Would never get there...ever

[Apple Strudel]

Few years ago, when I found out that two of this particular classmate went to a local uni, I didn't care and thought, 'well, good for them'.

Then fate let me came across a guy that I used to like, attending the same local uni and suddenly I felt like a total loser for no reason...

In another thread, I said that he fell for another girl already in his uni.

But anyways, I went for a job interview just now and the route I was taking was passing by many of these local uni's and I became really depressed and even thought of hiding away from the world forever just because I would never get the chance to get in one anyways.

I actually wanted to discuss with my dad how I didn't want to work or go out ever again.

I mean...why, an underachiever like me, be able to do anything??? I am not good at academics and I don't know what's the purpose if everyone is looking up at those that obtained and won many achievements from school.

I don't have much friends too and one of my friend, who is also an underachiever is a recluse right now. I don't know if I want to be a recluse since my family isn't well-off and I can't be asking them to feed me forever.

But I feel like a total loser stepping out of society since everyone around me is an overachiever and it seems that these people are much favored in society.

I don't want to work in retail forever or any manual labour jobs. I am schooling at the moment but I hate it since I don't want to be in this place anyways...

I feel so lost at the moment...::

 

[Apple Strudel]

Thank you Serafina, your advice is very much appreciated.

Yes, I tried to forget about what I don't have, my education...my sis, she have a much lower education than me, but yet she works in an office job that she could leave early and having a social life that she could call her own. I am actually quite envious of her too and was wondering how the hell do I get over my inferiority complex over my education??

I actually dread sleeping now because I'm always waking up and having feel my serotonin level drop and bad thoughts about how people are enjoying in college or uni came flooding back to my mind. I never felt so despondent and rejected all my life.

I don't know if I regretted not doing well for my academics, but I really hate academics, so what's the point? I would be facing a much tougher task when I reach a much higher level...so I don't know why I am so god damn depressed about it.

I understand that education doesn' t make a person better than the others but it certainly does make a person stand out...then again, I really don't know.