Wrong or Right?

[Digi]

I wish to know what's going on is wrong or right?

To start with I suffer a quick reaction reflex which can be put under agression aka when somebody touches me i'm likley to hit them by accident and not even know I do it till after the event.

I have been bullied from the age of 5-6 years old and am now 19 and still bullied to this day it is true i have thought of suicide but have never done anything.

anyhow here's the deal i'm in a workbase learning college to help get myself into a job and i'm around others from 16-19 years of age.

The first inccident was a girl was pretending to be "intrested" in me and said a few things but I just icnored them, after a while she moved her chair closer to me and I got up to move away and she placed her hand on my backside. Well without warning I turned around and slapped her in much discust but soon after felt bad despite the whole class was laughing and said she deserved it. I got a verbal warning for that as we are not allowed to make psyical contact.

The second time was I was sat a bus stop contented on playing my gameboy by myself (I don't rearly get on with anybody so often i am happy to be in my own company) and a young lad jumps out at me shouting and scares the hell out of me so by accident I kicked him between the legs but ddin't actually make any psyicall contact.
Now this boy had already been hassling me for some unknown reason, I had never spoken to him before.
Soon after he began to shout abuse at me and bang the bus stop making me jump each time and this would continue with,"haha look she sh*te herself this time".

Well I whent into to report this and had belived it was sorted and we was to be kept seprate and he was not happy to be moved and shouted abuse and me and stupidly I answerd back and told him to shut up and just do it, well then I pulled aside by a training staff and told to be carefull I was lucky to be on this course after last time. I was deeply upset about this as last time had been an accident as had this, I have no control of myself and am going for counciling.

Yesterday i got a message form my brother that this boy had told my brother's mate he planned to have me beaten up to near death and then slit my throat. I was again not happy but upon that day whent to college and forgot about it, on the way home again he shouted abuse. I decided today to tell a training staff and I forgotten her own words but she was practially saying it's your own fault for attacking him and again i was lucky to be here.

This has rearly upset me I don't want to leave my college because I want help getting a job but if this continues I am not sure I can stay much longer, I am used to the students saying the odd few things here and there because I rearlise I am diffrent from them but i hate it when they persist.

I was told when joining my college they had a no bullying terms but i get the feeling this is just a lie. Please tell me if I am in the right or are they?

Thankyou

 

[paul77uk]

From what you have said here i think there is no doubt they are in the wrong.

If people are making you feel scared and intimidated they are bullying you.

You may have overstepped the mark in retliating, and it's not going to do you any favours, but they have brought this situation on you, and i think you would be within your rights to take legal action.

I think you should go talk to the police, or maybe a solicitor.
They will probably give you good advice on what can be done to get this sorted.

You've probably had many experiences of how cruel people can be.
But this is a fault in them not you, they are the ones who are cruel.

From what you say it seems you may prefer your own company maybe because of the abuse you get from others.
But not everybody is like that.
There are things you can do and places you can go and meet nice people.

Volunteer or charity work may be one, for these types of people usually want to do good and have a certain amount of compassion.

I will pray for you.
Paul.

 

[Digi]

Thankyou I somehow didn't feel full responsiable for this.

Yes there are alot of people that make me feel like that.

Yes I understand and have tryed to explain to them that I have lost control and am trying to get help to re-gain control.

Thankyou I am not sure if I wish to take it far as legal control but if things get worce I feel I will have to.

Yes although I can get on with others and do make friends I very rarley stay around groups of people mainly I will stay by myself or one person. Yes thankfully there have been nice people who I can say had they not been there I would not be alive right now.

I do voluntary dog training so I am often training people to trian thier dogs etc so I deal with many diffrent people. I came to this college to also maybe learn to deal with people of my own age or younger but as you can see I am not having the best of luck.

Ythankyou very mmuch greatly apreciate the help

 

[paul77uk]

Maybe it's not so much you have to learn to deal with them, but more that they have to learn how to treat others.

What i mean is maybe you are looking at this as a problem in you, and maybe you do have some problems and maybe they are caused by the treatment you have had from others.

I know firsthand it's easier said than done, but try not to let them get to you as a person, realize that they have the fault, they have cruelity and bitterness.

Be yourself, be a kind, caring, loving, joyful person, i know that may not be easy around people like that.
But if you even be like this to people like that, they then have had no effect on you.
For they've only achieved something when they get to you, hurt you, change you.

If you can continue to be yourself, even to them, to be kind even to them when they abuse you, they have then achieved no effect over you.

Turning the other cheek has the greatest benefit for you, if you retaliate it's getting to you, working you up, and it's not a nice feeling.
If you can take it as no insult to you but to them, which in all reality it is.
Their cruelty and nastiness, although directed at you, exhibits what they are like.
Pity them, they are on a dark path.

They probably insult you because you are not like them, which is a great thing.
If you were nasty and insulted others and bullied others like them, you maybe friends, as to as much as they have friendship, which you will find they don't have true friendship, but they trap themselves in having to live up to an image, to their so called freinds, to not be insulted themselves.

To be accepted by them, you'd probably have to insult others, maybe be cruel to others, get into trouble.
Such people always have to live up to impressing others, and destory themselves as real, good people.

You can be a real, good person, maybe easier than them, they will have to go through a lot before they will beable to be.
But hopefully even they will, and will probably have to be more like you than the type of people they are right now.
Don't let them drag you into their darkness, but seek the goodness in yourself, which is more in you than in them.

I like the quote from Mohandas Gandhi and think it's so true and relevant to us.
"we must be the change we wish to see in the world".

 

[Tryin]

What kind of question is that? It doesn't matter who is in right. This is not a fight, this is your life. If something feels unpleasant and troubling for you (or anyone else), then it's worth doing something about it NO MATTER who's "in right". There's no need to prove someone wrong and while it sure IS a wrong thing to put someone (purposedly) down, why don't you try to think about their perspective (I guess both the girl and the boy you hit - yes, after all it was you who hit, although of course it's not your fault and I know how annoying and troublesome can this reflexes be, and it's a very bad thing that you developed it (how did that happen, btw? you must have suffered some serious abusing, haven't you?) - were feeling hurt and/or intimidated and that's why they bahaved the way they did). It's always a good thing to tealize that noone is perfect and solve the situation with loads of empathy.