You gotta stop this people

[steve111]

I am new here. And i have been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. With this disorder comes a slew of other disorders like depression, alcoholism, SA, OCD and such. I suffered for about 10 years. But i cured myself..

In line with the infamous 'twowords' and his post, i have to take the same stand. I read here alot of people that seem to project the fact that SA is an illness.... It is not an illness. It is not something you have to live with.... It is something that can easily be ridden of with proper techniques and changes. Some people will argue about chemical imbalances and such... Of course you have a chemical imbalance. That's what fear does to the brain.

What if you were afraid of spiders? Would that be an illness? no... Could that fear be eliminated? yes... and easily too. Same thing with SA...

You have one shot at this life. Don't need to live in fear....

 

[Anonymous]

You have a point EXCEPT...

Social phobia IS an illness. Phobias are, by definition, irrational fears that rise to the level of pathology. Curable? Sure, in many instances. But it is *most definitely* an illness. Check out the DSM-IV.

 

[steve111]

Here is the dsm-iv definition:

Social phobia is shyness, broadly speaking. But the disorder can also manifest itself as the cause of alcoholism (alcohol eases the pain of social interaction), eating disorders, and an obsessive concern with body partsthe feeling, say, that one's breasts or eyes or penis are inordinately large and that all the world is watching. Marshall, a professor of psychiatry, first explores what may be the primitive origins of social phobia: the need for some members of a group to seem retiring in order to survive. Then he discusses cases: the physically powerful man who can barely bring himself to speak; the ardent feminist who cannot, physically, assert herself; and the actress who panics before a performance. More universally, still, Marshall examines those seemingly ordinary, but often crippling, cases of people who are afraid to give oral presentations, talk to supervisors, or ask for datesor even make left turns, because pausing at a stoplight causes the drivers behind to be delayed and brings the socially phobic driver under an imagined scrutiny. The happy news is that social phobia can be successfully treated most of the time, with cognitive and exposure therapies;

 

[steve111]

Also, you must realize that SA is simply irrational fears you have. Once you have discovered and fully understood this, the only thing left is to take charge and go at it head on.

You will find that, once you are cured, that it was not that difficult in the first place.

 

[Anonymous]

My only quibble, Steve, is that you seem to be minimizing the problem. Delusional thinking is VERY tough to break. It's even harder when that thinking triggers definitie physical symptoms. It's harder still when one gets definite physical symptoms yet doesn't realize their source.

The fact is that persons who can say "I have SP" (like those who use this site, those in treatment, and those seeking treatment) are ALREADY halfway to a cure-- these folks can see your argument; some will quibble with it (like me! ) and some will agree and others will disagree.

Two years ago, your statements would have made no sense to me at all. Why? Because I had NO IDEA that SP was my issue. I knew I had issues, but...

Half the time I was having problems and would never have labeled it as "fear" or "anxiety"... it was just "me".

Kudos to you though for making a point without writing "F***".

 

[Anonymous]

If it was so easy to get rid of sa,why do you think so many people have it??(A few million in this country alone)
It isn't fun,obviously-and it's not "being stupid" either!
I'm all for trying ones best to work on the problem and not giving up-but saying "you gotta stop this people" implies that its some silly little habit -and that its our own fault for not stopping it,which is almost as rude(and cold) as 'twowords' attitude.
Not everybody is the same,Steve-I'm sure it can be cured for some,even easily sometimes-every case is different though,with a completely different history,and different level of complexity and difficulty-doesn't matter if we call it disease,disorder-or whatever.
To inspire change is great,but to generalize it into something minor"to stop doing" is a put down.

 

[Anonymous]

Well I think that it is great that Steve is doing better, and that he is trying to encourage others with his success stroy, but I disagree about this not being an illness. There are measurable chemical differences in people with SA, and there are changes in the brain too. Steve is right in the fact that fear causes further changes because its a bad cycle. Because of chemical imbalance, the brain releases more chemicals. This causes changes in the brain. In response , more chemiclas are released, ect...(a very simple version of what happens but you see the point). No one would tell a diabetic or a epileptic to "get over it" or "stop it'. Mental illness deserves the same respect!
So Steve, what did you do to recover? You should be proud of yourself

 

[LilMissTragic]

Well if thats the case then lets throw the Aracnophobes in with a bunch of spiders, lock the Achluophobes in a dark room and lets stand the Catoptrophobes in a hall of mirrors!!!
If phobias were so damn easy to dispell then we'd all be cured!

 

[LilMissTragic]

As you can tell from my last post I'm angered at the people that think all people that suffer from SA can be cured in the same way. We are all different, with varying levels of SA. It takes a while to find something that works for you and yeh, sure if Steve is cured using his ways then thats great. Just remember it isn't going to help everyone.

 

[hvwarrior]

Well if thats the case then lets throw the Aracnophobes in with a bunch of spiders, lock the Achluophobes in a dark room and lets stand the Catoptrophobes in a hall of mirrors!!!
If phobias were so damn easy to dispell then we'd all be cured!

Thats a great idea... and actually thats basically how i got over my social phobia. I HAVE to go to school, theres no way around it, im there whether i want to be or not. Im surrounded by people im afraid of that i know can "hurt" me at any time if they feel like it. SO, your choices are either give in, learn how to deal with it with time, adjust to it & eventually get over the fear & maybe even like it (the situation); OR, be paranoid needlessly, always afraid, always anxious, about something that has and always will be the same. Youre not supposed to just put up with it, youre supposed to get over it. Saying its an illness is most peoples excuse for not attempting to get better, they hide behind it saying "i cant be cured cause my brain wont allow it". Thats bullshit.

Join a club, go to college, do whatever will throw you into the mix with other people. Do something that will cost you something, emotionally or physically, if you quit; right theres your motivation. Heres my example: i joined football right when i came into highschool, when i was really anxious & paranoid when it came to social situations. I wanted to quit so bad & i couldnt stand it; but if i quit i would be letting my dad down who was looking forward to getting to see me play. I would also have been looked down on as a pansy by my older brother... so i put up with the anxiety. It was hell for a while... but eventually i adjusted to the way everyone & everything worked, & now im way better off & no longer socially anxious. I even got nominated for most popular in my grade level about a week ago (didnt win but i was happy as hell to even be nominated).

One little tip when you do try to do something social: dont go in there thinking "ok, im gonna get rid of my sp". Thinking like this is a huge mistake & you will end up not acting like yourself. Social phobia should not even cross your mind. Your mindset needs to be on living life, going with the flow, & having a good time. If youre not having a good time right off the bat, dont worry about it. EVERYBODY is nervous during their first experience around new people, trust me. EVERYBODY!!!

 

[steve111]

Well if thats the case then lets throw the Aracnophobes in with a bunch of spiders, lock the Achluophobes in a dark room and lets stand the Catoptrophobes in a hall of mirrors!!!
If phobias were so damn easy to dispell then we'd all be cured!

Actually, it is that simple. A clinic in my home town offers virtual therapy to people with those types of phobia.

The way it works is that, on a daily basis, for one hour, you are subject to slow exposure to your fear and after a while, you overcome it.

With all honesty, the only people that do not get over their phobias are people that don't try hard enough, or do not have the tools to do it.

 

[Anonymous]

or do not have the tools to do it.

This is a crucial part that gets short shrift in some of the posts in this thread.

Another crucial part is that SP IS AN ILLNESS. Period. it's a fact; look it up. Denying facts undermines the rest of your arguments, so definitely fix that before you continue to spread your ideas.

If someone uses SA as an excuse to not get better, that is another issue. Whether one uses one's diabetes as an excuse to give up on life and health or as an opportunity to make themselves healthier doesn't change the fact that diabetes is a disease.

I was glad to find that SA is a disease, for it means that there is a pathology that I can rectify, as opposed to an inherent defect in my self. Thinking on eis inherently defective is much more likely to be the excuse to not get better, than is the mention of a fact like one's having SA.

Also don't forget the power of mental illness to cause delusion--something that throws all pat suggestions of "just getting over it" right out the door. You can't get over something you don't understand, don't notice consciously, don't realize the extent of, etc. You can't face your delusional thinking when you're convinced that the delusion is reality.

It's also very easy for those who have overcome these sorts of issues to forget the power of delusion and lose patience with those who still struggle with them. In fact, this proves the power of delusion; once you're over your issue, you no longer understand what it's like to have that issue. "A man who's warm can't understand a man who's freezing," as Solzhenitsyn noted.

It remains true that fears must be faced to be overcome. However, there is more to it than that--it turly is NOT that simple, as it is quite rare for a person to have a phobia and no other disorders. And as disorders often feed into each other, overly simple and pat 'solutions' tend to fail. They raise the hopes of the hapless sufferer who wants to beleive in what they're being told by the super-confident pitchman, and then leave the sufferer to suffer more when it almost inevitably fails. Then the sufferer blames him or herself, and not the too-simple one-size-fits-all 'solution.'

[Iraq is a good example of denying the complexity of a problem, going in with a too-simple 'solution', and then--suprise!--watching it fail. SA is at LEAST as recalcitrant as the insurgency, and SAers have no equivalent to the "nuclear option". If we did, this thread would be moot. ]

The good intentions are obvious, but the approach being taken is counterproductive for many.

 

[steve111]

J,

I am not suggesting a method at all. I suggested what i did to cure myself.

I did not forget what this disorder is like, nor will i ever forget. I devoted 10 years of my life to this and it has brought me in places that you could not even imagine. DO you know what its like to drink your life away in order to cope with this? Do you know what it's like to lose your family because of this? I was hooked on fear quite forcefully. But i got out of it.

I am not saying that there is a one size fits all cure. Nor to i want to debate what is an illness or not with you. All i wanted to do was to show that you can be cured.

If i would think that anxiety disorders were a disease, then i would automatically think that i am not in control of my fears. Thus can only be eliminated with meds. But, that is not the case. Everything stems from the way you think. Like it or not. You are what you think.............

 

[Anonymous]

Well, then we're obviously thinking about things differently.

As I said, the fact that it's a disease did for me what your denial if its "illnessness" does for you--it tells me that it can be rectified, whereas "how one is," one's core personality, is generally not considered changeable. I can now start to separate the "problem" from "me", blame myself less and the problem more, and attack the problem rather than attack myself. Of course, that's also been quite oversimplified, but it's the main thrust. It's actually not much at all different from your approach.

Whatever thought process fixes your problem is the one you should go with. One can't argue with success, and since you claim to have been successful at beating SA, your posts carry some weight. I simply think that you should emphasize this thinking component and entirely drop your assertion that SA is not a disease, which the majority of those with SA (and their doctors) beleive (the validity of DSM criteria is a whole other argument ) because it undermines your message and alienates a significant fraction of your audience. It appears to minimize the issue and blame the victim, regardless of whether that was your intent (and it doesn't seem to be). This is not helpful when it comes to effectively communicating your message. Trust me on this; I've been more or less in the publishing biz for over a decade.

If someone uses SA as an excuse to not try to get better, that's its own issue--it has nothing whatsoever to do with whether it is a 'disease' or not. But, being a disease, it also may not always be curable or overcome-able for everyone; to claim that it isn't by claiming that it is not a disease focuses blame on the sufferer--which is counterproductive when one speaks of mental illness.

To sum up, it's not your message, it's the telling of it that's the issue, as posts in this thread that speak of "respect" point out.

 

[LilMissTragic]

FFS....I know I'm a good person, I'm know i'm of average looks, I know i'm intelligent, I know I'm artistic, I know I'm amusing...I know all my good points as well as my bad. I've come to realise that I actually dont care what people think of me, doesn't mean I like being around them though....I've made a fool of myself on numerous occasions, laughed about it. I'm beginning to wonder if I really have SP or maybe I just dont actually like people...lol. I still get anxious, not sure why...I speak when spoken to, make jokes, look rather silly half the time but dont care....so where the hell is the anxiousness coming from????. My mind is a total blank when i'm in social situations...so how come I still get the anxiety???
Please write your answers ona postcard and send to....blah blah blah

 

[steve111]

I'm beginning to wonder if I really have SP or maybe I just dont actually like people...lol. I still get anxious, not sure why...I speak when spoken to, make jokes, look rather silly half the time but dont care....so where the hell is the anxiousness coming from????. My mind is a total blank when i'm in social situations...so how come I still get the anxiety???
Please write your answers ona postcard and send to....blah blah blah

Perhaps you are not interested in my opinion here, but what took me a long time to understand is that 'normal' people do have anxiety. And it is normal for people to experience anxiety in some social situations. Perhaps that is what is happening to you. Also, being anxiety free does not necessarily mean that you have to love people....

 

[Crimefish]

i seem to be thinking oh ffs go away.

Hehehehe. Yeah, I can relate to your whole post.

 

[Anonymous]

she like...seems to enjoy spending time and making small talk with people and i seem to be thinking oh ffs go away. i have a short attention span where other people are concerned. im not arrogant or conceited. maybe im just impatient? i find im intimidated by people initially but often when i get to know them i dont find them so impressive, but...i just still avoid all social contact as much as i can. its very weird. ? usually i become fond of people in small doses after ive gotten really used to them.

I'm like this, a lot. I bore easily and tire of people quickly. It's like I'm either intimidated and hence anxious and want to get away, or I'm bored because I think the person I'm talking to isn't worth much of my time. Then I think I'm an a**hole for thinking that.

I try to hit the middle ground in there, but it doesn't always work. And things change, too.

 

[LilMissTragic]

Been there, done that a million times or more....wheres my cure??..lmao

 

[SingaporeGuy]

J,

I am not suggesting a method at all. I suggested what i did to cure myself.

I did not forget what this disorder is like, nor will i ever forget. I devoted 10 years of my life to this and it has brought me in places that you could not even imagine. DO you know what its like to drink your life away in order to cope with this? Do you know what it's like to lose your family because of this? I was hooked on fear quite forcefully. But i got out of it.

I am not saying that there is a one size fits all cure. Nor to i want to debate what is an illness or not with you. All i wanted to do was to show that you can be cured.

If i would think that anxiety disorders were a disease, then i would automatically think that i am not in control of my fears. Thus can only be eliminated with meds. But, that is not the case. Everything stems from the way you think. Like it or not. You are what you think.............

I totally agree with man..YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK
Although I agree with some of the posters above..

Yah, but I know its tough to abide by this rule...