women being "attracted" to "badboys"

[no1]

I think you're just forcing yourself to believe that so you don't have to encounter the situation.

well.. i'm just too different anyways to attract any kind of woman.

You don't think I haven't tried? Well.. I'm not too good with small talk or the cold approach of coming up with something on the spot to talk to with a woman I've never seen before. Why? Well because I don't know what to talk about, and no not just "anything" works, not just "how" you do it.

"hey uh... that's a nice bench there isn't it?"

 

[klytus]

I'm not too good with small talk or the cold approach of coming up with something on the spot to talk to with a woman I've never seen before. Why? Well because I don't know what to talk about, and no not just "anything" works, not just "how" you do it.

That'd be absolutely senseless anyway. What reason would you have to talk to that person besides her presumably good looks? None. It's highly questionable to approach people without having a good, more profound, reason to.

 

[no1]

That'd be absolutely senseless anyway. What reason would you have to talk to that person besides her presumably good looks? None. It's highly questionable to approach people without having a good, more profound, reason to.

Exactly. Yet I feel like people expect me to do something like this. Unless I have a good reason to talk, I just won't talk to her.

 

[klytus]

Yet I feel like people expect me to do something like this.

The expectation is understandable, though. Most people love attention. They want to be seen, be talked to, be 'interesting' and appear to 'be fun to be around'. So, you wouldn't actually do anything bad by 'simply talking' to a person in a 'cold approach'. It's just against my philosophy on life - I see no convincing reason to do that.

 

[no1]

The expectation is understandable, though. Most people love attention. They want to be seen, be talked to, be 'interesting' and appear to 'be fun to be around'. So, you wouldn't actually do anything bad by 'simply talking' to a person in a 'cold approach'. It's just against my philosophy on life - I see no convincing reason to do that.

no.. I mean that it seems people expect that, that's how one is supposed to meet a woman to be "on the hunt" (???)

but I never understood how people could actually make sexually motivated advances, especially men ... and I think a lot of guys do this, albeit deceptively.

 

[klytus]

Ah, no, that's not expected. It's expected that you do approach the opposite sex for certain purposes, but the way it's done is pretty irrelevant. There are handful of social expectations on how not to do it, though. -- Almost every single interaction between a guy and a girl I have had the pleasure to behold involved the guy making either explicit or implicit sexual advances on her and she didn't seem to dislike it.

 

[no1]

Ah, no, that's not expected. It's expected that you do approach the opposite sex for certain purposes, but the way it's done is pretty irrelevant. There are handful of social expectations on how not to do it, though. -- Almost every single interaction between a guy and a girl I have had the pleasure to behold involved the guy making either explicit or implicit sexual advances on her and she didn't seem to dislike it.

the other thing I hate though.. is that I try NOT to make any kind of advances. If anything it's implicit. And if it is explicit I dont try to make it sound harsh.

BUT, if the girl EXPECTS you to be that way, it ticks me off when they put you on the backburner simply because I've been trying to be careful and all that.

 

[JCS008]

I think instead of trying to "meet women," just try to "meet people." Just be overall friendly to everyone: cashier, waitresses/waiters, hosts, people in your class, at work, regardless of their gender or image. Chances are, you'll meet women a lot easier. And the whole chase for women, you will get rejected. Every guy will get rejected from women in their lives. It's like a job search. Chances are, you'll get rejected very very often. As I'm learning myself at the moment.

 

[no1]

and you also said :"It's expected that you do approach the opposite sex for certain purposes, but the way it's done is pretty irrelevant."

Like for which purposes?

 

[no1]

I think instead of trying to "meet women," just try to "meet people." Just be overall friendly to everyone: cashier, waitresses/waiters, hosts, people in your class, at work, regardless of their gender or image. Chances are, you'll meet women a lot easier. And the whole chase for women, you will get rejected. Every guy will get rejected from women in their lives. It's like a job search. Chances are, you'll get rejected very very often. As I'm learning myself at the moment.

every time I've tried to be sort of proactive about finding a girl, it hasn't given me any success. But that's just me. And I haven't gone.. full fledged "on the hunt" and I'm afraid to anyways, especially alone as I am and feeling pretty unprepared.

I hate it though. I hate that men are expected to go "on the hunt" and women are to put themselves out there like meat on a market. It's also presumed that people who DON'T go on the hunt, are the worse candidates, or are pussys, etc. when really u just don't want to come off as harsh. These types of people are usually seen as boring to women. Or that they don't 'try enough'. When it comes down to liking a woman, the girl will think you haven't 'gone around' that much yet, and need to. Because I need to act like, she's not the only one I'm pursuing, or flirt with. A guy who hasn't been around, is seen as boring.

 

[klytus]

I think instead of trying to "meet women," just try to "meet people.

Haha. You - or, at least I do - need a reason to meet people. That's not any different for meeting women. The only place where I might meet (lots of) people in the future is in university. I am not really open to making friends or opening myself up to people with whom I must spend the years to come.

Like for which purposes?

Sex in general and romantic relationships. If you don't approach the opposite sex (in case you are heterosexual) for those things, be it implicitly or explicitly, you are perceived as weird or asexual, or gay. Mostly gay, actually. And your social status drops, even in case it can't drop any more. It always somehow manages to drop further.

 

[no1]

I'm also not used to the whole "dancing" tradition. Perhaps back in the old days dancing was more common. But for me to go to a club.. because I want to "dance"? Maybe I have too much pride, but I don't want to "go dancing".

 

[no1]

Sex in general and romantic relationships. If you don't approach the opposite sex (in case you are heterosexual) for those things, be it implicitly or explicitly, you are perceived as weird or asexual, or gay. Mostly gay, actually. And your social status drops, even in case it can't drop any more. It always somehow manages to drop further.

yep. but it's also usually thought that the guy should do all the advancing. Whats up with that?

I DO NOT know how one can just APPROACH a woman, for sex and romantic relationships, if you haven't even made a connection with her first yet. If you mean "approach" as in a cold approach, as in that you've never seen her before, etc.

 

[klytus]

but it's also usually thought that the guy should do all the advancing. Whats up with that?

That's normal, and it's not the problem actually. Ideally, no advancing should be required as a romantic relationship is supposed to develop naturally. You rarely succeed at bootstrapping your interpersonal relationship into the romantic setting without losing something important along the way.

I'm also not used to the whole "dancing" tradition. Perhaps back in the old days dancing was more common. But for me to go to a club.. because I want to "dance"? Maybe I have too much pride, but I don't want to "go dancing".

Don't mention dancing. Meh. I would never dance. It's downright silly. I tried it, I watched on-line videos, and I might even be a good dancer - not counting the likeliness of my dance partner to slip out of my hands due to natural lubrication - but it's a stupid thing to do. I don't see the point of it. There is one, though: http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20327164.500-good-dancers-make-the-fittest-mates.html

 

[ZiggyCosmicJive]

Well, everyone has their likes and dislikes. For some gals, I guess "bad boys" are a turn on. End of story. Don't get yourself so worked up about it. There's nothing you can really do about it, and there are plenty more girls who see "bad boys" as a turn off.

 

[no1]

That's normal, and it's not the problem actually. Ideally, no advancing should be required as a romantic relationship is supposed to develop naturally. You rarely succeed at bootstrapping your interpersonal relationship into the romantic setting without losing something important along the way.


Don't mention dancing. Meh. I would never dance. It's downright silly. I tried it, I watched on-line videos, and I might even be a good dancer - not counting the likeliness of my dance partner to slip out of my hands due to natural lubrication - but it's a stupid thing to do. I don't see the point of it. There is one, though: Good dancers make the fittest mates - life - 09 July 2009 - New Scientist

Right, that's how I thought romance was supposed to be like.

About the dancing thing... well I don't see dancing in these days much like dancing used to be anyway. And besides that it's overly sexual. The clubs are sexual. The main theme about clubs is sex. Dancing is a spiritual thing, if you want to call it that. But when it becomes all about sex... I just don't understand how people can do that. One is I don't understand HOW, and two is that I feel like it's not so good, but that may be because I've never really done it and don't know how.

 

[no1]

Well, everyone has their likes and dislikes. For some gals, I guess "bad boys" are a turn on. End of story. Don't get yourself so worked up about it. There's nothing you can really do about it, and there are plenty more girls who see "bad boys" as a turn off.

I'm not too satisfied with that. I don't know I seem to think all women are unconsciously evil, and I don't want to think that way.. even though I do. I seem to keep coming to the same conclusion. I don't think there are plenty of women who want to be with me.

 

[IThinkMaybe]

Bad boys, whatcha want, whatcha want,
Whatcha gonna do when sherrif John Brown come for you.
Tell me, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do? Yeahhh?

Bad boys bad boys
Watcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
when they come for you
Bad boys, bad boys
Watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do
when they come for you

When you were eight
And you had bad traits
You go to school and you learn the golden rule
So why are you acting like a bloody fool
If you get hot you must get cool

Bad boys bad boys
Watcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do
when they come for you
Bad boys, bad boys
Watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do
when they come for you


I think that's very poignant.

 

[Cynic]

I seem to think all women are unconsciously evil

Human nature is fundamentally evil, or perhaps selfish is a better way of putting it. Its not a case of right or wrong, but a case of one wanting what is best for oneself.

I don't think there are plenty of women who want to be with me.

Well they won't when you're that way towards them!

 

[ZiggyCosmicJive]

I'm not too satisfied with that. I don't know I seem to think all women are unconsciously evil, and I don't want to think that way.. even though I do. I seem to keep coming to the same conclusion. I don't think there are plenty of women who want to be with me.

I think you are deluded. Try not to think yourself into a corner like that.