one girl I'm so in love with. She isn't attractive or the best looking like other girls, but after being friends with her for some years now I know that she's my type and I've thought she's pretty. I've been interested in her for over a year but because of my past experiances and fears I hadn't said anything. so it hurts me everytime I'm either on the phone or chatting with my best friend who lives far far away because I don't want to lose my only friend who I've fallen in love with.
Only recently I've been seriously thinking of talking to her about it and I know i'm not infatuated because I've seen the difference.
This is the second girl I honestly can say I love. The first was also my bestfriend who I rarly even have seen or talked with in a while. But I've never had a girlfriend so maybe my inexperiance is wrong. I've been infatuated with other girls but then why do I feel so strongly for someone I have wanted to push aside so that we're friends but still I'd constantly think about every day. And I know I can trust her, something I couldn't with other girls other than both my best friends.
Now my problem is that things were sort of great, because I actually feel happy when we chat about just plain old stuff. I've had SA for my whole life and when I think of this girl it's like it never existed. I teach in a college but what helps me get over the anxiety is because I'm in love with this one person.
But for few weeks we hadn't chatted. Then two mornings ago I called her up just because I wanted to talk to her and the fact that I had an identity crisis for the past week and I needed someone to talk to, which was a good thing because she didn't care about who I was. So that day was great. Then one of my best buddies called up because we hadn't talked in a while and it came up then I felt a bit down when he said he finally has a girlfriend again that he can trust.
Well yesturday I thought I'd send an offline message to this girl just asking if she's ever online again. Later on she did reply and we chatted but it didn't feel like other times.
Anyway just before I was planning to leave work I remembered there's a banquet I may go to over at the University she's at, she's been with me to it once so I figured I'd invite her to go with me again. I had invited her before also for previously, but twice she wasn't able to come because of some family functions. Well she confessed that she found the banquet boring the first time. But she did think that there was one guy that was cute.
So I went back to my work and later on came and said "so you think that guy is cute" and she replied with her usual 'don't get me started you bart' reply. And then I said "What, am I not cute enough for you?"
Then she said one of those lines I despise the most: "I'm not your Type"
It's only been said twice but then there's this awkward silence in my head. I replied with an "Awww
" and then there's this long silence and neither one of us said anyting.
That moment I wanted to go home and I was trying to finish the tiny bit of work left but one of my previous students walked in and talked with me.
Eventually she said "brb" about half an hour later, and about half an hour later I said "I'm going home now", "later". turned off and went home.
I haven't felt this missarable in a long time. For the second time in my life in over five years I hear this from a best friend. And thankfully today is my day off, so I got to be my abnormal self.
Firstly I still haven't been able to figure out what "I'm not your type" means. Back when my best friend earlier said it, it was my torment but it also shaped me to become something better that I would never have been if I wasn't wondering what 'type' means.
So what does "I'm not your type" mean?
Next I'm thinking of honestly talking to my best friend about it, because I've been intentionally hiding my self from eveyone giving everyone the different picture of me, but this girl knows I've been doing that so how can she even think that I'm some type when I've never revealed all about myself. She has no idea about how scared I am about what I go through, she has no idea about all the things I like, she doesn't really even know me because I never let anyone. But she does know me alot more than anyone else.
This is where I say "I Don't Know Anymore". Because I for once feel like I can't get over or hide any of my weaknesses. I really don't know.
So there's one girl I'm so in love with. She isn't attractive or the best looking like other girls, but after being friends with her for some years now I know that she's my type and I've thought she's pretty. I've been interested in her for over a year but because of my past experiances and fears I hadn't said anything. so it hurts me everytime I'm either on the phone or chatting with my best friend who lives far far away because I don't want to lose my only friend who I've fallen in love with.
Only recently I've been seriously thinking of talking to her about it and I know i'm not infatuated because I've seen the difference.
This is the second girl I honestly can say I love. The first was also my bestfriend who I rarly even have seen or talked with in a while. But I've never had a girlfriend so maybe my inexperiance is wrong. I've been infatuated with other girls but then why do I feel so strongly for someone I have wanted to push aside so that we're friends but still I'd constantly think about every day. And I know I can trust her, something I couldn't with other girls other than both my best friends.
Now my problem is that things were sort of great, because I actually feel happy when we chat about just plain old stuff. I've had SA for my whole life and when I think of this girl it's like it never existed. I teach in a college but what helps me get over the anxiety is because I'm in love with this one person.
But for few weeks we hadn't chatted. Then two mornings ago I called her up just because I wanted to talk to her and the fact that I had an identity crisis for the past week and I needed someone to talk to, which was a good thing because she didn't care about who I was. So that day was great. Then one of my best buddies called up because we hadn't talked in a while and it came up then I felt a bit down when he said he finally has a girlfriend again that he can trust.
Well yesturday I thought I'd send an offline message to this girl just asking if she's ever online again. Later on she did reply and we chatted but it didn't feel like other times.
Anyway just before I was planning to leave work I remembered there's a banquet I may go to over at the University she's at, she's been with me to it once so I figured I'd invite her to go with me again. I had invited her before also for previously, but twice she wasn't able to come because of some family functions. Well she confessed that she found the banquet boring the first time. But she did think that there was one guy that was cute.
So I went back to my work and later on came and said "so you think that guy is cute" and she replied with her usual 'don't get me started you bart' reply. And then I said "What, am I not cute enough for you?"
Then she said one of those lines I despise the most: "I'm not your Type"
It's only been said twice but then there's this awkward silence in my head. I replied with an "Awww
" and then there's this long silence and neither one of us said anyting. That moment I wanted to go home and I was trying to finish the tiny bit of work left but one of my previous students walked in and talked with me.
Eventually she said "brb" about half an hour later, and about half an hour later I said "I'm going home now", "later". turned off and went home.
I haven't felt this missarable in a long time. For the second time in my life in over five years I hear this from a best friend. And thankfully today is my day off, so I got to be my abnormal self.
Firstly I still haven't been able to figure out what "I'm not your type" means. Back when my best friend earlier said it, it was my torment but it also shaped me to become something better that I would never have been if I wasn't wondering what 'type' means.
So what does "I'm not your type" mean?
Next I'm thinking of honestly talking to my best friend about it, because I've been intentionally hiding my self from eveyone giving everyone the different picture of me, but this girl knows I've been doing that so how can she even think that I'm some type when I've never revealed all about myself. She has no idea about how scared I am about what I go through, she has no idea about all the things I like, she doesn't really even know me because I never let anyone. But she does know me alot more than anyone else.
This is where I say "I Don't Know Anymore". Because I for once feel like I can't get over or hide any of my weaknesses. I really don't know.
